[BethVA62]

makes good sense to me thanksgivingmom

And I agree, it's the "OK, but why am I separated from them?" that is the confusing part.

And for Genetic Attraction reasons, I think knowing each other earlier versus meeting as older children or adults would be wise. GA can be very confusing.

[thanksgivingmom]

Phew - I wanted to make sure I wasn't overstepping my bounds as I was not adopted!

And if anyone thinks I am, please feel free to disregard

[suzie3309]

I have to interject after following this thread.

I have three siblings on little sister who I was placed with and an older sister (adopted by another family) and a brother who was raised in foster care.

My older sisters mother felt threatened and cut of contact when i was 4 and i carried on seeing my brother until I was 12. (he disapeared for a while) but we are back in contact. I also hunted down my older sister and we are in contact.

as mentioned before i come from a biological family of abuse and neglect though i remember little of this. (thank god!)

my younger sister has made the decision she does not want contact with my siblings. however i love my siblings to bits. I think it can be harmful for older siblings to see each other once seperated but i can see no harm in young children seeing each other. what harm would it do? im a little confused. it just becomes a normal part of life for those children. they have siblings that live seperatly. your child and her sibling have no concept of what we do as adults. they dont understand situations regarding family and adoption in the sense we do. My fabulous mum and Dad kept up contact with my brother all the time we were growing up. though we saw each other about twice a year. My mum and Dad loved him and knew how important contact is. My biological parants (David and Marie - i hate the term parants as they were anything but..) are people i would want nothing to do with due to the circumstances of our removal but my siblings i love dearly. We were seperated but still a part of each other and my siblings are not responsable for the actions of David and Marie.

You are a wonderful parant, thats clear with you fighting for your child, but i will say a lot of research out there is written by academics who have no clue as they have not expirienced it.

It is not harmful to see your siblings, though it can be hard to see them and leave them. your child is young and therefore anything you do is normal to her. If you limit the time spent to a few times a year while she is young then that will be normal to her. No hang ups or confusion. just a different make up of a family.

My older sister mother lied to her and said my father cut off contact which was not true. this has caused no end of issues as i think having contact and being with people who understand the ins and outs is a blessing. having someone who understands and looks like you is a blessing. The truth is a blessing.

All your precious child needs to know is that you love her and you will fight for her which clearly you are doing. You know your child as only a mother can. Please dont stop contact. As your child growns she can make the decision if she wants to have contact. For now you can choose to give her the gift of her brother and in fact her brother the gift of her. so often the sibling relationship which can be so important is forgotton. When shes older and she starts asking questions and deals with all the information surrounding her removal and adoption into your precious family, the last thing she will need is to deal with finding a brother (if she chooses) and the difficult journey of reunion.

contact i think is not a negative thing, how can it be? of course you have to make sure this is done in a safe and comfortable environment. My mom ised to take us swimming or various days out throughout the year and i thank her for that. My brother and sister are not my biological parants mistake, they are MY joy and my blesssing in life. they come with their own issues but often they are there to help me with the journey of discovery and heartbreak regarding my own placement. My Mum and Dad just wanted us to have everything and faught so we could have contact which they were advised against. my siblings are the light of the whole situation as i am sure your daughters brother will be hers.

siblings should not pay for the sins of the parants. they are a part of each other just as you are a part of your daughter. its all about FAMILY.

I wish my mom would be as open as you are. she could cope with my siblings but not with the rest of it. I guess this journey i embarked on baught up emotions i was not expecting in her.

what ever you do i know your daughtr will appreciate it when shes older. I am also so pleased you decided not to tell her when shes older. the younger they are the more normal things are...not a shock when you get older I always knew from the start and goes to show everyday what a blessing my om and dad are

Goodluck!