[Airway]

I was adopted at 2 weeks of age. My adoptive family told me as soon as I could understand what adoption was, so I have known my entire life. I've experienced many emotions over the years including anger and hurt.

My adoptive mother was emotionally abusive for most of my childhood. I was compared to other children in the neighborhood or children of her friends, and I think her biggest concern was how others would view her if I didn't match up. I recall her threatening to abandon me if I did not do as she wished. She would get into the car, drive around the block, and return home. This was very traumatic for me as a young child. Her behavior was so unpredictable and as I got older I became convinced she had a type of untreated mental illness.

My adoptive father was the silent partner. He did nothing to stop my mother's abuse, but I can't say for sure that he even recognized it as a problem.

There was a time when I was in middle and high school that I was angry with my birth mother and wished she'd have had an abortion. As I got older came to realize she did not choose the family I was given to, and I redirected my anger to whomever determined them to be suitable parents.

In 2005-2006 I searched for my birth parents. My father immediately signed off on releasing his identity to me, but my mother refused. In my state the law allows the release of both birth parents' identity or neither, so my mother had made the decision for my father and me.

I received a letter from my birth mother indicating she was married and had 3 younger daughters. Her husband was aware of my existence but her daughters were not. She refused to release her identity in an effort to protect her daughters. I quickly realized she was not protecting anyone but herself, and her selfish behavior was preventing me from knowing my birth father.

Why I am somehow less of a daughter to her than my 3 younger half sisters I will never understand. I am quite sure she gave birth to all of us. Had she been honest with her other children from the beginning, she would not be in this position now. I feel I am the one paying for her choices.

My adoptive father and I now have a positive relationship. We became closer once I was in college. However, I have very minimal contact with my adoptive mother. It's sometimes difficult to keep in touch with Dad when he and Mom are married and living under the same roof.

[xemtrockstarx]

Your adoptive mother does sound like she may be suffering from some kind of mental disease, which may explain her behavior but does not excuse it in anyway. I could never imagine saying that to a child, it breaks my heart she said that to you.

Adoptive parents are not always good parents just like not all biological parents are. I hope someday you can have a chance at a relationship with both of your moms that is healthy but you have to realize what an amazing person you are and not rely on their actions to determine what kind of person you are.

[Airway]

xemtrockstarx, I appreciate your response.

My birth father and I recently connected. He searched for me privately and was finally successful. We have not met in person yet but have been exchanging e-mails. I always hoped for 2 parents and if I cannot have a mom and dad I will be very happy with 2 dads.

[Sunnylove]

First of all, let me say congrats on getting in contact with your birth father! I completely understand how you feel about your adoptive mother. I too went through the same thing with my adoptive mother and my entire family for that matter so I have minimal contact with all of them. I was lucky enough to have found both my biological parents a few years ago with the help of someone on here. I have a great relationship with my biological mother but not with my biological dad. I have not talked to him in over a year nor do I care to. He has a wife and a daughter who is about a year and half younger than me and basically acted like I was just coming into his life to destroy all that...long story...but anyways, your biological mother could just be scared of what her other children would think of her if they knew she had a baby she gave up for adoption. A lot of adoptees on here are going through the same thing. I would give her some time and try contacting the adoption agency again. Maybe she will have a change of heart. But I wouldn't get my hopes up.

[SuzySSunshine]

You have a mother. She is imperfect. If you find that it is better not to keep in contact with her that may be the best decision. But do not try to use your father as a pawn, if you want a relationship with him then you will have to deal with the fact that he is married to your mom.