[melindamay]

Hi. I am a parent thinking about the prospect of adopting. My husband and I have a biological daughter, age 3, and would love to have another child as part of our family. Unfortunately I have been unable to conceive again. My question is for those of you who were part of a family where you had (a) sibling/s who were related biologically to your parents: did you feel there were any special conflicts or issues related to the fact that you were adopted and your sibling was not. Or perhaps your sibling, who was not adopted, had issues with not being the adopted one? I'm just wondering about what kind of feelings or conflicts could arise for either child and maybe, think about how it could be best addressed. Thank you for any thoughts you may have.

[fitnssgrl29]

In my family, I had one older brother who was my parents biological son and my other brother was adopted like me. I don't think any of us had a problem with that. I felt pretty equal to my oldest brother who was not adopted. We were never made to feel inferior or different. I think our family situation was good for all of us. We all learned that it didnt matter where we came from, that we were all loved equally by our parents.

[BethVA62]

My mom and dad had two bio sons after they adopted me. My brothers, and they are my real brothers forever, never thought of me as too different, I was there first, ha ha. As kids we did talk about me being adopted when mom and dad weren't around to interupt, it didn't matter, but we talked/joked about it. Stuff like I was found under a rock, dropped off by a UFO, cabbage patch..... my mom was a secret spy, or my dad was this or that, it was funny, aggravated me in many ways, but it was still usually funny. I remember thinking it was better to be me than them, they were kind of boring, was not as exciting about how they joined the family versus how I did. I was even in the paper on Christmas Eve - "Live Doll For Christmas" I liked reading that article when I was a kid, now it just makes me want to PUKE violently.

My Mom was and still is the most fair mother in the world in every way with us. Didn't treat me differently when that was possible.
But sometimes I wonder if they all didn't loose out some.
In my family with my kids we end up talking "biology" often in so many ways. We celebrate our bio similarities, joke and tease about how you might grow up like wierd uncle Bob, and heredity, same toes, smile, eyes..... when they are "bad" I say... geesh, you are just like your father.
My mom and dad couldn't do that so much with me around, and be "fair" or sympathetic about my missing bio family traits. kwim?
Although they did include me, you got your adopted aunts talent in art, you have your agrandmothers eyes, you are good at math like your adad. It was cool as a kid, but when I got older I got the big "ohhhhh" moment.

One of my favorite stories: I called my youngest brother, he was 35, I was 40, and said: hey Bro, I found my mother. he said, "what do you mean? Where did she go?" He had forgotten I had another mother. I liked it, a lot. He was the first one I told. I hope my brothers are as proud of me as I am of them.

[Ria1987]

I have an older sister who is biological.

We had no concerns whatsoever growing up, however, she is 6 years older so there was always a bit of a buffer zone.

I must also admit that my adoption was never a focus in the family (because we were preoccupied with other issues), but nevertheless I never felt jealous or resentful that she was biological. On the flip side I also never felt like I was treated special because of the adoption. Now that I think about it a little more, I think maybe sometimes she feels inadequate because I was a higher achiever than her, but I think there's a possibility of this occurring whether you adopt or not!

I think you should go for it. Always be aware that you have two very different children with different needs - but just treat them fairly and you'll be fine!

[Sunnylove]

I wasn't as fortunate as some of the others to have a good relationship with my adoptive family...long story so I won't go into details. But, I will say this. I think you should adopt if that is what you want. The most important thing to remember is to never treat them differently because they are adopted. Treat them just like you would your biological daughter and always make her feel included in everything that you do.

[melindamay]

Thank you all for your thoughtful input. I appreciate all of your comments. I am sorry, Sunnylove, about your experience. I will certainly take all of your advice to heart. I am going to an adoption conference this weekend and I will be thinking about everything all of you have told me. Love to all of you.

[Sunnylove]

Thanks. I hope everything works out for you and good luck!