[jmac66]

I do not mean any disrespect to those adoptees out there who feel the primal wound but is there anyone else out there who actually likes being adopted? I actually bragged about it growing up. If someone said I was a "mistake" I said " No my parents pick me, yours just had sex. R u sure ur not a mistake?" And my a fam is nuts so I was glad I wasnt genetically related to them sometimes esp when disease came up. Besides when I fought with my parents as a teen I could always daydream about "my real parents and how they would understand me!" Very comforting.
I always felt special being adopted and quite frankly being "found" has taken some of the mystery/fun out of things.

[hpfreak080]

I like being adopted. I, like you, always bragged about it to people (kind of).

For example, anytime I was somewhere where we would play an icebreaker game and you had to say your name, school you went to/where you were from, and something interesting/unique about you I would always say "I'm Sarah, I'm from _______, and I'm adopted!"

I never minded people asking me about it (I would ask questions too if I wasn't adopted and knew someone who was).

I've always felt like my family (adoptive) is my family. I've never been treated differently or anything and while I know I don't look like them or any of that, it really doesn't bother me. They are still my family...period, no question.

I never liked the term "real parents" in regards to my own adoption experience. For me, my brain interprets "real" to mean that the other one is "unreal/fake". I know not everyone's brain works like that and that's totally fine. I just don't say that LOL

I'm not in reunion, so I can't say that I for sure wouldn't experience "primal wound-like" feelings if I were to meet my birthmother but the fact of the matter is that right now, I don't really feel the need to meet her. It's nice to know that I'm not completely alone in the way I feel about adoption!

--hpfreak080

[emmacj]

I absolutely did the "Hi, I'm Emma & I'm adopted" routine. In primary school, my teachers used to make me get up in class & talk about being adopted, which I liked doing because it would be like sharing a part of me which no-one else in my class had. I hated the bit about trying to explain that although my parents didn't give birth to me, they were still my parents. They didn't get that, and that's ok, because like me, they were kids. Used to frustrate the hell out of me though!!!

I love the 'yours just had sex' comeback - that's a beauty! LOL!

[austin0i]

Originally Posted by jmac66

I do not mean any disrespect to those adoptees out there who feel the primal wound but is there anyone else out there who actually likes being adopted? I actually bragged about it growing up. If someone said I was a "mistake" I said " No my parents pick me, yours just had sex. R u sure ur not a mistake?" And my a fam is nuts so I was glad I wasnt genetically related to them sometimes esp when disease came up. Besides when I fought with my parents as a teen I could always daydream about "my real parents and how they would understand me!" Very comforting.
I always felt special being adopted and quite frankly being "found" has taken some of the mystery/fun out of things.

Hi jm,

I am like you. I have never experienced any ill effects from being adopted. I was/am proud of it. My family was thrilled to get me and I have never experienced any issues of feeling different or that I do not belong.

It is funny because while I was growing up, my parents were the most loving amongst my friends. I would be in shock when I would listen to the stories of my friends ,where their mothers and/or fathers clearly put other things before their children. I was number one with my parents from day one and it continues that way, 42 years later.

I am in reunion and have experienced feelings and issues I did not expect, but I have grown from the experience and it has really helped me to have a full story now. No more mystery.

I have always felt proud about being adopted. When I was little, I would tell my mom and dad how lucky they were to have gotten me...and they agreed...and still do!! I love them 100%. ( oh...I love my birthmom too )

Everyone has a story and being adopted is a part of mine. But like other things, it does not define who I am. It is just a part of my story.

I do recognize many adoptees do not feel the same and my heart breaks for them. I can see how it can be a painful issue for some adoptees.

Kim

[hpfreak080]

::relieved sigh::

so i'm NOT the only one who feels completely OK with being adopted...i really do feel good now. There is a certain website (not this one) where I'm told I'm in denial everytime I answer anything because I have a positive outlook on my adoption or that I'm not "old enough" to understand (I'm 19...young? yes. ignorant of my own feelings? no).

My heart also breaks for those with a negative adoptive experience and for those with a good adoptive family but other pains associated with adoption. I just want people to be happy and feel secure.

[emmacj]

Originally Posted by hpfreak080

I'm not "old enough" to understand (I'm 19...young? yes. ignorant of my own feelings? no).

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that. I turn 22 at the end of this month, & people still believe that I'm too young to properly comprehend the issue of adoption.

Mind you, this is coming from people who are not adopted, not an adoptive parent, not a birthparent & don't know anyone besides me who is adopted. The genius's in otherwords

[imprttuner2]

I wanna chime in here with my two bits as well. I've never felt this primal wound either. I love my parents and have known I was adopted since... well as long as I can remember. I always felt special and unique knowing that I was adopted. I was the gift that my parents (who had the ability taken from them to have kids... dang disease) had been praying and praying for.

My name is Ryan and I'm proud to be adopted! We should have a parade or something! Lol!

[cac_li]

I am not an adoptee, but am soon to be an adoptive mom (court on July 14) and your stories are making me cry with joy. I am so excited about adopting my child that it pains me to read the posts about all the pain adoptees experience b/c I don't want my son to have that pain. I know every one's experience is different and I am glad to be aware of the issues he may face, but it makes me feel so happy to hear that not all have that experience. I feel so lucky that he is going to be my child and my only hope is that I can fill his love with joy and happiness. My whole family is also overjoyed. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

[KittyMay]

cac_li :
There's really nothing to worry about with your new son. As long as you are supportive and open (Like any parent actually) you will raise a confident child.
I am an adult adoptee who is very happy with my family. My parents never made it an issue, it was always other people making it an issue when it's never been for us. I'm glad I got the parents I did, I wouldn't trade them for anything. There is no "Primal Wound" here. While the dynamics in families vary greatly, I believe it is mostly the therapists, counselors and psychologists that create the issues outside of the normal emotions expected with adoption, which can run pretty deep as they have with me. Some people will write anything about everything if it gets them a book deal. The trick is not to fall into the trap of believing everything you read. The best indicator is other people who have been there and can share from their own direct experiences. I've never in my almost 50 years have ever met anyone in real life (including myself) that have had this "Primal Wound". While the author may not agree with me, I speak from experience when I say: "It all depends on the upbringing of the child and the family dynamics that shape our attitudes in life".

[txrnr]

I have no problem with being adopted either. Maybe, just maybe, I had a primal wound, but if I did, it's healed. Some wounds heal, some scar, some never heal. I think that's why us adoptees are different on how we view the wound. I have never been conscience of a wound, but if it makes others feel better to insist I have one, it's really no skin off my back.

[EZ2Luv]

Count me in the NO Primal Wound Club!! I am a very happy quite content well balanced productive member of society who happens to have been adopted.

EZ

[jmac66]

What great feedback! Heres the funny thing. My older brother is also adopted and hated it growing up. He had the feelings of rejection, I dont fit etc. Yet he has my father(and grandfathers name) and he was the perfect child adored by my parents. I was the "hard" child that I am sure made my parents rethink the whole adoption thing more than once. But they needed me to "loosen them up" and I needed them to provide structure. The only thing that kept me from getting in even more trouble than I did was "My parents would kill me!" If I had been raised by a single mom...??
Being perfectly happy with my adoption has been a great gift for my birthmom. My birth sibs say she is glowing and very happy.

[jmac66]

good luck with you adoption! Remember you are his "real parent" and while you recognize that his being adopted makes him a little different- celebrate it- never let him or anyone else tell you "Its because you are not his real parent"

[linda512]

As an adoptive parent, I really appreciate these posts. While I was in process with my son, I started to read a book that talked about primal wound kind of stuff and I started crying and could not stop. I hated the thought that my son would be hurting forever and would maybe hate me for adopting him. I was a mess for a bit until I read some stuff on here and talked to a friend who is adopted. I am sure everyone has a different experience (duh) and my son might struggle with the adoption bit, but to know that he can be a happy, productive member of society DESPITE being adopted is really helpful.
I love my son more than I could have ever imagined and am so grateful to have him in my life. He makes me laugh and smile every day and I hope that helps him realize how loved and wanted he is.
Thanks to the adoptees who post here. It seems sometimes that we only hear from unhappy adoptees so it's good to hear the other side.

[hpfreak080]

Originally Posted by txrnr

I have no problem with being adopted either. Maybe, just maybe, I had a primal wound, but if I did, it's healed. Some wounds heal, some scar, some never heal. I think that's why us adoptees are different on how we view the wound. I have never been conscience of a wound, but if it makes others feel better to insist I have one, it's really no skin off my back.

this is exactly how I feel about it.

I think of mine as a small scar (relatable to a chicken pox scar). If someone were to point out a chicken pox scar on me and say "Hey what's that from?" I would just nonchalantly say "Oh, I had chicken pox when I was 5."

That's how I feel about adoption. Like if someone were to say "so, what's that 'scar'?" I could just nonchalantly say "I'm adopted and proud!" hehe

for me, it's not something painful to think about but, rather for me, something to add yet another facet of who I am.