[keepitfluffy]

Hi, just after some advice on how to discuss my adoption with my young children (who are my birth children and raised by me, for clarity!). I'm in contact with my birth family and need to bring this into the light. I'm worried about pitching it at the right level for them (just at school and pre-schooler ages) and don't want to confuse them. I also need to give my birth family names... for my b-sibs it's straightforward as they will be introduced as my bro/sis and called by their name, but for my birthmom/BD I just don't know. I have to be sensitive to my folks and can't use the mom/dad names (wouldn't want to anyway), so was thinking maybe using their first names and using birth-mother/ birth-father, poss birth-grandmother/ birth-grandfather to them?

I'm really worrying about keeping everyone happy here

I'm gonna post in BParents too, hope this is ok?

[wishfulthinker]

I am also an adult adoptee with four of my own children. I have always told my children I was adopted. I guess I just followed in my parents' footsteps by handling it this way. Being adopted is simply a part of who I am and therefore is also a part of who my children are. Whenever the pediatrician has asked about family medical history, I at least have their father's side to share and then of course I have to utter those words - I don't know about my side because I was adopted - while their little ears were there listening.

Now that they are older and I have begun searching I have shared with them that I am searching and I may or may not find their bio grandparents (my bparents). I also share the little tidbits of information that I have come across when I get it. They think it's cool that I'm searching and they are very supportive of it. Adoption just continues to touch lives as we grow, doesn't it?

As far as what to call bparents, well I think that's a personal choice. Maybe one that shouldn't be made just quite yet. I think that all of these decisions that come up while searching should just be handled as they come. Take it one step at a time. Things could get too overwhelming if you try to make all of these decisions at the onset. The searching alone is overwhelming in itself.

Good luck to you and your family. I hope it is a positive experience for you.

[mickeybaines]

I too have followed in my parents footsteps and my children have always known I was adopted. They are now 8 and 10 and just beginning to really understand it. I am currently waiting to reunite with my birthmother and I talk with them about it openly. I haven't thought about what we will call my bmom and the rest of our family. Just trying to take things day by day and muster all the patience I can find.

I have a friend who has been reunited with her bmom since she was 18. She is now 40 and has two children ages 9 and 7. They have no idea that the woman they visit is their bgrandmother. I am not sure they even know their mom is adopted. Her thought is that she doesn't want to take anything away from her aparents. She calls her bmom by her first name and so do her children.

[cetalley]

Hello to all in the triad, I am my twin sons' FirstMom, I would never expect them to call me anything other than what they want to call me. I have not found them yet, 22 yrs.,but if and when ,I want them to know that whatever they choose to call me is their choice. My oldest son 29 yrs.old, was 4 when I met a man that I introduced into his life and eventually married. He one day just decided to start calling him Dad...this was fine by all of us and untli 19 yrs. old,he called him Dad. His father was killed in a car accident when he was 3, so I never imposed upon his feelings for the 'NEW" dad, he chose what to call him. Sadly, this man that he had come to know as Dad, was no longer in the picture. He and I divorced and my son has not seen his DAD, since then. He is the Firstdad to my twin sons. Children are so wise to their feelings , allow them to choose what they wish to call them. Your parents who raised you will understand, I can assure.