[UniqueWeirdo]

I got help from VSN and 2 people helped me narrow down who could be my birth mother. I think I know who she is and where she is. I even got her phone number... The only question now is if her father was a disabled police officer. If that matches then definitely she is my birth mother. It turns out they belive my birth mother is from Hickory North Carolina. My mom is white and by bfather is Black. The woman they think is my bmom is currently married to a black male. They still live in Hickory. Everything matches up. So I wanted to call and somehow ask if her father was a disabled police officer without letting her know I'm looking to find my mother. I just dont want her to know I'm looking and not want to contact me and say no and leave me searching for someone who is already found. What should I do?? My friend suggested calling and stating that I was just doing some research for families with disabled police officers and state that its listed that her father was disabled and go from there if she confirms. I'm not sure how to go about it. I called and left my number for her to call me, she was at work. A little girl answered the phone and I just felt like wow.. I have a sister I also spoke with my Amom and I told her what I found out and how everything matches and let me know that she belives that may be her as well and told me I should definitely call and try to find out. I'm not sure how to go about it... Please advise

[katlyn]

I wish I had a magical answer that would make it easy for you, but I believe the idea of saying you were doing research is a great idea. I would probably try to think of some questions, simple questions that might pertain to that and then say thank you and end the call. If it was me, I would need to take a moment at that point! For me as a firstmom, I would have been thrilled if my firstdaughter went to that much trouble to find me. I do however, know that not every firstmom feels that way, just as not every adoptee wants to or feels the need to know thier firstmom or firstdad.
Try to gain your composure again, if need be, and call her back once you've gotten the information you need to assure you it's her. I personally would have to call back that day, but you might want to wait a day or so or whatever you feel comfortable with. For the most part, I will just say that there is no magical answer or a book that gives us step by step procedures to making that first contact. Most assuredly it will be a rollercoaster ride that will take you high into the clouds and sometimes will drop you down in the same breath. My thoughts and prayers are with you, keep us posted!

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

I don't have any advice regarding this issue, but I just wanted to reply because I am originally from Hickory, NC. I don't know where you live, but if you need some travel advice in the future I might can help. Also, if you want to know anything about the city, feel free to ask. Good luck with everything -- I hope this does turn out to be your bmom so that your search can finally be over.

[txrnr]

Do you have the disable police officer's name? That may be public record if/when he worked for the department. If NC has birth records on line, you may be able to get a match that way.

I hope she calls back soon.

[UniqueWeirdo]

I called and she stated she didnt have a disabled police officer in her family. So its not her.. I'm gonna look into calling the courthouse in Hickory to find out how many disabled police officers were there in 1988 in Catawba county. I'm disappointed, but I will keep searching and searching.

[MixedBliss]

Originally Posted by UniqueWeirdo

... I'm gonna look into calling the courthouse in Hickory to find out how many disabled police officers were there in 1988 in Catawba county...

This is the local chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police (FOP):
CATAWBA COUNTY LODGE #26 P. O. BOX 210 NEWTON, NC 28658

Phone: 828-695-1704

They could likely tell you lots of things. Good luck!