[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by RainStorm

I don’t think all open adoptions can base on this one scenario. Though it just goes to show that in some cases open adoption can be good/positive , and in other cases closed is the better option. From the show you saw this young woman seems to want her cake and eat it too.

Why do people insist on perperuating the stereotype that open adoption is a grief-free, trauma-free option that is all for the benefit of birthmothers. I have worked in open adoptions for 20 years. Even those in extremely open adoptions are not "having their cake and eating it too". When a parent and child separates, when they relinquish the role of parent, when they commit to being a positive influence in the life of their child, it is heart-wrenching. Most of us carry on because thy know it is the best thing for their child. So please, unless you have experienced this, please do not presume you know what her motivations are. Even if you are a birthmother you cannot know what is truly in her heart.

[lovemy6]

We adopted OLDER Kids from the foster care system, NOT cuddly little babies. Our kids have severe emotional issues from their past. They were all between the ages of 3-12 when they joined our family.

We have OA with some of their biofamily members. Believe me, we do NOT co-parent. My dh and I are the only ones who make parental decisons for our kids. I don't understand where you get the idea that birthparents are able to make parental decisions. They don't.

Perhaps your opinions about OA have come from parenting kids whose bioparents are abusive or totally inappropriate to be around your kids. I know some parents whose kids are in fc are drug addicts and violent. If my kids' bios were, they would not be allowed to be around them!

I remember when I first started my adoption journey. My opinions were quite different than they are today. 10 years and extensive parenting of special needs kids has changed my outlook on a lot of topics.

I hope you choose to stick around, read other posts, and share in discussions. There are a lot of people here who share their experiences and help to give a wide variety of opinions.