[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by sweetpea012607

The one thing that I want to do more than anything is move out. I know my mom says that isn't an option untill I graduate and get married.

You are 18, a legal adult. It is not your mother's place to be making these decisions for you. Honoring your mother and father does not mean blind obedience.

Please pm me. I can help you get your parents the assistance they need to break their dependance on you.

[sweetpea012607]

As of yet when I talk to them about it, they don't want to do anything. They're stubborn to the point that we have to be flat broke before they'll get help. So frustrating.

[Mommy24]

Sweetpea, I am curious, Brenda has offered so much help to you, are you not taking her up on it because you don't "know" her? She has alot to offer you and I would highly recommend contacting her for advice. She has helped many members here at Adoption.com.

Seriously, if you need help, why not take her up on her offer of helping?

[sweetpea012607]

I'm currently waiting on her reply. I pm-ed her but I haven't heard anything back yet. I'm sure it may be a while.
I have been talking to my pastor some but he says I need to talk to my a-parents first and foremost, especially my a-mom.

[rainmon]

Sweetpea. if you do a little homework first you will have many great idea's to present to your amom......and you will have some hard facts & information to back up your ideas., if you go to them empty handed they may just brush it all off.
get the information in hand.
its the VERY best thing you can do for their future.

[rainmon]

and your own as well.......

[sweetpea012607]

thank you for the advice. I went to my mom last night and all she would say is that she's looking into some things.
sometimes I just don't understand them.

[kakuehl]

sweetpea,

Of course you don't understand them! Very few 18 yr olds understand their parents (even when they think they do)!

Is it possible that they are afraid they'll lose you? Sometimes parents have a very difficult time letting children grow up and leave home. What's the worst they could do if you pursue a relationship with your bmom? Kick you out of the house? Scripture tell us that Christians are to be reconciled with one another. One of my favorite definitions of sin is anything that breaks our relationship with God or other people. (Unfortunately, there are times when no matter what you do it will affect your relationship with someone.) It is possible (probable) that any change you make in your life will affect your relationship with your aparents. That's not necessarily bad because they need to learn to relate to you as an adult.

[sweetpea012607]

I'm definitely working on acting like an adult so they will treat me like one, (their theory).
Everytime I bring up something about my birth mom my a-mom says she doesn't care.

One other thing, does anyone have a clue where I could find someone to help me locate my birth father??

[sweetpea012607]

So I got an email from my birth mom yesterday and I haven't stopped crying since, I haven't even left the house.

Does she not love me like she loves my older sister???

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by sweetpea012607

So I got an email from my birth mom yesterday and I haven't stopped crying since, I haven't even left the house.

Does she not love me like she loves my older sister???

What did she say?

[sweetpea012607]

when we first got to know each other she said she would always be there for me. well I invited her to our Christmas play tomorrow night over a month ago and the other day I got a email saying she can't come because her family has decided to do something. I asked her a month ago. Then she says that she doesn't feel comfortable going. She's been to my church plenty of times before now. Does she not care for me like she does my older sister??
Does she not care that this hurts me worse than her giving me up??
I hate this!!

[kakuehl]

Sweetpea,
I know it's hard, but try not to read it like she doesn't love you. You won't know why she doesn't feel comfortable going unless you ask. It could be she gets vibes from your aparents that she's not welcome. As a bmom, there have been times when I have consciously down played my role because I knew D's mom was not comfortable with it. It doesn't mean I don't love D, it means I want the relationships to work long term. Your bmom doesn't know you as well yet as she knows your older sister. Again, it's not about not loving you. Does she know that you see this as "not being there for you"? Have you told her that this hurts [you] worse than her giving [you] up? Unfortunately, none of us are mind readers and she doesn't know what you don't tell her!

Take a few deep breathes. Sit down and write her a note explaining how you feel and why. Try NOT to think the worst.

[sweetpea012607]

I told her. I emailed her back and I told her.
When I got an email back from her she said she would go if she had to but that the reason she feels uncomfortable is because of the people. She says they treat her bad and that they don't want her there. But no one has said anything about her. NO ONE.
My a-mom doesn't like her much but that's for a completely different reason.

I'm just so frustrated with all of this.

The last email I got from her says that my mom needs to stop making me be mother and wife and let me be independent but she doesn't understand!

[Jackiejdajda]

Sweetpea.. I keep reading this thread.. and am at a loss as to what to say.. or write..

One very important lesson I have learned in life is we can not control people places or things..
If your birthmom is uncomfortable with what you have planned.. you can not force her to go.. Not through love and not through anger or sadness..

Give her some time.. give yourself some time..

Jackie