[Jackiejdajda]

EZ how did you sort it?

and I agree mom2behappy its the parents responsibilty..

I hope and pray that one day this great secrets and lies experiment.. finishes.. and openness and honesty and respect rules the day.

Jackie

[EZ2Luv]

Jackie,
What d you mean? How did I sort it? The anger that another aunt and a couple of other cousins(that were not bsiblings) had towad me was frightening.. One of the cousins even threatened so beat the living daylights out of me. The aunt that was mad at me never liked me, not even as a child (she used to go out of her way to be exceptionally cruel to me). I guess I was such a dirty little family secret that she felt I should be punished for being born to someone who was careless and slept around and insisited that no one know she gave birth to me.
As far as the bsiblings, no it was not intial shock. It's been well over 4 yrs and they still maintain their anger toward me.

In so far as dealing with it, what can a person really do? It is impossible to "make" someone love you or accept you so the ball is in my court. I had/have a choice, I can either let it eat me up and cry about it or chose to accept this is what it is and focus on those who do love and accept me. I choose the latter. All this has made me so much more grateful for my aparents and the hand I was dealt. I simply refuse to dwell on the negative. I am sad that those I trusted have betrayed me, but one neighbor (a life long family friend) told me even though she knew who my bmom was that it was not her place to tell me and she respected my aparents wishes. That I can understand and I do agree that aparents are responsible to tell the truth. In all honesty I would never have even entertained the thought of searching but I was faced with an extreme medical urgency that warranted medical history. At the time my amom was not able to physically communicate and I really didn't think that aparents knew who bparents were so approaching aparents would have been useless.
By the times I searched bmm had been dead for a couple of years and after recieving non id and finding out that bmm was amoms sister, the only person that could give me information was another of the aunts(the one who hates me) and she blatanatly lied saying she did not know and it couldn't possibly be true. Ihe truth is that my neighbor suggested that I ask this aunt since she was the one who told her who my bmom was years ago.
Don't take this the wrong way cause I love my bmom as an aunt and ONLY as an aunt. There is absolutely positively no maternal feeling of love there at all. However my bmom/aunt was a very manipulative conniving shady person. Anyone who has known her will agree as well as family. The reasons I do not fault my aparents for not telling me is that I never asked them(lame I know but they would have told me if I asked or thought they knew) God only knows what bmom said or did to fear them and force them into not telling me(she was VERY capable of threats so anything is possible).
It is one thing to not say anything but another thing to lie when asked. This aunt that hates me went so far as to say that I took a drug or had a dream or hallucination that made me imagine this all. I have never taken a drug in my entire life, not to mention, how does a person go about imagining a legl document or non id.

All I know is this search was liberating , shocking and heartbreaking as well as allowing me to realize how much I have to be grateful for. The saddest part I would have to say is the halfbrother/cousin who I had the greatest relationship wth prior to searching has completely disowned me and refuses to even talk to me, nothing. I am not even on his Christmas card list anymore. But you see I have an abrother that is the absolute best and would comb the earth for me if I needed him to so it balances out. That too makes me grateful that I was not raised with these people. I do understand that they were probably devasted at the thought of their motther having me before she met and married their father. I can see where they would be shocked and disappointed. But the dust has settled now, why hate me, I certainly did not ask to be born to this situation.
I just thought of something, Christmas Eve will make 2 years that I had to let the one bsis go after I gave her Christmas gifts for her and her family. I know I have rambled amd made this post alot longer that I probably should have. I am sorry to the OP if I diverted in any way and hogged your thread. I guess I got on a roll answering some question.
If anyone has any secific question feel free to PM me. this story has all the makings of a Lifetime Movie.

EZ

[Jackiejdajda]

I had/have a choice, I can either let it eat me up and cry about it or chose to accept this is what it is and focus on those who do love and accept me. I choose the latter. All this has made me so much more grateful for my aparents and the hand I was dealt. I simply refuse to dwell on the negative.

Lessons to live by..

By the times I searched bmm had been dead for a couple of years and after recieving non id and finding out that bmm was amoms sister, the only person that could give me information was another of the aunts(the one who hates me) and she blatanatly lied saying she did not know and it couldn't possibly be true. Ihe truth is that my neighbor suggested that I ask this aunt since she was the one who told her who my bmom was years ago.

My sister was pregnant.. when I was pregnant..
I can not imagine handing my baby over to her.. we have had so many fights over the years..

Don't take this the wrong way cause I love my bmom as an aunt and ONLY as an aunt. There is absolutely positively no maternal feeling of love there at all. However my bmom/aunt was a very manipulative conniving shady person. Anyone who has known her will agree as well as family. The reasons I do not fault my aparents for not telling me is that I never asked them(lame I know but they would have told me if I asked or thought they knew) God only knows what bmom said or did to fear them and force them into not telling me(she was VERY capable of threats so anything is possible).

Wow..
There was a woman that used to post here that gave her baby away.. and the baby was given to neighbors.. and she watched her birthdaughter grow up.. I kept thinking when reading her story.. how difficult..
But I guess your birthmom took the road of being hard.. and difficult..
Families.. goodness..

All I know is this search was liberating , shocking and heartbreaking as well as allowing me to realize how much I have to be grateful for. The saddest part I would have to say is the halfbrother/cousin who I had the greatest relationship wth prior to searching has completely disowned me and refuses to even talk to me, nothing. I am not even on his Christmas card list anymore. But you see I have an abrother that is the absolute best and would comb the earth for me if I needed him to so it balances out.

Real people show up when the going gets tough.. Wrong people lie and manipulate..

That too makes me grateful that I was not raised with these people. I do understand that they were probably devasted at the thought of their motther having me before she met and married their father. I can see where they would be shocked and disappointed. But the dust has settled now, why hate me, I certainly did not ask to be born to this situation.

I messed up raising my kids in some ways.. I know I did..
I had not sorted anything on the relinquishment of my son.. and I did a lot of things wrong..
This just keeps going and going..

I just thought of something, Christmas Eve will make 2 years that I had to let the one bsis go after I gave her Christmas gifts for her and her family.

I think you are keeping the thread on topic..

Original post

Has anyone else discoveeally late in life that they were adopted? How did it change you? how do you feel? from everything i read i feel like im the only one. Most people know when they are kids. I was never told and found out by accident. no one ever wanted me to find out.

And I find everyone’s lives so interesting.. its what keeps me coming back..
Thank you so much for sharing..

Jackie