[Sylvan]

It has been a roller-coaster ride since my reunion a few weeks ago.

I'm doing really well with communicating with my B-Mom and 1/2 sister as well as having a great relationship with my a-parents (if not my a-sister)

What i am depressed about may have nothing to do with the reunion or the adoption.

My a parents are moving away. They are in their early 80s and have been planning this move in one form or another for quite some time. They feel that it is too expensive to continue to live in the NY metro area and would like to be near their grandchildren more in their remaining years. My a-sister and her husband and kids have been living in FL for 15 years so M&D don't get to see them often. Sis does not have a very warm relationship with M&D. She is still (at 42) angry about being adopted. She is however very responsible and will be there if my parents actually need help. I am however not confident that she will be there for them emotionally. She loves them, but doesn't really like them.

Proof of this is that 2 weeks before the move to FL - which was supposed to happen over a month ago - Sis and BIL decided they are moving to TN. We had to scramble to get M&D out of an already signed lease and all of the arrangements for FL. Not much point in moving there if Sis & BIL & the grand-kids are not going to be there.

So now they are all moving to TN. I've been at M&D's almost every day helping them pack and making arrangements. The movers are coming in a few hours.

I've been very close to them my whole life. We (s/o and I) spend as much time with them as possible and frequently do social activities and day trips with them.

We hope to be able to sell our house within the next year and move to the Midwest as well. His whole family is in MO, so we will probably move there. About 4 hours from the part of TN that M&D are moving to and also about 4 hours from my newly reunited B-Mom in KY.

B-Mom has also been very supportive in dealing with my sadness over having M&D moving so far away and no longer being part of my daily life.

I know in my head that all of this is not the end of the world. My parents are not abandoning me. They are doing something for themselves that they want to do. I also know that they feel like they are abandoning me , so i have been very supportive and telling them that i do not feel like they are leaving me. They have also been very happy about my reunion and are hoping that B-mom and her family become a significant part of all of our lives.

So why am i crying?

Anne

[MrsHoot]

Hi Anne,

I am NO expert be any means but I think you're reaction to your parents move is perfectly understandable. You have obviously been very close with them, loosing that daily interaction is something you consider a great loss, and something to be mourned – which is what you are doing now. On top of that add the emotional rollercoaster of your recent reunion! It's no wonder you are in tears {{{{BIG HUGS}}}} and it’s okay to cry, sometimes we all just need that “release”.

I think it's great that you can rationalize and say out loud that "they are not abandoning me" but to the outsider (me) it seems as though you may indeed feel some degree of abandonment due to their decision to move away...and this too is perfectly understandable.

IMHO - I think your feelings about this move and the depression you’re currently experiencing ARE related to the recent adoption/reunion though.

The reunion journey can bring up a bounty of emotions, even on a sub-conscious level. And we, as mere mortals, can’t always compartmentalize them – they often spill all over our everyday lives. However, you are incredibly blessed to be a part of such an emotionally supportive group of people. For your Parents’ to support your reunion and your Birthmother to support your upset over their move is a wonderful thing and is a tribute to how much they all love you.

Just know you are not alone, many of us here also have those days of uncontrollable tears and sadness – we are here to support you regardless of the “why” behind your tears.

Wishing you much peace and happiness along your journey (as well as a big box of Kleenex!)

Cheri

[woundedannie]

Wow, Anne, a lot going on...whew, change is hard at a the best of times ...but throw in reunion, a move, etc., emotional overload. It is understandable that you are feeling blue...you are nervous about how things are going to paly out because it is clear you love your parents. So glad to hear your birthmother is suportive in this instance..sounds like you need it..I wish you and your family a smooth transition.

[Sylvan]

Thanks.

Well, they're off to TN. Flight is in a few hours and they should be there mid morning.

I'm still pretty sad. We all cried when i left them at their hotel tonight.

Cheri:

You are probably right that i am feeling somewhat abandoned, even though i know that this move has nothing to do with them leaving me. I know that the feeling is irrational, yet the feeling that i am all alone now is almost overwhelming.

I need to be careful not to make any rash moves or decisions while i am in this emotional turmoil. The little girl in me wants to quit my job of 25 years, sell my house to the first comer despite the lousy housing market and just run out there and start over with Mommy and Daddy nearby.

The rational adult of course is telling me to plan any move carefully, get the house ready for sale and maybe by spring the housing market will be better and i can sell, research job options, possibly even transferring to another branch of my company out there and move where i want to be - even if it's a few hours away from them.

I know in my head that i don't have to have my parents close by for them to love me. But d@mn it hurts to realize that i can't do things with them on the spur of the moment anymore.

Please say a prayer for a safe, uneventful trip.