[snuffie]

I am reunited with my bsiblings. Both my bmom and aparents had passed away before I found out who my bmom was. It has been an incredible journey for me.

My aparents knew of my search which began years ago. The lines of communication were never open before they passed away and I found out only after they were gone that they had spoken to their friends about how upset they were that I had felt a need to search. They had been told that my past (meaning the time in my bmom's womb and a few weeks later) was erased when my new altered birth certificate was processed. That I would never ask or feel a need to know what was on the birth certificate that was then sealed away from viewing by me. (Even though complete strangers in the county clerks office could access it at any time!) So the game of "make believe" began.

I had wonderful adopted parents whom I love with all of my heart and I wish that I had had an opportunity to sit down with them and tell them why I searched and why I felt the NEED to search. And I know, just by the people that they were, that they would have welcomed my bbrothers and bsisters into their home and into their hearts.

My acousin has two adopted children and at first couldn't understand why I searched either. She now does after we have had long talks. She told me that it felt intimidating and scary to her. There was a fear of "losing" her children to their bparents. There was also a lot of wondering why her children would even feel a need to search. I explained to her my feelings as an adoptee and she has told me that she is now ready to accept the possibility of a search and reunion on her own children's part.

I feel that all we as adoptees can do is try to explain our feelings to our afamily as best we can. And then it is up to them to find understanding and come to terms with their feelings. I think that even though the initial reunion is all consuming, that we need to be aware that our afamily alot of times does not need to hear every minute detail. If they ask, maybe an overall view is enough. Hopefully, as time goes on and they see that our reunion has not in any way changed our feelings toward them they will come to if not an excitement, an acceptance.

Bill, I just spoke to a classmate at a high school reunion that I attended recently who had placed a baby for adoption in our senior year. She went on to marry a different man and had 3 more children and never told her children about her first child. Fast forward - Her first child grows up and contacts her. She said that she was so happy but then had to tell her children. (Her husband knew.) Each reacted in a different way. One was angry because she had kept a "secret", another was angry because he was no longer the oldest, and one was very excited. Its taken a while but they really are becoming a family including the oldest child! So it can happen. I hear you when you say that you fear rejection. We all do. But we are more resilient than we know. After my bmom rejected my contact years ago, I was devastated and after alot of tears finally came to terms with it. Years later, I am reunited with my bsiblings and have been for over 6 years. They have told me how even though they never knew about me, there were clues that our mother always thought of me. So she was not rejecting me. She was rejecting having more turmoil in her life than there already was.

I hope that these coming months bring happiness to all of you.

Snuffie