[I_am]

I met my BDad in 1993 and over the years our relationship has evolved. (First name, then Father then Dad) Our personalities and openess has allowed for us to communicate on what we feel comfortable with. Once I got my "a story" on how and why, I evaluated how I felt and my BDad did the same. I cannot comment on my BMom since she passed away 2 years before I went on my search. I met her parents though and because of their response to me it never evolved into a close relationship before they passed away, too painful on their part because of guilt feelings...real sad. My B1/2 sister took until just this past March to talk with me and now we are "sisters" and it's amazing. In my experience the personalities plays a big part. With my B1/2sister it was fear, territory that kept us apart and she needed time to decide what she wanted. Once she felt comfortable and knew that I was not a threat to her she opened up and I gave her the opportunity to dictate our relationship and what to call each other. Of course inside all these years, she was my sister.
So many aspects plays into the adoption situation; secrets, fears, respect, guilt, territory, and individual personalities. I see myself as having 2 Dad's and to each of them I call them Dad but when I refer about my BDad to my ADad it's on a first name basis because out of respect for him and the natural fear that adoptive parents have of loosing their child.
I feel that each individual, their experience (story) and personality plays a big part in defining the title.