[erikamarie]

I was just reunited with my bfamily, july 2006. They all embraced me with open arms and really include me as part of the family. They even had christmas on the 23 so I could spend christmas with them and with my afamily. My bfamily and my afamily get along great, infact some of my bfamily came to my house and spent the superbowl with me and my afamily.

My problem is that my dad gets jealous. He trys to hide it cause he knows how happy I am, but I can still see it. I just went away to college last fall, and was thinking maybe this may have something to do with it. My bfamily lives about an hour from my afamily so when I go home for the weekend, I try to spend a couple hours with my bfamily and then the next day with my afamily. On weekend though, I went home for my bsisters birthday and was planning on staying with them all weekend. My dad asked me why I was coming home at all when I would be so close. I felt so bad that I left school on thursday.

I was wondering if anyone had any similar experiances and any advice at how to make my dad feel more secure.

~Erika

[healingfeeling]

its important for your dad to know you love him unconditionally, but you don't have to feel guilty about seeing your sister all weekend. i would talk to him and say "hey dad, you're never ever going to lose me because i love you, things are so new with my birthfamily that i think its probably a bit confusing for you. its exciting for me to get to know them and i'm so lucky that you accept that." you can only be responsible for how you act in this world so as long as you are living the life you want and you feel that you're treating everyone with respect that is really all you can do.

congrats! i wish my family was as accepting as yours when it comes to reunion!

[kakuehl]

I know it's hard, but try to remember that this would be a hard time for your dad even if you hadn't found your bfamily. I suspect he feels like he's losing his "baby girl" as you become a young adult and begin the process of leaving home. (My mother always wanted me to spend all my time at home when I was home from college - and I was only 24 miles away - and not adopted!)

[zxczxcasdasd]

Yeah, I had the same issue even not as an adoptee. Any weekend I came home from college, after doing the family rounds, I never got to see my good friends. So one weekend, I didn't even tell my parents I was coming down and I stayed the whole weekend with best friend from high school. It seemed the only way to get more than just a quick moment with her. I should say that I have great parents and a close family- so it really had nothing to do with them, it was just me trying to figure out how to get time with all the people who were important to me.

During college years you and your parents have to figure out and re-adjust to still loving each other and being a close family, but with you as a more independent person and with your own priorities. The new relationship with the bfamily would just be one more factor in that. Just keep hugging your parents and telling them you love them, while being firm in your own decisions. It may take a while for you all to navigate through the uncertainty, but you'll get there.

When I feel I'm in a rough patch with someone, I try ti take the long view. Meaning, some things you just have to show people over time.

Hang in there.

[rainmon]

yes I think a lot of people in all areas of the triad become jealous at one time or the other...and these forums sure help to see that your not alone in what you feel sometimes. it happened to me about 6 months ago......
my husbands bdaughter at one point sent pictures to our e-mail address of her b-mom, of when she was a baby, a child , a teenager, young adult and then of her now....
Wow! I felt like I had just been punched !! I don't know why.... but I was so jelouse & angry, I almost erased them right then and there before my Husband got home. wow! talk about a rollar coaster of emotions.... they were just pictures.. afterall....and we had been sharing pictures back and forth for several weeks, but I never expected to be sent ones of the b-mom!!
I guess b-daughter must have just wanted to share and probably did not mean anything by it ........but I sure experienced a lot of strange emotions that whole week.......it seems..... with feelings of .....
Jealousy, anger , fear, uncertainty, and complete bewilderment on my part as to why I was feeling so many uncalled for emotions because of it. it interupted my sleep and everything.....
and I still don't know why that turned my week up-side down....it just caught me way off gaurd and I still don't know what to think of it.
I just hope she doesn't send any more... I don't want to go through that ever again !! weird !

[stunderdahl]

Remember that the real emotion underlying jealousy is usually fear.