[so-empty]

That is completly true ! myyounger brotehr and sister are both adopted and my whole family favors them ( im not jelious I spoil them too ) it has absoultily nothing to do with genetics

[mn125]

Originally Posted by so-empty

it has absoultily nothing to do with genetics

.......and alot to do with these parents being pre-screened thru a homestudy. Someone missed "it". One would hope and pray that a child placed would be relatively safe from any abuses in an adoptive home. Emotional, or physical. Someone dropped the ball.

[I_am]

My AMom treats me differently but my ADad doesn't. They are divorced so it is easier to seperate the feelings. No anger toward the natural son of their's for this circumstance. Took a long time to come to terms with the issue...It's not me but her and it's not about who I am it's about what I am.

[heidibay66]

My adoptive parents had two of their own children, 1 boy and 1 girl, then my adoptive mother had a few miscarriages. In 1966 they adopted me, then when I was 3 they adopted another boy who was 5 yrs. That still left me at the bottom. I have been treated like I was adopted my whole life by adoptive mother(not my adoptive father), but because my adoptive father seemed to favor me over all of the other children, she made my life hell.(I love her and wouldn't be me without her, but someone else may have been nicer to grow up with.) Even though I am the only child who still helps everytime she calls and I am the only who stayed at the hospital on a roll in bed, but a disabling back injury, I am still at the bottom. I was just informed the other day that she is leaving most everything to my older brother(her natural child) eventhough he was abusive to me and my children and now her. I understand how you feel, but God put me there for a reason, and he has been with me the whole time. I grew up to be very strong and independent, intelligent and compassionate, despite her. I may not have made it thru my injury and everything that I have had to deal with because of it, if I hadn't gone thru what I went thru with her. So take heart and know that in the end, it is only you that is there 24-7 for the rest of your life and if you like who you are....No matter how favored you are would have mattered.

[lilraskels]

Britt42
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have not been through this myself. I am an adoptive mother and I fight for all of my children to be treated fair. It hurts my heart that in some cases this is what has happened. I come here to open my eyes to others realities. It does concern me that this is the case. Best of luck to you.

[jlccpj]

COMPLETELY in the same boat, 2 older bio sibllings... dad adopted me, a-mom had no choice, so i find out now, she only wanted to adopt to get a boy... dad accepted me from bio mom anyway, despite that i'm a girl... the sisters... both mom's girls, everything done, bought taken care of for them, cars, ins, rents, college.... i was bussing tables at 11 and waiting tables at 14... and straight through college, bought my own cars paid own ins... all of it.. supplies, all of it. Incredibly inequitable. Hurt SO BAD... did any of them give a crap... NO! any time i brought it up my mom would say i was oto sensitive. and my sisters would get snide and say i was being too "Cheap" to go get myself something so i was begging. MORE reason to remain self-sufficeient as i have been.

But this year has been the worst... my mom died, a month before my own first child was born... but as i was home grieving and beaing prego/dealing with then delivered Darling son.... my dad and sisters dealt with my mom's estate who left everything to my sisters and my 1 nephew. AAAGGGHHHH....

I can't help but remain so hung up on this... my dad and sister had attempted to hide this from me as well... and they're REALLY bad at keeping secrets, and i'm not stupid... BUT i can't let this go... i don't know how to get over this. Mainly the combined inequity and being made to feel so adopted through my whoile life and this seems to have been the last straw.

TOTALLY venting... any suggestions to get over this would be appreciated.

[sweettooth4lifefamil]

Your story really compelled me to reply for a few reasons. 1st- I think you need to address this with you mother- If she dies before you do, you will resent her for it for the rest of your life. Communication is SO important, and it's important to tell her that her actions and her words make you feel like you are less important than your brother. Put her in your shoes and ask her how she would feel. She is your mother and you are her daughter. 2nd- If she doesn't agree to add you in the will, and still shows favoritism to the brother, you should say that you would love to be the executor of her estate but given the situation, it would be too painful for you.
I really feel sorry for you; I can't imagine the way you must feel. DNA isn't necessary to make a family a family, and it's sad that your mother doesn't see this! I just want to scream "What's wrong with her???"
Good luck addressing this with your mother! I really hope you do. You owe it to yourself!

[family friend]

To follow up on the previous poster who pointed out that this happens between bio children as well here are some thoughts. I am the executor of my parents will and more specifically of a trust which leaves all of my parents money to my biological brother. My parents have explained to me that they are very proud of me and my ability to care for myself and my family and how I am in no need of their financial assistance but my brother is another story. He is a kind hard working man but is not as self-sufficient or successful as I am and has always needed more from my parents than I have. This has nothing to do with how much my parents love me but rather with what my brother and I as individual children need from them. So I am happy to help my parents with this task after they are gone and proud that they trusted me with the task and the ability to understand their chioice has nothing to do with how much they love me. The truth is exactly as they have said my brother needs the help and I don't and as a parent you try and give each child what they need and love them all equally. The point is that the response to the other poster who tried to point out this happens in bio families as well was missed. The adopted child said simply that it hurts more if your adopted but that assumes the adoption figured into the decision by the parents at all. If the parents motivation was to favor one child over another because of biology then I agree the divested child should feel bad and the parents deserve to be chastized. However it is just as likely that the parents were simply trying to love each child according to the childs needs and not their biology and thus the adopted child should not feel slighted.

[bromanchik]

Britt42, how is it going?

[Dave75402]

I couldn't help but smile when I read the topic line. I would have to say that if anything I experianced just the opposite. Now in reality my parents (had 3 kids and I was the only one adopted) treated us all pretty much the same. But the fact is with 2 girls and 1 boy(me) I will be the one who will carry on the family name.

My parents are both dead now and the oldest child (I was the youngest) executed the will. Everything was divided equally. However there was about 100 acres of land to divide and my parents specified that I get to pick first which part of the land I wanted. It was becasue the girls had taken some of their "share" earlier in order to build homes and I had never taken any.

We always kid around about how my parents like me more. I came along late in life and I think by the time I got here they had mellowed a lot so I got away with more and had more freedoms. (my sisters still whine about how my dad bought me a car but not them LOL) But I can see how some parents would treat the "real" kids better. Its a shame and I was blessed never to have had that problem.