[djs64]

I am a reunited adoptee. I found my bfamily about 14 years ago and just recently decided to change my name legally by changing my middle name to my bfamily's last name, which of course was my last name at birth. I thought long and hard about this before I did it and have been very happy with this choice.

I have not shared this with my afamily as they were not supportive of me searching for my bfamily and have had a hard time with my relationship with my bfamily. At this point I feel it would cause them a lot of pain and they would not understand.

I would like to get some opinions on wether or not I should tell them or just leave it as it is. Is there anyone else that has made this decision?

[BrandyHagz]

I'm just wondering if you have considered adding the name...rather than changing the name...that way you 'honor' both families in your name?

My husband just adopted my son - we moved his birth last name (my maiden name) to his middle name and added my husbands last name to the end.

I felt it was a way to honor his 'roots' (long story as to why I wrapped that in quotes) but also honor his new dad...plus, we let him chose and this was the route he wanted to go

Just an option - there is no right or wrong - I think some people forget, you can have as many names as you want...first, middle and last is just a guide

[djs64]

Hi Brandy,
Yes, I did leave my first name the name my aparents gave me, which has a family meaning to them. My middle name is now my bfamily name and my last name is my husbands. One name for each of my families.

[AdrianLAnderson]

I have been settled on adding in my middle name from my orig and going with a hyphenated mid name. My family is going to let me do whatever I want and my birth family doesn't have to know, but I'll feel free to tell them if I wish. Don't be scared to let people know about your decisions as they need to be shared with both your families and since u're an adult, u have the option to share or not, and whatever you do, I wish you the best!

[DJbluenosenewfie]

I added my first bio name as my middle name so now i go by DJ or will answer to either the "D" or the "J" my bio last name however can be a first name so i am making my bio last name my daughters name....who i have decided that after ultrasounds and finding out it is a little girl that I am keeping! so i am really happy about that...now i need to find a way to work my a-middle name and b-middle name into my life somewhere LOL

[erikamarie]

I was just reunited with my bfamily this last summer. It is really hard for my dad. I know it would crush him if I were to change my name that he gave me. I love him so much and would never want to hurt him. However, I always thought about how I could honor both of my families.

I do believe your parents love you very much, they deserve to know if you change your name. Even if they dont like the idea, they will still respect the fact that you included them on your decision. just besure to remind them how much you love them, and how much you want to be apart of both families, and how this change will help with that.

[Baby_names_expert]

It can be hard for your adoptive family - its understandable, but you should do what you feel is right and explain to them exactly how you feel about it. Its better if you tell them instead of them finding out later. Make sure you explain to them how important and loved they are and that this is just a way for you to complete something that has been missing and that you are in no way trying to replace them or their place in your life/heart.

[Socrmom3]

I wouldn't tell them. My adoptive mom is not supportive of me searching and does not know I have found my bparents. I may never tell her.

As for your name change, how will they ever find out if you never tell? Only if something tragic were to happen and then, who would really care?

It's your decision, not theirs.

[mom2GRLC]

Originally Posted by Socrmom3

I wouldn't tell them. My adoptive mom is not supportive of me searching and does not know I have found my bparents. I may never tell her.

As for your name change, how will they ever find out if you never tell? Only if something tragic were to happen and then, who would really care?

It's your decision, not theirs.

Wow i don't think that comment really had much thought in it....

Say if something happend to the adoptee....and the adoptive parents were notified...not ONLY would they have to deal with the tragic loss of their child....but also the shock that their child 1. changed her name 2. didn't tell them about it........ could you just imagine how devestaded, lost, betrayed etc. they would feel, all at a time when they were already grievign the loss of their child.

IMO...if you are commited to changing your name or have already done it....then you should also have the maturity and love to discuss this with your parents and to let them ask you any questions about it or to share all your/their feelings about it.

You want your parents to love you for who YOU are. Your kinda robbing them that chance of really getting to know you, what your thinking/feeling. I think they deserve to know..(that is assuming you have a good relationship with them in all the other areas of your life....why hide this from them).

[Lisasue]

I would be honest with your afamily with anything you do especially when thinking or changing your name, the names they gave you were probably for a reason. I also think including them in with the birth mom and family is great too. My bs changed his whole name, and I am pretty sure it ripped the heart out his family, he also told me first. By the time he told me he had done it was legally changed. He did give me reasons for it, which out of respect to him I will keep private however, For me being the birthmom, i think it might have dissolved any chance of connection between me and his mom. What ever your decision, I think, you kinda owe it to them to be honest with them. But the decision is ultimately yours.

Good luck with that!
Lisasue