[Shubs32]

I have been riding the reunion roller coaster for almost a year to the day. I completed a search, located my bmom, had a few telephone calls (the first of which was on Mother's Day) and two face-to-face meetings(including one on my birthday). The problem I am experiencing is my bmom's husband (not my bdad) is not able to understand why we need to have contact. A second wrinkle is bmom has a significantly younger son who does not know about me and, at least for now, bmom prefers he not know about me. For a while we were communicating on her cell phone to ensure there would not be any contact with either of the other two, but her cell phone died and she has not yet replaced it. I have sent a couple of letters and a Christmas card, but have not heard back from her in a couple of months. I feel torn between respecting her wishes and keeping a low profile from her family and continuing our reunion.
Anyone out there have similar problems during the reunion that can offer some advice?

[Sniffles]

I do not know how much advice I can offer you, but I am in a similar boat as you. I found my b-mom in 2005 and sent her two letters and one Christmas card. No response at all. I put my search aside while I was moving to a new place and when I got settled I went through and was changing my info on the registries I was on. I got lucky. A search angel was able to find and locate my b-grandparents and they wanted contact with me. I was so thrilled that I drove 40 miles to my mom's just so I could have her support during that phone call. I have established a good relationship with them now and I have discovered that my b-mom does not want contact with me. Her husband knows, but her daughter does not. I keep hoping that one of these days she will come around, but so far she has cut off all contact with her parents b/c they have contact with me.
I started this search knowing that there was the possibility that my b-mom want nothing to do with me. After listening to so many different b-mom's I have learned to respect my b-mom and understand why she has denied contact. It sucks, but I will honor her wishes.

[kakuehl]

Reunion is such a rollercoaster! Because you found her it may simply be that you were ready for a reunion and she never considered that possibility that you would want a relationship. Again, remember that many (if not most) of us who had closed adoptions were told to get on with our lives and forget about our birth children. Some have buried the memories very deeply just to survive. Contact with the birth child can bring all those memories and emotions flooding to the surface of the consciousness. She may be literally grieving her loss now. Add to that a spouse who doesn't understand and you have a complicated situation. (For me, having a spouse who didn't understand my need for contact D would be akin to my family assuming that adoption was the only solution to my pregnancy.) As Sniffles says, give her time. (I know it's hard!!)