[amytwice]

I have always known I was adopted. My aparents have two bchildren but they are much older than me, so I grew up an only child. My adad always said I climbed up in his lap and he knew right then. I always loved that story. My aparents are wonderful people but unskilled when dealing with adoption issues. My adad always told me when I was older he would help me find out whatever I needed to know.

I found my bfather -quite by accident and dumb luck- when I was 18. It was such an overwhelming experience. I was NOT ready. My bparents had divorced when I was only 6 months. I had three bbrothers and a bsister who shares my bday. Wierd huh? Both my bparents had remarried -several times- and I had a multitude of half and step brothers and sisters. I was raised in a very conservative and comfortable home. The complete opposite of my bparents. Being so young and unprepared I did not handle the situation well. I kept in touch with my bsister for a short time but things fell apart quickly. I saw my bfather again when my son was born. He was kind enough to look for a picture of me as a baby. He found one. Two years ago I got in contact with him again. He is going blind and wanted to see me again. Since then I have been trying to be a part of his life in some small way and show him kindness and love.

Two years ago I also got the courage up to meet my bmother. That was very difficult. I am still trying to find my way in that situation. I have become fairly close to one bbrother.

I guess one of my biggest issues is a feeling of guilt- I got out but none of the others did. Boy did they pay for it. Two of my bbrothers have done serious time in prison. My bsister refuses to talk to me now after I confronted her on some lies she told the bfamily about me. They just seem so lost and are still paying for the mistakes of our bparents.

My other problem is my amom. My adad was the greatest man ever. He passed away in 1994. I love my amom dearly and I know she loves me just the same. But we have never gotten along. Now that I have tried to reconnect with my bfamily she has gotten very bitter and angry. She accuses me of not loving her. I have tried over and over to reassure her of my love and devotion. She accuses me of spending time with them instead of her. No matter how much I reassure her she does not accept my comfort. It has become a real source of pain for me. It has become a self fulfilling prophecy. I don't want to be with her or spend time with her because she is so angry about this.

I have never talked to any other adopted person. Isn't that strange? I know someone has had many of the same things surface in their life. Any words of wisdom?

[snuffie]

Hi Amy,
I am a reunited adoptee. And I am so happy that you have a good relationship with your bdad.
While it may be very easy to feel bad that your brothers and sisters did not have as good a life as you had, there is really nothing to feel guilty about. You had nothing to do with it. It may have been poor decisions or circumstances but in no way are you responsible for that.

As for your amom. It is difficult for some aparents to realize that our finding our bfamily is no reflection on their parenting and does not mean in any way that we love them any less. I think anger comes from insecurity.
Maybe trying to reassure her would help and also not telling her as much about visits etc.

I wish you much happiness in your reunion and hope that things get better with your bmom and amom too.

Snuffie

[emilie]

My mom felt the same way. It was rough and I delayed reunion for 6 years due to it.