[cchriste]

Hi,
My first posting.

I was "found" by my adoptive mother and father when I was 19. We have met and visited each other and stay in touch from time to time, but the fact that we live on different coasts, means that we don't spend too much time together.

I am now 39 and have a family of my own. I've been trying to figure out how to tell my children about my biological parents on the west coast. My kids are now 3 and 5. I've never told them about the fact that I'm adopted nor that my parents are my adoptive parents. The subject hasn't really come up too much, as we haven't had any visits from my biological parents since they were babies...

Does anyone know of any good books on this topic that would talk about this? It sure gives me an appreciation of what my parents (adoptive) must have struggled with in how to tell me about my adoption!!

[unklier]

Its funny I ran into your post. I was just wondering the same thing yesterday. I am 35 and just found out that my dad is my adad not bdad. I have found my bdad and will be meeting with him in 2 days (scary). Once we get past the initial shock and thousands of questions, how do I introduce him to my children, 11 and 9? As far as they're concerned "papa" is my dad (as I thought also). We haven't had the birds and bees talk yet so I'm not sure how to explain it.

Any suggestions from anyone that has been through this would be greatly appreciated.

Unklier

[mlassi]

Hi,
My kids were aware of me being adopted and that I was searching (way before they were born). When I finally found my bfam, they accepted all the "new" family connections. They were at the time 10,8,2. Now they comment on having so many relatives.
Mary

[InionGrinn]

Good question.

My line of thinking is that kids are VERY accepting of facts that we may think of "different" or hard to talk about. Just come on out and say it. They will probably won't bat an eyelash. No need to make a big deal out of telling them, IMO

I would start by talking about adoption as a general concept- maybe a book about adoption is a good way to start and you could say "did you know I was adopted like so and so in the book? That's how I came to be part of my family." Do they have any adopted kid friends?

My kids (ages 8 and 5) have always known that I am adopted -however, this is the first time I've talked to them about my birthfamily as we've only recently found each other. Since my 8 year old is more savvy at this point he and I have talked more about the biological aspects and that my birthfamily are our family's "ancestors" sorta thing...I don't think my 5 year old cares about all that yet.

Having more family and more love is the best part of it, isn't it?

[kakuehl]

Good question. When I found my birthson, he had a 10 year old stepson and a 6month old. His wife knew he was adopted, I don't know if Sebastian did before hand. Sebastian is being adopted by his stepdad so that adds another dimension. For the kids, it's just meant that they have more relatives: grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. I think if you can talk about it in a very matter of fact way, they will simply accept it as the way their life is.

[straightblues]

This is a huge deal for you. It isn't big at all for the children, especially the age of yours. Don't project your feelings onto them and I would bet it won't be more than a 5 minute conversation.