[Socrmom3]

I was raised in my afamily as an only child. My adad died when I was 13. I am not particularly close to my amom and she DOES NOT support search/reunion.

It took me 10 years from the time I found my bmom to finally contact her because of the lack of support from amom. It took me another year after contacting bmom to contact bdad because of all the horrible things bmom told me about him. (none are true)

I am now the oldest in my bmom's family of children--oldest sister of 3, including me and oldest in my bdad's family of children--oldest daughter of 4, including me.

Am I jealous? No..and yes.

I grew up lonely and alone much of the time without a great deal of "family" support. All of my sisters had their parents and each other. My sisters on my mom's side are very different from me and I don't think they care much I exist. They always knew I was out there somewhere but we don't really click and don't talk much and it's not made much of an impact on my life. Same for my bmom.

My sisters on my dad's side are much more like me---my children look like their cousins; my 17yo son has a cousin who could be his twin....and I have one sister in particular I am sooo much alike. She "was" the oldest and had a bit of a time being displaced from that position but is fine now with it. My bdad wants to have a good relationship but I don't live near them so I can't see them much and then his wife is not too happy I found them and am "intruding" on their lives. I doubt it will ever be what I had hoped.

Yes...I am jealous I had to live my life the way I did--always alone, always lonely, and never "fitting" in. I would have loved to have had a sibling for support, like my sisters all do.

[snuffie]

Hi,

I am a reunited adoptee too and your feelings are so normal. I am the oldest of 9 on my bmom's side and think I know who my bdad is but that is another story.

I, too, am jealous of some things. I wish I had known my bmom like all of my bsibs did. I wish I could have the same memories they do and be able to banter and tease so easily as they do. I'll never be able to turn back the clock and the future is all any of us really have. But I am happy that I am getting to know my bmom through my bsibs and getting to know my bsibs and their families. I never really thought that it would ever happen so every day I have when them is a "bonus" and very special to me.

It would have been easier in some respects to grow in a family where we are so alike but I think that I grew up where I was meant to be. And the funny part of it is that some of my friends who aren't adopted and grew up with their siblings are more "alone" than I am.

I hope that things get better with your bmom's side. Sometimes it just takes time. And I hope that you will be able to enjoy your dad's side and just feel better.

Snuffie