[C.C]

Its been over a year now and the whole meeting was terrible. I met bmom in March of 2005 and have found out that mostly everything she has told me were lies. From the moment we first talked on the phone she told me all about my bsister who turns out to be my half sister, when bmom was married(totally different date)
How she wanted me so bad(but left me in a hospital and never looked back) and lies from there on in. I didn'ttalk to her for a few months and tried again. I had waited 31 years for this so I wanted to see her again. Went to her house and then the same night she called me up screaming that she will never tell me who my bfather is and that she had closed all of my files and not to go behind her back looking because I will never find out. I was in shock and very angry. What kind of woman is this?? Haven't heard from her since and she goes on with life like I never existed just like before.It just kills me that I found her and she still doesn't care. She ignored us at Christmas, Easter and every holiday. I still sent presents for Christmas, Easter , her birthday etc...
I am so lost. I talk to my bsister occasionally but if she tells bmom , bmom freaks out and tells her that she won't have anything to do with her either if she talks to me!! Its like I am the evil spawn or something. I live a goodlife, have a good family but she still doesn't want me. After all this she calls my 14 year old son and tells himt hat Gramdma is here and to call her if he needs anything!! He has only met this woman about 4 times and was in shock, She is a stranger to him.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to be around a liar but I do want to know about my family.
Any advice please help.

[whitsunday15]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Are there any other birth relatives that you can talk to besides your sister? It sounds to me that she is harboring a lot of guilt, so much that she has to lie (mostly to herself) to cover it up, and scream at you and tell you that you will never know who your bfather is.

I hope for you that in time--even though it's already been a year--that she comes around. I'm not familiar with your story, but who initiated contact?

[C.C]

Hi thank you for your reply. I searched for bmom for many years(10) and the adoption agency found her. It took her 6 months from the initial letter I wrote her to call me. It was lies from day one. My bsister is bipolar and has schizophrenia so she doesn't remember anything. She is torn in the middle of us. I don't like her to be in the middle she has enough problems. Bmother has been very mean to her saying she should have been the one adopted out and if she talks to me that she won't help her. The aunts won't tell me anything. I have asked but they say it is for her (bmom) to tell me. Bmom is married to a wonderful man who seems to hide from her. I cannot tell you how long they have been married except my sister and I sent away for her long form of her bcertificate and he is named as her father and she is a year and a half older than I am and it says that they were married. This man had no idea that I existed and I am 32 years old and my bsister is 34. So something happened along they way and my adoption papers say that my bparents were married and my bfather is english and this man is french so who knows. I have talked to him and he reallyknew nothing about me so I guess they split up sometime. It is all a bunch of lies and I have no way of finding out anything. It just kills me that she doesn't care about any of us and things have to be her way. Out of sight out of mind I suppose.

[abcg1977]

I live a goodlife, have a good family but she still doesn't want me.

This is not about you though...It is not the fact you are not good enough. Do not let her apparent disfunction translate to you you are not good enough...

JMHO but, you need to move on. Find a good therapist and draw the line. Protect yourself. You tried not once but, twice. Don't let her tear you doen.

I would remind my child as well the "grandma" is only in the picture because you looked to find her. I would point out he already has a huge family with his best interest at heart.

Good luck- Ang-

[loosy]

cc... I am so sorry that you are having to go thru this.. Isn't it enough that you are dealing with being given up for adoptiion... I am a bmom , who's son is almost 30.. I met him for the first time this past Jan... I could never imagine treating him this way.. I will have to say do not let her drag you down.. She shouldn't do you this way but you have no control over her... Hold your head up high and go on with your life.. She is the one missing out... I love my son so much , and i just can't imagine.. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT !!!\
Loosy

[C.C]

Thank you everyonefor your replies.
I am just so angry and lost. My bmom just goes on with life like my family does not exist. My bsister calls me all of the time to tell me about what the "family did" like Easter, Christmas,weekends etc, and we are not even thought of. I know she doesn't mean to hurt me because of her disorders but it does. I figured when I met my bmom she would want me. She did at first until I started asking questions and then the answers were all lies and I found out. It was me who pulled away after this but come on. I still have not met my bgrandmother or cousins but I guess they don't care either.
I guess I was under the inpression that once we met things would be good and we would develop some sort of relationship but she could care less how I feel.
Out of sight out of mind I guess.

[Toolate]

Hi CC,
You've certainly been through a considerable amount pain in your attempt to reunite with your bfamily. I'm sorry this has been so frustrating. It isn't asking too much to offer someone a little love, compassion, patience and understanding, especially when it comes to family. These are basic requirements, and necessities, that we should offer strangers everyday, not to mention family members. You've done nothing wrong in asking questions about your bfamily! It's natural to have questions. If the past is too painful for some families to endure, I can understand that, but it can be dealt with more constructively. You shouldn't be punished in this way. I think we, as adoptees, all hope to reunite with some sort of relationship, even if we have to settle for a superficial one. To be shunned is too painful to imagine. I truly hope things work out for you! I wish you peace.
Bob