[krielly]

Aisha,
I heard a saying once that "Anything that is really important today, will be really important tomorrow.." I think sometimes taking a day or two to reflect is a good thing.........
Anxious to see your re-vamp
Karen

[crayons]

Just my opinion but the waiting is hard enough, I can only imagine how it would feel for an adopted child, to want to just be acknowledged and no answer, when he or she knows the person received the first letter. Yes first moms have a lot of feelings to deal with and the pain is pretty bad but children do not ask to be born and adopted, we as first moms should not withhold acknowledgment and information, the waiting is so hard on both sides, I wish we could all ,meet in the middle, forgive, share and ease each others pain. A lot of first moms are scared to death to face their children, they did not get to raise but loved more than you know, they feel like failures and afraid of same judgement they received when the system emptied their arms of their babies, so many of us were told, our babies needed better people to raise them, we were not good enough to raise our own babies, we all handle it differently. This letter is very understandable but maybe write one when you're in a very good mood, send it and keep the other one, you have a right to say how you feel, maybe put it in your Journal and see how your feel down the road. Best wishes, I hope this is turns out the way you would like it to. Hope I didn't offend, it's hard to put feelings about all this in words.

[aisha101]

crayons: That is it almost exactly. We did not ask to be put here. We are not animals that you give away at 6-7 weeks old to go live with humans we are actually children who grow up wanting a bond with someone who has links to us.

Not to be validated and heard is something we all hope does not happen to us day to day with strangers but when it is someone who is this close yet so far hurts!

I think what hurts me the most is that before I found anyone of them I hardly ever though of it but now it is on my mind constantly! It drives me nuts.

[wilted rose]

aisha, as an adoptee I can understand how the pain of rejection can sting, as do so many others. For me, it's a wound I carry deep within. I don't think it ever leaves perhaps we just learn to manage it. I'm sorry you're bmother has not responded, it's like experiencing the loss all over again. Maybe some of the bmoms here could share what might be going through her mind. Maybe it's just too painful for her at this time, that's not to say when she has some time to process everything she will be at different place. I wish you peace, these situations are so difficult on everyone involved.

[eastendmommy]

Hi Aisha.

Been wondering about you lately and if you were still in the frame of mind to mail that letter. You know I understand what drove you to that point...what I DON'T understand is a Bmother not even acknowledging you when you reach out... How did you get that first letter to her? If you don't have an address, how did she get it? I'm sorry if I missed where you already said that.

And I can totally understand how before you started your search, you hardly ever thought about them...now it's on your mind constantly...this brings such emotions to the surface in all of us no matter which 'side' you're on.

And no...none of you asked to be born...that's why I couldn't even consider an abortion...wasn't his fault.

Hugs, Tammi

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by aisha101

I guess everyone has different ways of coping with different situations. Mine is to shut out anyone who will or may hurt me emotionally.

Here's a crazy idea... do you think your bmom might have the same coping mechanisms you do? I'm not attempting to excuse your mom, just wondering partly because of my own experience in reunion.

As a bmom myself, I can tell you most of us have been hurt emotionally by the whole process of adoption. You will have noted the many and various ways boms respond to that pain. I have been amazed how much my birth son is like me emotionally. It has really caused me to rethink the nature/nurture argument. I have met his aparents and can see why he always felt different (not unloved by any means - just different).

I would encourage you to continue writing letters to her. Then lock them in a box for a while.

Bless you,
Kathy

[aisha101]

The first letter was given to one of my birth sisters to give to her. She held onto the letter for a little bit then told me that it was given to her on the day that she was told about me. I guess a second letter can be sent the same way but I do not want anyone to read it this time.

[cherilynn68]

Tammi
I wish you were my birth mom
HUGS!

[wilted rose]

Ahhhh! Tammi, that's a true compliment!!!!! Hope you read this post soon, it will definitely make your day!
Hugs,
Rose

[sheilapearce]

BIRTHMOTHER SEARCHING FOR DAUGHTER BORN FEB. 1967 FAIRFIELD CALIFORNIA msfroggie2002@hotmail.com