[jeffery1988]

I am a birthmother of a son who will be 18 in February. He has been given my info by me at birth and i letters. I do not know if he will ever see them. For adoptees , when did you decide to search and do you think he might at this tender age of 18??? I am soo ready to meet him He has three siblings who know about him. His brother is especially interested. I have finally got my life together and am graduating in September from nursing school. My biggest whish is to have him there to see me graduate. What do you think????

[restalyne]

this sounds so familiar.....
to make a long story short....I signed a release so that my son could contact me at age 18...He tried to contact me at age 16 and was never told to return in 2 years....also, wrote him a letter when he was 3 days old and also sent letters to catholic charities over the years but he never received them ...found this out shen we reunited two years ago when he was age 39.

[Raina0831]

When I was 18, I had no clue as to how to begin a search, so I didn't. Of course, things are easier now with the Internet. Are girls more likely to search than boys, anyway? I don't know for sure. My abrother had no desire to search. It was his wife who wanted to know.

Thing is, once he's 18, you can go in search of him. I'm not a bmom, so hopefully someone who has experience in that area will offer more advice than I can.

Good luck, jeffery1988!!

Raina

[Montraviatommyg]

My son started searching for me when he turned 18 though it was me who found him when he was 23.

Pip

[jeffery1988]

thanks for your input. I can't search for him until he's 21 because of Massachuetts laws and he can only search for me if it's ok with his aparents and the agency deems him mature enough until he's 21. he can go to war but can't search for his birthmom actually my info is open to him thru the agency and on the letter I wrote him before I left the hospital.
there is no searching he would have all the updated info it's just up to him to ask for it.
jeffery1988

[scarlet52698]

Most of the male adoptees I've spoken with weren't that interested in searching until they had families of their own (late 20's early 30's).

My birthson has declined contact with me directly but has approved me sending updates to him through the agency. He will be 19 in two weeks.

I thought of searching for my birthmom when I was 18 but I had no clue how to do it so it wasn't until the internet came around and I learned more about searching that I decided too.

[FauxClaud]

My son turned 18 this past Nov. I seached for him and found him in July '04 when he was 16..and directly contatced him in April of this year. I was able to send him a birthday present when he turned 18. It was great.

He did not know he COULD search at all. So with all the same info as you at the agency..it wouldn't have done any good. I am very glad I did not wait.

Oh, and he was also in MA. Are you sure the law is 21?? The MA registry lists them from age 18 on.
What agency did you use..things sound very, very familier.

[Southernroots]

Agencies don't always give the information they have in the files to the people that are supposed to receive them. So, while putting a letter in the file is something all birth moms or adoptees should do, it will not guarantee contact. Have you put one in there recently though? Iif not it would be a good idea.

The average age for males to search is mid-30's. The SW who contacted me first after the agency found me told me that and I have also read that.

You can register for Soundex when your son turns 18 and he can too if he knows about it.
http://www.isrr.net/. Check too to see if your state has a registry, also check Adoption.com's registry.

Some adoptees want to search right at 18, but, I do not think it is that common. So, if you want to be in touch with him soon, you'll probably need to take some action. I do know several birth moms who have reunited with their children as young as 18 some younger.

Over Christmas a birth mom I know had their first face-to-face with her 21-year old son. He asked her what took her so long! Their reunion has been an amazing - storybook one so far. So, there's some hope!

[Jessiedo]

My birthdaughter began her search for me (via the agency through which she was placed) when she turned 19. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that if she searched that she would do so at such a young age. I was truly blessed.

Keep your hopes up and God Bless!

[itsamiracle]

I didn't begin my search til I was 34 (female here). I had always been interested in my mom and dad and siblings, but never really thought of actually finding them. People had always asked me growing up and later if I wanted to find my parents. But I never felt allowed to do so (I know that sounds strange...but my whole adoption was a taboo subject in my afamily so it was ingrained in my head to just ignore it).


IF it hadn't been for the web, I never would have done it. AND, my mom is not on the web at all. She is clueless when it comes to computers, so if I hadn't had the help I did (thank you, angels!!!) then I never would have found her, I'm sure.

If your child is on the web, and you post enough places, he will find you! You can even create a website using his name....that'd catch his attention!!! If he puts his own name in the search engine, the website will come up.....or the birthdate too, and whatever else! You don't have to pay to get it on the search engine either......they have web crawlers that will get your site listed on a search in due time. Websites are cheap to buy too. You just go buy the domain name (his name or birthdate if you wish) and then buy service to upkeep it at yahoo or something.

I also agree that your child may not receive any of your letters but you should still try.

[TamaraKay]

Originally Posted by jeffery1988

I am a birthmother of a son who will be 18 in February. He has been given my info by me at birth and i letters. I do not know if he will ever see them. For adoptees , when did you decide to search and do you think he might at this tender age of 18??? I am soo ready to meet him He has three siblings who know about him. His brother is especially interested. I have finally got my life together and am graduating in September from nursing school. My biggest whish is to have him there to see me graduate. What do you think????

In my situation with being brought into my Birth Childs life at the young age of 16. My suggestion to anyone would be - let the child come to you when he is ready. On his own terms. We as Birth Moms succeeding with our lives now so much want to bring our adopted children into our lives because we have soooo much to offer them now. At 18 I would say he is still a child or a child becoming a man that is a journey that can be hard to make. You may fit into his life - you may not. The devastation and dream us birthmothers have of reuniting with our birth children can sometimes be very hard to cope with. I strongly feel when the BC is ready to have the ** in his life he will seek out that relationship and it should not be pushed. It can be a complex situation that neither the ** or BC knows how to react too.

CONGRATS ON YOUR GRADUATION!

[tinamcgraw4]

Hello My names is Tina. My son just turned 18 on Dec.15/05. I was so excited to meet him. I just couldn't wait. I have loved that boy from the first and always will. But I have been on these since december 16/05 They have told me some stories and boys do take longer than girls to mature and the boys seem to take longer. There is a site called the canadain adoptees register i have already put my name in there.
Hope to here from you

[Amy2U]

Ever since I was 8 yrs. old I wanted to search for my b/mom. But, you have to know my circumstances to know why I DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN THE ADOPTED FAMILY I WAS IN. (See, "The Strength to Move On and The Strength to Move On (continued) in my profile) and my other posts.

When I was 8 yrs. old my life was SHATTERED when I was told I had to wait until I was 18 to get anything.

So, let me tell ya, when I turned 18, I contacted Social Services, I got my non-identifying info, my ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE, and I ordered my medical records from the hospital, paid good money for them too.

And kept in touch with Alberta Adoption records all the way up to last yr. when they RELEASED IDENTIFYING, info, and I got that too

Had a search agent find my b/mom in '98. YOu can read my story, so I don't type too much here.

Now, if your b/child had a GREAT LIFE, etc. he may not HAVE A NEED to find you AS I DID. But, there is that INWARD BOND, that I'M SORRY, I DON'T THINK ANYONE CAN IGNORE.

I would do EVERYTHING I can to try and GENTLY, and CAUTIOUSLY, CONTACT HIM. He needs to know the whole story behind his birth and relinquishment, and IT WOULD BE THE BEST BLESSING FOR YOU AND HIM to be PART OF YOUR LIFE and YOUR GRADUATION.

My prayers are with you

[RobertHafetz]

Originally Posted by jeffery1988

I am a birthmother of a son who will be 18 in February. He has been given my info by me at birth and i letters. I do not know if he will ever see them. For adoptees , when did you decide to search and do you think he might at this tender age of 18??? I am soo ready to meet him He has three siblings who know about him. His brother is especially interested. I have finally got my life together and am graduating in September from nursing school. My biggest whish is to have him there to see me graduate. What do you think????

Males search later in life than females. At the age of 18 he will be trying like many teens to know who he is and you are a part of that. Im not sure that when I was 18 I would have been ready to meet my birth mother. Emotionally its a very dynamic period and this could be gas on the fire so you have to be cautious. That being said one question I have is why wait for him to find you why dont you find him. He is an adult now. I waited 52 years to search for my birth mother and I wish I didnt.

[FauxClaud]

Posting this here as it is for legislative change in MA..so very pertinant to your situation.. This is current, so letter wrting should be now.
PLEASE CONTACT THE MASSACHUSETTS JOINT COMMITTEE ON CHILDREN & FAMILIES IMMEDIATELY. ASK THEM TO VOTE YES ON SB959.


ON WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25th, THE MASSACHUSETTS COMMITTEE ON CHILDREN & FAMILIES WILL VOTE ON SB 959. THIS BILL, AS WRITTEN, WILL ALLOW ADULT ADOPTEES TO ACCESS THEIR ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATES IN THE SAME MANNER AS ALL NON-ADOPTED ADULTS.

It is imperative that we remind the committee members that SB 959 has very
strong support. Please call and Email the Committee members. Urge them to
vote YES on SB959, as written. Your letters can help Massachusetts become the
6th state to restore unconditional access to adult adoptees' birth certificates.
[Contact Information appears below.]

Read the full text of SB959:
http://www.mass.gov/legis/bills/senate/st00/st00959.htm


BACKGROUND INFORMATION

ON OCTOBER 27, 2005, THE JOINT CHILDREN AND FAMILIES COMMITTEE heard testimony on SB959. SB 959 had solid support at the hearing and its supporters believe that the bill was received favorably by the Committee in October.

SB 959 will allow birth parents to file a contact preference form stating their
wishes. These forms will be attached to the original birth certificate but will
NOT have any bearing upon whether or not adoptees can receive their original
birth certificates. SB 959 will give back this right to ALL adopted citizens.

SB959 is very similar to New Hampshire's law that went into effect on January 3,
2005. Well over 700 hundred original birth certificates have been issued to New
Hampshire adoptees during the past year and all is well. No problems.

History tells us that original birth certificates were NOT sealed to protect the
confidentiality of birth mothers. The original birth certificate of a child born
to a mother who either relinquished all legal rights to her child or who had her
parental rights terminated by the court is never sealed at that time. Only if
and when that child is legally adopted by another family is the original birth
certificate impounded.

Original birth certificates will not be made public information. With SB959 the
certificate will be issued only to those adult adoptees 18 years of age or
older who make a written request.

PLEASE WRITE OR CALL the Representatives of the Massachusetts Joint Committee on Children and Families and ask them to vote YES on SB959

CONTACT INFORMATION

RAPID EMAIL CUT AND PASTE

SENATORS;
Karen.E.Spilka@state.ma.us, Thomas.McGee@state.ma.us, Frederick.Berry@state.ma.us , Frederick.Berry@state.ma.us, Pamela.Resor@state.ma.us, Steven.Baddour@state.ma.us , Bruce.Tarr@state.ma.us

REPRESENTATIVES;
Rep.StephenLeDuc@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.AnnePaulsen@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.CoryAtkins@hou.state.ma.us, Deborah.Blumer@state.ma.us, Rep.BarbaraL'Italien@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.JohnScibak@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.PatrickNatale@Hou.State.MA.US, Rep.TomSannicandro@Hou.State.MA.US, Rep.JohnLepper@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.VinnyDemacedo@hou.state.ma.us


Senator Karen Spilka - Karen.E.Spilka@state.ma.us, (617) 722-1640
Senator Thomas McGee - Thomas.McGee@state.ma.us (617) 722-1350
Senator Frederick Berry - Frederick.Berry@state.ma.us 617) 722-1410
Senator Pamela Resor - Pamela.Resor@state.ma.us (617) 722-1120
Senator Steven Baddour - Steven.Baddour@state.ma.us (617) 722-1604
Senator Bruce Tarr - Bruce.Tarr@state.ma.us (617) 722-1600
Representative Shirley Owens-Hicks - no listed email (617) 722-2011
Representative Stephen LeDuc - Rep.StephenLeDuc@hou.state.ma.us (617) 722-2011
Representative Anne Paulsen - Rep.AnnePaulsen@hou.state.ma.us (617) 722-2140
Representative Cory Atkins - Rep.CoryAtkins@hou.state.ma.us (617 722- 2013
Representative Deborah Blumer - Deborah.Blumer@state.ma.us (617) 722-2400
Representative Barbara L'Italien- Rep.BarbaraL'Italien@hou.state.ma.us (617)722-2080
Representative John Scibak - Rep.JohnScibak@hou.state.ma.us (617-722-2220
Representative Patrick Natale - Rep.PatrickNatale@Hou.State.MA.US (617-722-2810
Representative Tom Sannicandro Rep.TomSannicandro@Hou.State.MA.US (617-722-2090
Representative John Lepper - Rep.JohnLepper@hou.state.ma.us (617) 722-2100
Representative Vinny Demacedo-Rep.VinnyDemacedo@hou.state.ma.us (617)722-2100


CONTACT INFORMATION FOR THE JOINT COMMITTEE ON CHILDREN & FAMILIES
Committee on Children & Families

Rep. Shirley Owens-Hicks
State House, Rm. 167
Boston, MA 02133
(617) 722-2011