[C.C]

I have reunited with my birth mother in March of this year. Things semed to be going well for the first few weeks and then it was all about my birth sister.
Every time I called my bmom all I would hear about is my bsister and her son. If the phone beeped and it was her mybmom would let me go.. When my bmom calls now every single conversation is about my bsister and her son still and all of the things thay do together. She never asks how my family and I are doing. Lately I haven't been calling her and she calls seven or more times a day here. I am tired of the conversations. They are getting really old. The new thing is that she doesn't see much of me anymore. I told her that she is never home and she tells me to call her cell. It is all on her time like I don't have a life. I am not a well person and when I try to tell her about it she goes into her song and dance about my sister. She doesn't seem to want to hear anything I have to say. SO... On the weekend my husband and I went to her home to spend some time with her and also to see if what I was thinking was right. When we go there my bsister and her son were there. No surprise... We sat down and listened all about them and how my nephew wanted a fire and to go swimming etc. They never even askd where my son was. So we sat there for two hours and left still feeling the same way. We tried to initiate conversation but to no avail they just don't want to hear what we have to say. I just want to pull back and forget about it. I know that I was not in their lives for 31 years, but don't they want me now?
Any advice would be appreciated

[Montraviatommyg]

C.C.,

Not sure how I managed to miss your post but will do my best to put down some thoughts from a bmum's point of view. Firstly I would like to put it down to your bmum being comfortable with your reunion but it is still relatively early days yet.

Has your bmum ever asked questions about your life? Did you ask her many questions? Have you shown/given her photos of you growing up?

I've been in reunion with my son for almost a year now and it was very intense in the early days. He asked me loads of questions, some easier than others to answer but I did. However I did find it difficult to ask him questions except for obvious things like wanting to know about his life in general, about his hobbies, holidays, that sort of thing. Anything more personal or heavy was tricky and I only did so once which he gave a very short answer to. It may be that your bmum may feel awkward about asking too much of you as she is uncertain how you will react. She may feel more comfortable talking about safe subjects for her such as your bsister. It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't care about you or your family and just that she isn't sure how to follow your lead.

My son has given me several photographs of him growing up which I have appreciated and I've sent him a few via email although we have met but he's in Canada (I'm in the UK) now. Photographs are always a good topic for converstions. As for frequency of phone calls it doesn't hurt to have a few ground rules there either.

Pip

[C.C]

Thank you for your post. I have given her pictures and told her everything I can think of. She has shwon me a few pictures of her but everything is about lies so I am sure that she cannot show somw. For instance, she had my sister with some guy who she tells her is her father. Her is not. Then she married my dad, got divorced and noone new about this. Then She married her current husband and he had no idea about me, either did my sister or most family members. Most do now .I have asked her everyhting I could think of and her answer is that her past i shers nad not for me to know. I told her that I was not comfortable with this as it is my past too knowing who my bfather is etc and medical info. She told me that she would never told me and to leave it at that. She is not interested in anything that I have to say. When I tell her something she says oh ya or mmm and goes on about herself and whatever she wants to say and totally ignores me. I have told her on numerous occasions that I cannot have chocolate or caffeine and wheneer i see her she asks me why I am not eating whatever she puts out and I tell her once again that it makes me ill. She just fluffs
it off moveson.
Things are getting really uncomfortable for my family. My son doesn't even want to go to her home because all she talk about is her other grandson and what she does for him and noonepays attention to my son at all. He is 13 and sees it all. They area really loud family and they speak their minds about things and swear alot.I was not raised this way and neither was my son. She has made so many empty promises to my son and he is tired of it too.
Any advice is appreciated thank you