[kerry lynn]

This may seem an odd question, but I am what I ask...

Which makes for a more emotional, difficult Meeting: one with the birth parent(s), or with bio-siblings?

Has anyone discovered, through the search, he/she is actually a twin?

[nhgirl]

Personally speaking, bio-sibs were a breeze for me-- probably because they were so accepting, we looked alike, and they were as curious about me as I was about them.

I percieve my Bio-mom to be a bundle of needs that it scares the be-jebers out of me to even attempt to fill. She doesn't do anything to cause this I dont think, but still it's like only I can fill a void she has and I am not even sure where to begin... or that I want to.

I know where biodad lives and a little about him, but his wife was never able to have children and I get the impression is threatened by my existance, so I am leaving it alone (plus its an easy out for me

[l-thompson]

kerry lyn - the bio parents was more emotional/difficult then meeting my sibs. My birthparents married and had three more children so I found b/mom, b/dad, a full sis and 2 full brothers. It was easier with my siblings - our slate was "clean' so to speak.....there was no emotional baggage from past with my siblings -they never knew about my existence until contact was made...I was 40 and they were all adults themselves.

It would be interesting to hear more of your story - you are a twin? Have you found your twin sibling?

[kerry lynn]

Actually, I am not a twin, myself, but gave birth to twins. For SOME reason, I have always had this "fear" or awareness that Twins ran in my family genes. There would be many times, when I was young, I believed I had a twin sister. Granted, I am sure this is a common fantasy for an adoptee, (Psych 101: alter-ego), so I don't dwell on that as being a reality.

However, once married, and when I became pregnant the 1st two times, I had this irrational, disturbing fear & anxiety that I was pregnant with twins. [Wow... no one prepared me for the World of Unchartered Territory pregnancy brings to the adopted pregnant woman!!]. My ob/gyn was a co-worker, and very sympathetic to my circumstance, so he had very early-on, dispelled my fears by doing an ultrasound, proving I was indeed, only having 1 baby (at a time...).

Third-time, the charm? Uhh... well, let me put it this way: New house, New doctor, New hospital, New discovery. I was in a state of despair for MONTHS, not knowing WHAT I was going to do with four children! When I was far along enough to have the sexes determined, I became much more at ease, as I was having a boy and a girl - providing my other two, with same-sex siblings. It was this discovery, too, I had learned Twins do in fact run in my family. (Fraternal twins are genetically passed by the Mother -- the production of more than 1 egg at a time; identical twins are a fluke, an unexplained split of an already fertilized egg).

Appropriately enough, it was this pregnancy with the twins I most evolved and became One with a Family I had never met, known, or had any connection - other than this genetic trait. It is something I Own, separate from any influence my adoptive captures had on me. (side-note: my childhood had much abuse and control). It is something I can possibly anticipate my daughters having as proof they are from Me, and my phantom family. It's strange -- it is a sentiment I cannot put into words...

So, I AM curious about having any siblings I may or may not have - but not all that willing to go through the roller-coaster of making contact with my birthmom. I would think it WOULD be easier meeting siblings than parents, but I also imagine it would be even MORE difficult to discover any, without going through my mother, wouldn't it? <sigh>

[~*shiningstar*~]

I met my siblings in conjunction with my natural parents because they're all significantly younger than I am. And in terms of each of the parents, meeting my bfather has proven far more emotionally difficult than bmother.

I reunited with bmom about 8 years ago when I was 22, and at that time my siblings were 19, 14 and 13. The younger two were excited to have a big sister, but I never developed much of a relationship with the oldest one. My relationship with my bmother is kept at arm's length on both our parts. She lives a few hours away and we see each other about once a year. There's guilt when I don't travel to her, but I have never felt the huge connection to her that I have found in my birth father.

He an I were reunited about 9 months ago. We have lived in the same small city for my entire lifetime. He lived in the school district in which I taught for five of the past 8 years. I, in fact, had met him on two occasions before we knew who each other was. Almost creepy, eh? We spend a lot of time together, and the bond we've encountered runs pretty deep. It's been an amazing journey so far, but it's been more difficult than any other stage of my life as an adoptee. I've faced a lot of the issues I hadn't ever faced, and it's been quite a whilwind. He, in fact, has adopted kids now who are 15 years my junior. That in and of itself has been interesting but not a problem.

So difficulty ratings? Bfather-9 Bmother-5 Siblings-2.
Life right now? about a 10.

[dpen6]

Kerry lynne,

I also wonderred if twins ran in the family, and again wondered if I was one...got my orginal BC and it said single birth...

I had three children and whoops.got pregnant with my fourth. Thought I had it all under control...took vitamins, took some ferrous sulfate...hey I was a pro..knew what I needed to do.waited until my 9th week for my first prenatel visit. Doc examined me said yup..your prregnant...but your a little higher up then you should be lets do an ultrasound now...(didn'y say bigger just higher).still didn't dawn on marblehead what that could be.he said it can happen with women who are thin..said ok and trotted off to the next room for my ultasound. Yup..it was twins....don't know how I made it home..remeber I was a pro...didn't need anyone to come with me....it was WILD!!

ASked my birhmom about it and she said " oh ya.....my great grandmother was a twin and she also had two sets of them..found out after the fact .....few other stats for twins..multiple pregnanys and the higher the age...I was just a lady in waiting!!...I was 34 when I got pregnant with them. It had its moments, it had its difficulties but I would't change it for the world. Ok so I am in a good mood right now....they are all teens and I do have my moments!!

For me it was easier meeting my older haldf brother as he was very open...my younger brother is very quiet and was mad at his mom for not telling him about me. That made me feel bad.....

Good luck with your family!!

[kerry lynn]

I also wonderred if twins ran in the family, and again wondered if I was one...got my orginal BC and it said single birth...

There goes that Pound Pup Pang I get every once in awhile... I do not have my BC, and in order to get one, it requires far too much effort than I'm willing to put out. (Visas, name changes... paper-work for more papers that don't offer anything other than more questions!)

But I enjoyed reading that something like birthing twins IS a recognized triat in a woman's family history. It is all the proof I need to know I am able to give my daughters something that came from my origins.

[joevo]

I like the sib reunion; in fact that is how mine worked. I used a CI and asked for bmom, if I knew then what I know now I'd have gone for sibs, I knew they were out there. But my CI found my sisters first, and they wanted to meet so they told bmom she had better say it was okay. If she had not the CI and I were going to work something out where I could reunion with my sisters.

I have 2 sisters 2 brothers, 1 brother deceased, (my first funeral I officiated as a matter of fact). I have a real good relationship with my 2 sisters; by the way, younger sister and younger brother (deceased) are full bsibs. Older sister and brother half sibs common mother



Met bmother, there was more emotions watching a grass growing race then at this reunion.



Bfather dead and sibs said is was a good thing.



Found alleged bfather, one of them to, nice fellow, the chance of him being my bfather would be like a bull being the father of a colt.



As one post said clean slate with sibs.



Go for it.



Joe

[scarlet52698]

I also used to wonder if I was a twin. It was like something inside told me that there was another "me" out there somewhere.

When I found my bfamily I met that "me". She's my little sister from my bdad and not only do we look exactly alike we act exactly alike. It was super freaky when we first met. She told me a story about how when she was a child she used to ask her dad where her sister was. (She had no knowledge that he had a birthchild and he didn't even know what sex I was). Her parents would tell her over and over that she didn't have a sister just a brother (my half-brother). Well what do you know.........she was right.

I have three half sisters and one half brother via my birthfamily and I'm closest to my youngest sister. We connected instantly where my relationship with my other siblings is very different.

I'd have to say all in all the roller coaster ride of reunion was worth it for me. I don't speak to bmom and bdad and I are just now getting to know each other better. But my lil sis is a true treasure!

[scarlet52698]

BTW Kerry how old are your twins? My boys are identical and four years old now.

Also my bdad is an identical twin and my husbands dad is a fraternal twin. No twins on my bmoms side.

I absolutely love being a twin mommy

[carolynppk]

FOr me it is the sibling reunion. Only because I have met my bmom and we have a relationship. Her children do not want a relationship. I think in my case this will be more scary? Not really the right word, but knowing they don't want anything to do with me and then one day they may change their mind, I will be feeling like I am under a microscope being disected. I was very nervous, scared, excited, you name it to meet my bmom, but it all happened in a relatively good amount of time, we didn't rush into it, but months on end sisn't pass either. I think when and if I ever meet them, it will be more nerve racking, I think I will feel like I am being looked over and sized up. WHo is this person who has disrupted our lives so to speak. Don't take me wrong, I am open to meeting, I just think the more time goes by, the more apprehensive I am.


Carolyn

[kerry lynn]

Carolyn, I could definitely see how meeting siblings would be more difficult than meeting Parents. Afterall, who knows WHAT any of (them) would know??

From what I understand from my non-id, I was a first-born. So, I SUPPOSE I would be the oldest of any siblings...but who knows just how reliable my information is! It seems so sureal imagining a brother or sister Out There, who could possibly resemble me. I have always felt so lonely not having anyone have any similar features to mine. There's an emptiness when looking at my reflection in a mirror, or a photo of myself. But I digress....

Scarlet, my twins turned 4 in May. I have 2 older non-twins. Hmmm, "Love" being a mommy to twins? Uh, ah, sure, why not! Martini glasses are good half-full OR half-empty...

FDH, my soon-to-be-stranger-than-estranged "spouse" is a twin, himself. His twin sister had twin boys. And their mother, herself was a twin. That's just sheer bad luck on my part -- because they all think THEY had the Magical Power. However, it IS the woman's genes that determines the Twin Tendency for fraternal twins. (2 eggs....). My adad and his family went as far as saying THEY were "responsible" for my twins, because my dad's sister had identical twins. (Need I say more?)

Joe... (howdya like this one): trying to grasp a sense of my OWN identity is like eating a piece of plywood, and calling it a T-bone steak.

[scarlet52698]

Uh, ah, sure, why not! Martini glasses are good half-full OR half-empty.

LOL.........the fun never stops eh?

[joevo]

hey Karry Lynn,

Ya, I know what you mean in trying to find your own ID with out something to hang your hat on. Ya no, plywood ain't too bad with a little A1 and Tabassco, but I do recomment it well done.

Joe.

[kerry lynn]

I prefer my plywood to soak overnight in a marinade - (the secret ingredient is turpentine, but shhh, I don't want others to know... I found the recipe among all my non-existent adoption documents I don't have). Add a lovely tossed salad of twigs and grass, (extra vinegar to accentuate the bitterness) YUM!

I wonder if there's a way to find siblings, without the b.parents being involved (?) My luck, I'm an only child, and both parents died years ago.

Here's yet another odd question: were any of you who did Find, surprised to find old-looking parents? (Old, of course, being 'relative', since I am now officially a "Ma'am" <shudder>)