[silly95girl]

I have been in reunion with my birthmom for a few years now and things between us are great. I have been considering moving to the area where my mom and family live and taking a short term (2 year contract) job.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not. I would really like to get to kow my family better and be able to see them whenever I want, but I am afraid it will become hard for me. What if I realize I don't fit in with them or end up hating my mom or a sibling. Do you think something like this would happen, even after five years of a good relationship with all of them.

Any advice would be appreciated!!!

[Ariel74]

Originally Posted by silly95girl

I have been in reunion with my birthmom for a few years now and things between us are great. I have been considering moving to the area where my mom and family live and taking a short term (2 year contract) job.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not. I would really like to get to kow my family better and be able to see them whenever I want, but I am afraid it will become hard for me. What if I realize I don't fit in with them or end up hating my mom or a sibling. Do you think something like this would happen, even after five years of a good relationship with all of them.

Any advice would be appreciated!!!

I feel for your situation. I have been close to my birthfamily for 10 years, and I have considered something similar to what you are saying many, many times over the years. In retrospect, I wish I had done it. Now being married with kids, it's tough to make that kind of a move. I think if your relationship is close, you should go for it.

[JakesDad72]

I moved closer to my birthfamily two years ago looking to build a better relationship with them. In my case...it didn't help...if anything...it made things very hard. My adopted mom became jealous which caused a big strain on our relationship. Things with my birth family haven't gone very well either and because I live so close to them pulling away and taking time away from them is very hard to do. I am not saying that this will happen to you...but I am saying that you should think it through and make sure it is the best decision for you. Good luck.



Steve

[silly95girl]

Thanks for the advice ya'll. I've been struggling with this for a while and I have alot more thinking to do before I pack up and move. I really appreciate your experiences and thank you for the kind words.

[HeatherDawn]

I am not an adoptee or bmom, I am waiting to adopt...for some reason I accidentally got into this forum when I was looking for the forum related to waiting to adopt...I felt compelled to reply to your message, I don't know if I should or not but I thought I would say this to you: Sometimes when you think a situation could be better, it ends up a nightmare and vice versa. (this of course is not the same situation as yours, but please hear me out) I moved away from my biological family when I was 23, I would see them probably once a month after I moved...when I came home to visit we had the best of times, it was quality time spent . I was appreciated and so were they by me, and we focused on each other during the visits. I got married and moved back home because I wanted to be close to my family, I thought it would be great and I had high expectations. Well it didn't turn out so great. My time with my mother was taken for granted, she payed less attention to the time we had together, the time was shorter and again not very appreciated we didn't get along as well either because we took each other for granted, my father, well I saw him more before than I do know...same with my sister and my mother. Plus they get involved in situations more regarding personal life than I like...sometimes I reflect on how good it was when I lived farther away, sometimes its better living closer.....sometimes...plus if it doesn't work out, you might be stuck there and its so much harder to go back to what it was..you really need to think about it hard because there are good consequences and there are bad to each and every decision. Sometimes what you think is the best turns out to be the worst...and remember, having expectations of how something should play out can lead to huge disappointment. Especially if you fantasize about it going well.


please take care in your decision and be safe.

[kersey19]

The experience can also be wonderful as it was for my daughter and me last summer. She did an internship last summer and lived with us for three months. I worried about some of the same things you are -- what if she gets here and hates us, what if we clash -- none of those things happened. The result was the wonderful opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper level -- something that is tough to do through shorter visits. Weigh your options, be open with your bfamily and your family in this discussion. If it feels right, go for it.

I will admit it was not easy when she left.....I really struggled with the feeling of losing her again. However, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat just to have that time and to create memories together.

[Adaly77]

Do not do it!!!!!!!!! I am 28 years old and relocated with my family next door to my B mom. Biggest mistake I ever made. You are nuts if you do, the situation I have gotten myself in is just not good. Remember this, your B mom gave birth to you that is it, she does not know you like you would like her to and , you do not know her like you wished it would be.
Keep your distance because I will tell you, you think the hurt was there before you met her, it is about 10 times stronger when you move near them, I know I am there now. It is tough very tough, I thought I was doin the right thing for my kids, we were getting somewhere. You where its getting me to move back home with my A mom. So just think long and hard, I wish I had!!!!! Good Luck

[Dannee]

You will never know unless you try!