[Aquaristar]

Is there anybody out there with any information or advise regarding rejection of birthfather and his family.

My husbands birthfather located him when he was 33 years old, had him take a DNA test and "welcomed" us within his family. His father is one of FOURTEEN. We struck gold!! We were a family of 3 before this.

His b father asked that my husband think about changing his last name. Mind you, his b father has known about him his entire life. Why he never came forward before has baffled us.

Well, as i am sure you can all understand, we had been married for over 10 years and have a school aged son. Changing our last name was out of the question.

We have come to find out that he has resented us since then for NOT changing our last name. Not to mention the obvious resentment coming from his wife, who has also known about my husband for over 30 years. His half siblings hold the same feelings as well. ( However, all of my husbands b aunts, uncles and cousins have welcomed us consistantly with MORE than open arms. We hold the same respect and love for every single last one of them).

His b family hadnt been outwardly mean, however, they would do things to intentionally make us feel like outsiders looking in.

The final straw happened at a mutual family's wedding just one month ago.

His b sister attacked me and his b brother had attacked him. We hadnt so much as said hi to them so as not to cause problems. Then about an two hours into the reception, as they were saying their goodbyes..... they attacked, unprovoked. And then we were told by his b father that we were unwelcome and would never be invited to another family function again.

Although we know that he is NOT speaking for the rest of the extended family... the comment hurt to no end.

Again.... please.... somebody give me your thoughts as i am so lost as to how to make the best of this horrible situation.

[imtimm2]

I've never met my bfather, he was in prison when I found him. We exvhanged a couple of phone calls, and exactly one letter before I received a 15 page hate letter, where in my bfather explicitily listed all my faults as he saw them....All because I would not call him Daddy and could not live up to his expectations of what he wanted his daughter to be. He proceeded to tell me that he had no children, and I was dead to him.

We didn't correspond for over a year, and I finally decided to try and make peace. I received a letter telling me how many exact days it had been since my last letter, and that was unacceptable. Again, he belittled and berated me in yet another letter. Now, I know he is a delusional man, and he's in prison on his second felony stint with a rap sheet a mile long....and I know that I am not accountable for his actions, but his words were extremely painful and intentionally hurtful.

What I learned in all of this is that I can not control his attitude and I could not make him into the father I had gone searching for anymore than I could become that memory of a little girl he holds so dear. We both had very different dreams about our reunion, and in the end, we both had our hearts crushed. It is what it is, and I have accepted that.

Best Wishes