[tbirdsel]

I had always grown up with the fact that I was adopted. I don't remember a "sit down" when they told me. I can say I had the best childhood. I just lost my father in April and it really hurts because he was my "buddy" even though he was my adopted father it never seemed to that way. We had alot of the same mannerisms and acted just about the same way.
I wouldn't mind finding my biological mom just to see who I looked like and things like that. But I am so glad that my biological mom decided to give me a better life. And I did get one.

[AMom2Two]

I am so sorry to read about the loss of your father. It is never easy to say goodbye to a parent. Hugs to you...

I read your post and felt it was very beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Bye

[Michelle 053002]

So sorry for the loss of your father.

Thank you for posting a happy story of adoption, all to often we only hear the bad. I would love to one day have my daughter say what you did.

[MuyLaBonita]

I am so sorry about your father. That is so true that love comes in many different forms! My Blessings!

[kate85]

So sorry to hear about your father darl. Its so hard to deal with a loss like that.

Regarding your comment, I am in the same boat as you. I don't think there is any way I could love my adopted parents more. The bond i have for them is so incredible nobody could break it. It even seems that sometimes I find it hard to believe I am adopted - I have picked up so much from my parents over my lifetime that we have all the same mannerisms, looks etc. Its uncanny!

I too would like to meet my birthmother one day, just for the curiosity but i think that would be as far as it would go. I'm not too sure about the laws (I'm from Australia) but i guess one day something will come of it.

Its really nice to hear other stories!

kate

[aussie]

I too adore my adoptive parents (and I hate referring to them in this manner).

Kate, the laws in Australia make it very easy to find your birthparents if you want. You can PM me if you would like advice.

I met my birthmum and it has changed my life. We can spend whole days holding hands and just staring at each other. It has been the most emotionally draining 2 years of my life, and it's still a work in progress, but it is also incredible.

[sunshine]

Thank you for posting this positive message. I have adopted 3 boys and I only hope that some day they will feel the same way you do. I have read so many negative comments in these chat rooms that I have been filled with fear that my sons will resent me some day. I pray that is not true. Thank you for the hope you have given me.

[InionGrinn]

I"m an adoptee. I find it hard to beleive (I know it happents, I know it's out there) that when adoptees grow up they "resent" their adoptive parents (Aussie I also hate saying A-parents, too, you're spot on about that). I think as long as you are honest about their adoption, give them their "birth stories" about when they first come in to your lives, and love them with sheer abandon, they cannot resent you for being the best mom you could be to them. Sure, they *may* have other issues in their lives, but I don't think resentment will be among them.
I LOVE my adoptive parents, and I know they love me and my adoptive brother with all their hearts. That has carried me through for 29 years without ANY doubt, questions, wondering about my birthfamily. Now that I'm a "grownup" I have more questions. But none of my searching for myself will make me resent the wonderful people who raised me.

[sunshine]

christinask,

Thank you for your encouragement. You have helped to further take away my worries!

[kate85]

Hi guys!

Wow, I'm so happy to see my message has had a positive effect on others! Sunshine, I'm sure your three sons will love you exactly as a birth parent (I too hate those categories "birth parent", "adoptive parent" etc), if not more. I find myself so grateful towards my parents because i understand how much love they have for me and my adoptive brother.

They so badly wanted a child and they took the time, patience, stress and love to wait for children to be given to them. I think that this has formed such a strong love, both from them to me, and me to them that we have a closeness that most people envy.

Give your children the honesty they deserve, and the special love of a mother, let them know how much they mean to you and they could never, ever resent you in the slightest. I find it unfathomable to think that an adopted child could view their "mummys and daddys" in this way!

Kate

[MNelson]

I, too, would like to thank all of you adoptees for taking the time to post about your positive feelings towards your adoptive parents. Because these forums are such a great source of support, we mostly hear about the sadness and pain involved with adoption. It does sometimes make me doubt the path we have chosen as adoptive parents. But in some ways that fear of disappointing our son makes me try all the harder to be a good, honest, and open parent to him. Again, thanks.

[dl]

sunshine:

I have read so many negative comments in these chat rooms that I have been filled with fear that my sons will resent me some day. I pray that is not true.

It's sad but true that we read more negative stories than positive. But, it is human nature to complain. I read a question a couple years back: "How quick are you to complain about bad service, food or an experience? When was the last time you went out of your way to praise good service, food or an experience?" I've made a conscious effort ever since to offer praise and it's amazing how another's eyes light up and the big smile they get.

I share the other adoptees positive feelings about my parents (adoptive). They are both deceased now and I miss them terribly. I spoke at both their funeral services. A business associate and friend of my Dad's came up to me after the service. He has two teenage daughters and he said to me "If my daughters, as they mature, have half the loving feelings for me that you spoke with for your Dad, I will feel that I too was a good Dad" The fact that I was adopted made no difference ~ they were my parents, I was their child and we were a loving family.

Plareb:

Because these forums are such a great source of support, we mostly hear about the sadness and pain involved with adoption. It does sometimes make me doubt the path we have chosen as adoptive parents.

I read a post by an adoptive mother once who was hesitant to proceed with their plans for adopting a second child because she had been influenced by all the negative things she read on the forum. I started the thread: “Insight for Aparents from an Adoptee”.
Insight for Aparents from an Adoptee

One positive story led to many other positive stories. One adoptive mother sent me a pmessage that whenever she gets depressed after reading only negative posts, she goes back to read the "Insight thread" again. BTW ~ the adoptive Mother that motivated me to start the thread did proceed with her second adoption.

[mtlover]

I am also glad to hear these stories of true happiness and love and bonding with the aparents. As an adoptee I did not have that because my aparents weren't good parents. They did do the best with what they knew and I love them for everything they are and are not. My daughter however, had the best aparents and loves them tremendously and has had a great life. So the story goes... good and bad parents come in adoption as well as birth. The following quote sums it up...

I think as long as you are honest about their adoption, give them their "birth stories" about when they first come in to your lives, and love them with sheer abandon, they cannot resent you for being the best mom you could be to them.

I think if 'adoptive' parents (I have to say I agree with disliking the lables) follow those rules... there couldn't and wouldn't be resentment.

Thank you for sharing...
Kim

[Floey1]

To Kate and Aussie, Im also in Australia and have the most wonderful adoptive parents. Its weird to even write adoptive parents to me they are just Mum and Dad whom I love with all my heart. I met my birthmother just last week and we got on really well and talked pretty much for 7 hours straight, it was lovely to meet her although it was a bit like talking to a stranger.
For 42 years I have never really thought too much about being adopted, probably because I had a normal happy childhood. This last week has reinforced to me who my real mother is and that is the woman who raised me, the one who wiped my dirty bottom, tenderly dabbed my grazed knees and cuddled me when i was down, she is the one who has been there for me my whole life and loved me unconditionally. Iam making room in my life for my birth family, there is a sister and brother too. I think its a positive in my life BUT they will never replace my parents, they will always be at the top of the pile! To the adoptive parents out there please dont listen to the negativity, most of us adoptees think our parents are wonderful. Noone can replace our adoptive parents in our hearts.

[Renda]

Well said Floey!

That's just right, I thank God for my mum and dad (A), and even though they have passed away some years ago now because I have been tracing my b mother I now actually feel closer to them and wish they were here to thank them for everything they have done for me.

It seems that finding our b parents can bring us closer to our real parents (A), this has happened to my brother and my sister (A), as they traced b family it has made the bond closer with their mum and dad (A).

Thanks again to my mum and dad though, wish they could hear me now, as there is so much I could say to them.