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  #1  
Old 01-21-2013, 02:39 PM
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babyhope1030 babyhope1030 is offline
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Picking an age range or sex of children to foster

Hi all. We are taking our classes right now and then comes the 2 inches of paperwork and the homestudy. We are thinking of chosing the age range of 0-3. We have a just turned 5 year old and dont want them to be too close in age.... Our ultimate goal is a baby girl that we can someday adopt, we have two bio boys and have always wanted a baby girl. BUT we are wanting to foster as well, but not sure if we shoudl limit it to only girls or foster both.

I feel bad if we only foster girls, BUT am scared we will be placed with a boy and miss the opportunity to foster a girl. I dont want to put too many limitations on our ranges because I know that will limit our placements.

Sadly, my husband has declared that we cant foster african american children as he is just not comfortable with it. I on the other hand welcome any child, but as this is a big decision for both of us, I have to respect his decision, even if I dont agree with it at all.

Any thoughts??? Or reccomendations??
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November 2012 - App, Background & history check paperwork
December 11,2012-Told we could start classes
Decemeber 20, 2012 -first class cancelled
January 12 & 20, 2013- RAPT1 and 2 completed
February, 2013- RAPT 3 & 4 and FirstAide compelted.
April 1, 2013- Placed with my nephew as relative placement.

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  #2  
Old 01-21-2013, 03:09 PM
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5700AboveSeaLVL 5700AboveSeaLVL is offline
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My only suggestion is to know your limitations and honor them. If it's something you're not comfortable with, just say no. I'm sure there are several out there that stretched their limitations and situations worked out fine, but I think everyone has a limit somewhere.

I am one who knows which things I will not sway on and what things I have wriggle room with. Personally, I am not ready for a baby or toddler. We just got out of that phase with our bios and I rejoice and welcome the ability to reason with my kids. I'm not ready to go back and therefore do not want a placement with a baby or toddler.

A boy is also out of the question. Nothing against boys, but we are not comfortable bringing an adolecent boy into the picture with 13, 5 & 4 year old girls. I cannot "justify" this feeling in my gut except to know to heed this feeling that an adolecent boy in our household is not a good fit for us. It is just a deep gut feeling I will honor.

We will, however take school age and up girl siblings. That's where the wriggle room comes in.

Figure out your guidlines and comfort zones. Don't feel the need to explain what is right for your family or justify it. Listen to your heart and gut and proceed from there.
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  #3  
Old 01-21-2013, 03:14 PM
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Mommy2my2boys Mommy2my2boys is offline
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I could have written your post last year. We were in the same boat as you. We have three boys of our own and we only foster girls. We knew that we wanted to add a girl to our mix and I did not want to "miss" a little girl because we were fostering a boy that we knew we would not one day adopt. So we stuck to our "girls only" rule. Do what is in your heart.
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  #4  
Old 01-21-2013, 03:36 PM
PerfectWings PerfectWings is offline
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While you might wait longer for an under 3 year old girl, I think you should stick with what you want. If you take a boy then you will be wondering if you are missing the call for a girl. After you find your forever child, and if you are still interested in fostering then you could open up to both boys and girls.

Every child deserves to be loved and wanted by all members of the family in my opinion.

Be careful about race, because I have read on here several times when they said one race and when the kids showed up, they were a completely different race. Would you disrupt a child that was originally labeled white, but turned out to be biracial? Just a thought.
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My Foster Care Journey:

Started classes in fall 2009, didn't finish because both boys I was interested in adopting were placed in adoptive homes. God works in mysterious ways, my dad came to live with me about a year later. At the time I couldn't have handled 2 special needs little boys and rehabbing my dad and starting a business. I was about to start ttc but decided that I am not quite ready to bring a baby into the world but would love to help children and this is the best way that I know how to.

Current placement: Tiny Tim 6 days, 4/17/2013 Goal: Relative Adoption and Stella 6 days 11/25/2013 Goal: RU

1st placement: Honey Bear 19 months, 2/25/2013-3/20/2013 RU with dad and sisters.

2nd placement: Angry Bird 8 years old Rapunzel 6 years old! 3/4/2013-4/2/2013 RU with mom and dad.
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  #5  
Old 01-21-2013, 05:34 PM
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babyhope1030 babyhope1030 is offline
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Thank you so much ladies. I love to hear everyone elses experiences!!!

sara_christeacher- as far as race, I know my husband would love any child they brought regardless of race, it is just the idea and the fact that it is so obvious that the child is not biologically ours to the world...that makes him not comfortable with it. BUT I knwo if they brought a biracial child, he would not turn him or her away.

we really do want a little girl, so I think we might put that limitation on there....The waiting is going to suck, BUT I think that would be better than, like you said, taking in a boy and wondering if that is causign them to pass you over for a little girl placement.
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November 2012 - App, Background & history check paperwork
December 11,2012-Told we could start classes
Decemeber 20, 2012 -first class cancelled
January 12 & 20, 2013- RAPT1 and 2 completed
February, 2013- RAPT 3 & 4 and FirstAide compelted.
April 1, 2013- Placed with my nephew as relative placement.

29 Me
31 Hubby

BS-8 yo
BS -5 yo
Baby G - 16 months
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  #6  
Old 01-22-2013, 06:45 AM
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Think of foster care/adoption as a marathon and not a sprint. Just remember that you can get several girls that don't lead to adoption. I throw that in there b/c it is a possibility and there are several threads that speak of the agonizing wait. Stick to your preferences but also listen to that inner voice. I also know of another FM whose husband said no black babies...I mean he was adamant about not having black babies. Guess what, they adopted 2 black girls last yr. We make plans with our mouth but God directs our steps.
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  #7  
Old 01-22-2013, 06:59 AM
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Thank you

Thank you, In Shape. I know and I keep reminding my husband that most of the children we foster are not going to be adoptable..I keep trying to prepare myself for the agonizing waiting of it all.

I know that with my husband there is just something in his head that says no black babies, BUT I also know that he loves ALL children and would NEVER turn one away. I know if the instance arose where they brought a black baby, he would NOT turn her away.

I am sooo excited but scared of the whole process. I know I will get soo attached to each child, BUT I also know that it is important for children to be kept with their parents if they can change. I have had this happen with my sisters and their children..

I am just ready to help any child....which is hard about restricting it to only girls....but I know that that is what I want to adopt...BUT I know that God will help direct our steps to our forever child.
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___________________________________________
November 2012 - App, Background & history check paperwork
December 11,2012-Told we could start classes
Decemeber 20, 2012 -first class cancelled
January 12 & 20, 2013- RAPT1 and 2 completed
February, 2013- RAPT 3 & 4 and FirstAide compelted.
April 1, 2013- Placed with my nephew as relative placement.

29 Me
31 Hubby

BS-8 yo
BS -5 yo
Baby G - 16 months
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  #8  
Old 01-22-2013, 11:54 AM
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HopingForForever HopingForForever is offline
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We have four bio boys and our goal was to adopt a girl or two under our youngest bio's age. He was only 1 1/2 when we started the licensing process so we started with 0-12 months. Now he's 4 so we say 0-3 and it will stay that way no matter how old he gets as I'm not comfortable doing any older. Our agency was not happy about us only taking girls, but I was adamant about it. I still get calls for boys. Thing is, we only have one open bedroom for fosters and my bio boys are already two to a room. So it's two girls or two boys only. Otherwise I'd take a girl/boy sibling set. I've almost said yes to boys a couple times, but we will not adopt a boy (again, not feasible space-wise) and they really want all little ones in a home open to adopting them. We've been licensed two years now and have had five placements of baby girls all under age 1. Unfortunately we have not been able to adopt any, but three is still some hope we might get to with our current.

As for race, we have stated no preference and have only gotten Caucasian or Hispanic placements. We do have a lot of AA homes in my county, so I imagine they try there first.

Last edited by HopingForForever : 01-22-2013 at 11:56 AM.
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  #9  
Old 01-25-2013, 08:24 AM
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We also only take girls and they still call with boys and I just keep reminding them that we only take girls. We also only have 1 spare bedroom.

All I ever wanted was a little girl and I guess God thought it would be funny to give me 2 boys instead, who I love dearly, but I'm still not laughing!
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Mom to Q is 15 and A is 11
Married 20 years and waiting for my forever daughter.

9-20-06 Orientation Meeting
10-2006 to 1-20-07 going thru process
2-14-07 Received License

Former foster mom to 7 beautiful 's
C, M, T, T, K, S, & D

7-14-08 to 11-20-09 M our niece lived with us
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1-04-11 Orientation
2-28-11 Fingerprints
3-24-11 Finished classes
4-08-11 Fire Inspection
5-05-11 Homestudy
I'm starting to notice a pattern with our dates
6-01-11 Licensed
7-12-11 Placement of 6 yr old L. to 10-25-12
5-15-13 Placement of V 2 and M 3 to 7-19-13
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  #10  
Old 01-25-2013, 01:02 PM
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HopingForForever HopingForForever is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommacass
We also only take girls and they still call with boys and I just keep reminding them that we only take girls. We also only have 1 spare bedroom.

All I ever wanted was a little girl and I guess God thought it would be funny to give me 2 boys instead, who I love dearly, but I'm still not laughing!

Same here except He gave me four! They are all amazing and I am so blessed, really, but I know if I had a girl in the mix I would not be fostering at this time in my life and I feel strongly that is what He wants me to be doing. I've had four beautiful baby girls come and go, but holding onto hope our current may be our forever one.
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  #11  
Old 01-25-2013, 01:24 PM
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We're at this same spot and it's hard...

BD has asperger's, so she is emotionally on a 7/8 year old level and she is a pretty easy target for bullies, especially boys.

We are tentatively saying girls to age 7 and boys to age 3, but with us only having one spare room and a crib in our room, I wonder if that will limit us to girls only. We're hoping to move to a bigger home in the fall and could then have a boys room, but right now that isn't really an option for us.
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BD (12), SS (20), SD (21)

Current placements: Baby Girl

Previous placements:
11 girls, ages 7 months to 12 years
1 baby boy, 4 months

Orientation: 11/9/12
Finished classes: 11/17/12
Fingerprinted: 11/19/12
Piles of paperwork and physicals completed in November.
January - switched from private agency to county
Home study visits -1/8, 1/31 and 2/6/13
Home Study submitted 4/11/13!
Waiting on licensing!
Officially licensed 4/30/13

Planning to foster, possibly sibling groups 0-7
Open to adoption, in the right situation
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  #12  
Old 01-25-2013, 08:59 PM
singingmommy singingmommy is offline
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We started out with similar age and gender and race preferences. We have 4 bio sons and don't live in an extremely diverse area and thought we would not be the best adoptive resource for AA kids. We really wanted to adopt a little girl eventually and decided we would not take a placement we would not potentially be willing to adopt. (And that meant a girls.) So we said 0-4 girls, up to 2, not AA.

We are licensed for 2 and agreeable to siblings, as long as one was a girl.

Waiting was super hard. After two months of waiting, we decided to take any race because we really just wanted to help kids. I was tired of waiting. I knew we would love any child God gave us and if we were meant to adopt, then he would give us the tools to be good parents to that child.

At 4 months after being licensed, we got called for our current FD. She is our first placement (although we have been called for 2 more babies, and I told placement coordinator we were not taking any more now.) We got her at 2 weeks old from the hospital and it looks like we will be adopting her (although nothing is certain). And she is caucasian.

It just depends on where you live and the population. For us, the wait changed our race preferences, but not our gender or age preferences. And then it did not matter.
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  #13  
Old 01-26-2013, 08:29 AM
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My husband and I are hoping to adopt a litle girl prefered hispanic so I may have something in common with her but cc girl would be lovely too eventough seems harder to get one. no AA babies it may sound ridiculous but my husband think many times AA kids are tought to hate cc people he is a loving person and very compasionate I would no been sorprise if we adopt AA kid but I respect his feelings too and to be honest I would no feel comfortable with people giving us look of curiosity for having a kid that is neither parent's race, I feel bad for us feeling this way but it is true.
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  #14  
Old 01-31-2013, 09:36 AM
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We are in a similar position, but with two bio girls. We have been debating back and forth about only taking boys. We are open to any race (I think we have some misgivings, but it's hard to know how it will really be!) but have a young age range because of the ages of our bios. We don't have our heart completely set on boys, and sometimes I could see another girl fitting in really well. I think we are going to leave it up to God's direction at this point, and see who needs us. If we ended up adopting a girl, I could see us continuing to foster boys with the hopes to adopt one more. But we will see!
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