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  #16  
Old 03-28-2012, 05:49 PM
smit8211 smit8211 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by millie58
Twice a day sounds ridiculous just from a logistics point of view. Is the agency providing transportation? If they want visits twice a day, they need to help with transportation.

They made it crystal clear that "TRANSPORTATION IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!" Even the 2x/day if you work. It was quite disturbing actually. I asked if they assist with transportation but they said only in emergencies.
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  #17  
Old 03-28-2012, 05:53 PM
smit8211 smit8211 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hopefulandwatching
It really sounds to me like they are painting an ugly picture in hopes of scaring off those who are not really committed! I have two infants in my home...one has visits two times a week for two hours each time(although, not right now as parents are in jail) the other has 3 for 1.5 hours each(but, soon, two because mom isn't showing for any of them, so they are reducing visits)

We were told the exact same thing in our classes NO babies...and IF you get one, they ALWAYS go to relatives...they never stay...hmmmm...did I mention that our in our FD's case both parents want to relinquish and have specifically said they want us to adopt...that could change...this really is a roller coaster...but, still...and, tomorrow is the Trial setting date in our FS case...the state has filed to TPR on his parents...we've had him since birth and the case goal is adoption by us...there are never any guarentees...anything can happen...the judge decides everything...but, I've heard of many families who've adopted their little ones who had them since birth. And, right now, it looks like we may be one of them! Don't let them scare you...they just need to know that you understand how it all works. RU IS THE GOAL until it is not the goal anymore...and in the meantime, you have to be willing to love that child with ALL your heart...risking all...knowing they could leave...grieving in advance, just a little, every day...and do it anyway. I think they've had a real flood of people who want to adopt this way...want a baby...and don't understand all that is at stake and all that it takes to foster. IT's NOT easy...it takes over your life...but, the little ones are WORTH IT. In a few months, we will know whether either, or both of our babies stayed, or are staying...if not, I am sure I will grieve...but, I KNOW I have been blessed beyond measure and no one can take away all that we have shared with and given to these children...I know they are SO worth it.

I am happy that things look like they may be working out for your little ones & your family! Thank you for the info & encouragement.
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  #18  
Old 03-28-2012, 08:11 PM
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takeuwithme96 takeuwithme96 is offline
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May I ask what state you live in?

Quote:
Originally Posted by smit8211
In our training class today they said newborns are almost always given visits 2x a day with their bios, right off the bat. Is that normal? It seems excessive to me...
Also in our county, immediate -unsupervised- visits are the norm....and we were told that adoptions by foster parents are very unlikely...only 2 in the county last year. We are pretty discouraged...the county judge has been in the news lately...for sending kids into dangerous situations against the advice of CPS...I'm beginning to think we shouldn't foster in this county.
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  #19  
Old 03-29-2012, 04:48 AM
MommaTina MommaTina is offline
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Our FD was placed with us at 13 days old. She has been with us for 8 months now, and has only ever had supervised visits, 1 hr/1 day a week. I doubt anything will change with her visits until/unless the goal is changed (visits decrease) OR if the parents start working their plan more seriously (visits increase) - the judge and CW's have all indicated this.
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  #20  
Old 03-29-2012, 03:22 PM
smit8211 smit8211 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by takeuwithme96
May I ask what state you live in?

I live in New York state
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  #21  
Old 03-29-2012, 04:05 PM
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Our Agency didn't use scare tactics during our training, but other foster-adopt families we have met that worked directly with the State had a similiar experience. We were licenced for 2 children ages 0-4 and our FD (now 2 year-old DD) was placed with us when she was 4 days old. She had 2 supervised visits a week, which was later reduced to 1 supervised visit a week. Our Agency did all of the transporting. Is working through an Agency an option? Good luck!
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  #22  
Old 03-29-2012, 08:20 PM
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takeuwithme96 takeuwithme96 is offline
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I looked up your state statistics and in 2010 there was 23,000 children in foster care in NY state. Now if they do this for every infant it is going to make more work for the caseworkers isnt it? 2x/day visits just seems outrageous when there's so many children in foster care.

Quote:
Originally Posted by smit8211
I live in New York state
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  #23  
Old 04-05-2012, 06:25 PM
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Oh my goodness I would go insane. I have 2 infants in my care right now, along with a toddler. No way could I handle 4 kids and at least 4 parent visits a day 8|
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  #24  
Old 04-06-2012, 02:39 PM
smit8211 smit8211 is offline
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I had our first home visit today. I asked about the 2x/day visits. She clarified that it doesn't happen very often. It was a worse case situation. But that if it is a newborn there is a chance that it would happen in this county. So...I feel a little better now. I just hate that they didn't just tell us it was the worst case scenario in class. jeesh.
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  #25  
Old 04-06-2012, 06:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smit8211
I had our first home visit today. I asked about the 2x/day visits. She clarified that it doesn't happen very often. It was a worse case situation. But that if it is a newborn there is a chance that it would happen in this county. So...I feel a little better now. I just hate that they didn't just tell us it was the worst case scenario in class. jeesh.



Yep, scare tactic.....and I highly doubt that the "worse case scenario" ever really happens either.

I smell a lot of BS there. Just as others have said. I think it is to scare off people who just want babies.

Keep plugging along. Address it when it comes up. I always ask about visitations when they call me. I work full time, so it is one of the most important answers to me. If it is more than 1 x week, I make it clear there will need to be assitance with transportation arrangements.
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  #26  
Old 04-07-2012, 04:25 PM
Blue_Suede_Shoes Blue_Suede_Shoes is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smit8211
I wish I had heard wrong. But everybody reacted when the CW said it. A woman asked how she was supposed to work and do visits 2x a day. the caseworker said something along the lines of "if you don't want to do 2 visits a day then you have no place taking in infants & toddlers". It was crazy. I'm hoping she was just trying to scare people off...for whatever reason.

I find this very strange. (Not saying I disbelieve you at all, just literally that I think it's strange. ) I don't see the logic of that arrangement at all, especially for an infant. Even work situation aside, what is the foster mom supposed to do, drive back and forth twice a day with the baby just hanging out in the carseat? Sit around at the visit location with an infant while waiting for the next visit session? Neither of those options seem very good for the baby, foster mom aside - although obviously it's pretty ridiculous for the foster mom, too.

It does seem like a lot, but I'm also wondering what the logic is behind having two visits instead of, say, one longer one?

If the parents are doing so well that they get to have that much unsupervised time with their baby, why do they even need a break between visits? How is this preparing them for RU? When the baby goes home, they're going to have to do the childcare 24/7, not twice a day with someone else doing some of the work in between sessions.

I guess that's my biggest point of confusion: What's the point of the split? If they're doing well enough to have that much unsupervised time, fine... but why aren't the visits just longer? If they can't manage a long stretch of solo parenting, it seems like they'd be better off using some of that time to work on their plan rather than spending so much of their day visiting.

It's a bad situation for the foster mom... but frankly, I also don't understand how this visit arrangement supports RU?
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  #27  
Old 04-07-2012, 05:29 PM
millie58 millie58 is offline
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Blue Suede Shoes: ITA! I'm in NY. I fostered an infant about 7 years ago. I also had his 8 yo bio brother. At that time, visits were once a week for an hour. There was a driver who transported and supervised the visits. To help with RU, visits went to overnight, then to weekends. If there are other kids, what happens with them if you're transporting an infant twice a day? Makes you wonder who came up with that.
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  #28  
Old 04-09-2012, 09:03 AM
smit8211 smit8211 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Suede_Shoes
I find this very strange. (Not saying I disbelieve you at all, just literally that I think it's strange. ) I don't see the logic of that arrangement at all, especially for an infant. Even work situation aside, what is the foster mom supposed to do, drive back and forth twice a day with the baby just hanging out in the carseat? Sit around at the visit location with an infant while waiting for the next visit session? Neither of those options seem very good for the baby, foster mom aside - although obviously it's pretty ridiculous for the foster mom, too.

It does seem like a lot, but I'm also wondering what the logic is behind having two visits instead of, say, one longer one?

If the parents are doing so well that they get to have that much unsupervised time with their baby, why do they even need a break between visits? How is this preparing them for RU? When the baby goes home, they're going to have to do the childcare 24/7, not twice a day with someone else doing some of the work in between sessions.

I guess that's my biggest point of confusion: What's the point of the split? If they're doing well enough to have that much unsupervised time, fine... but why aren't the visits just longer? If they can't manage a long stretch of solo parenting, it seems like they'd be better off using some of that time to work on their plan rather than spending so much of their day visiting.

It's a bad situation for the foster mom... but frankly, I also don't understand how this visit arrangement supports RU?

Their explanation is that it is to promote the initial bonding between new baby & mother. Why 2x/day. I have no clue...That is a good question. I will have to ask. I did tell them that 2x/day would be disruptive to the other children we have & they agreed that it would be difficult...the whole concept is just screwy.

There is a lot about the system in our county that doesn't make sense. It has recently become public knowledge that things are not right here (by fault of our family court judge): here is a little bit about that: Oswego County legislators concerned about Family Court rulings | syracuse.com
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  #29  
Old 04-09-2012, 09:05 AM
smit8211 smit8211 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by millie58
Blue Suede Shoes: ITA! I'm in NY. I fostered an infant about 7 years ago. I also had his 8 yo bio brother. At that time, visits were once a week for an hour. There was a driver who transported and supervised the visits. To help with RU, visits went to overnight, then to weekends. If there are other kids, what happens with them if you're transporting an infant twice a day? Makes you wonder who came up with that.

The judge came up with it & here it is very rare that we get help with transportation. Oswego County legislators concerned about Family Court rulings | syracuse.com
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  #30  
Old 04-10-2012, 06:35 PM
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My baby has one 2hour visit per week. Kids over a year get one 1hour visit per week.
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