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  #1  
Old 10-13-2011, 06:58 PM
momto1g1b momto1g1b is offline
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writing letter to foster child & the parent

We have to write a letter to our future foster child & their parent.

I don't even know where to start Can somebody please help me? Thanks in advance.
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  #2  
Old 10-14-2011, 07:06 AM
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wcurry66 wcurry66 is offline
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I can't imagine the circumstance where this would be a good idea. Could you elaborate as to your reasoning?

Perhaps there's something unique about your situation(?)

To the BP, you represent the face of the people taking away their child. Taking away.. as in steal. they won't necessarily trust you. They may see you as competition for their kid. Someone using their better station in life to steal their baby (even if the kid is older now, it was their baby at some point).

If the BP is a manipulative sort, they'll see this as in invitation to start messing with you. i know that sounds really harsh. And there are good people involved in the foster care system, but in general - its not your job to engage with nor befriend the BP

If they show commitment to RU, you can establish a relationship at that point. Help mentor as needed

As for a letter to a FK, I personally wouldn't do that.
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Old 10-14-2011, 07:36 AM
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We have to do this too, as part of the MAPP training.

The letter to the birth parents/family is basically like a letter you would include in an adoption profile -- tell them about your family life and reassure them that you will take good care of their kids while they are with your family. Basically, put yourself in their shoes: If you had to send your child off to live with another family for awhile, what would you want to know about them?

Same for the child letter. We had trouble with this, b/c we're looking to foster/adopt babies, but we went with the assumption that the child can read/understand the letter. Again, put yourself in the child's shoes and write about what you think the child would want to know. For us, since we're looking at babies, we are including pictures of the room and play areas, but older kids will benefit from pictures of the rooms of the house too, if you're allowed to make a collage. Then talk about the neighborhood, the school they will attend, the activities the kids in your home do, what you all do for work and play, etc.

We only included our first names in the letters, so that it would be harder to identify us and find us if something went wrong with a birth family.
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Old 10-14-2011, 09:08 AM
Growinghome Growinghome is offline
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I think this is wonderful! We didn't do this in our training. It can be so easy to forget you are dealing with "humans" not just a "system". Especially where birth parents are concerned. I think showing empathy for the person, even when you hate what they have done, can go a long way. As SWD said, try to put yourself in their shoes. What would you want them to write to you?
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Old 10-14-2011, 12:42 PM
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Is this just an exercise, so you learn something from it? Or something that the agency/State plan to actually give to the bps/ an older child?
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Old 10-14-2011, 12:56 PM
momto1g1b momto1g1b is offline
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We have to do this for our MAPP class. It will go in our file.
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Old 10-17-2011, 06:41 AM
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Hope2makeadiff Hope2makeadiff is offline
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MAPP Letters

We had to do this too. In the 'parent' letter, I tried to imagine what I would want to know if I was in their shoes. I wrote first about my husband and myself and our household (our ages, what we do for a living, our other children, our pets). The second paragraph was about our house and neighborhood, and our parenting experience. The third was about why we are foster parents. The last sentence thanks them for trusting us with their children.

For the 'child' letter, it was sort of the same outline only targetted at a childs level. I tried to explain that i understood they and their family had gone through some hard times lately and our family wants to help them.

Hope this gave you some ideas. Both were less than a page.
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Old 10-21-2011, 11:17 AM
servnjah servnjah is offline
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Well *I* did write a letter to the bps of my three. I also wrote letters to the mom of our littlest two which she really appreciated (and her letters back brought me to tears she was so sweet). Let me see if I can alter the one to the three's parents so you can see at least. I have never met them. All I know is what is in court record for the past 4 years as well as from facebook.

Dear Michael and Mindi,

I am writing to let you know how your children are doing. I know I would want to know they were in a safe, happy, and healthy place; so I want to assure you that your children are. They have been here about four months at the time I’m writing this. They have been a joy to have around. My family has been blessed with knowing them. Even the dog loves them!

[[[Then I shared several things the kids are enjoying doing. Almost all of the things are things the parents COULD have done with them had they cared to. Coloring, bike riding, park, school stuff, the children's health. I didn't carry on about things they couldn't have afforded. I use the children's names frequently.]]]

I just want to let you know they are doing well. I know I would want to know my kids were with good people and were busy being children. Please know they are very well taken care of here.

Best to you and yours,
P******** S***********

Hopefully that helps a little,
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Last edited by servnjah : 10-21-2011 at 11:21 AM.
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