[amelie38]

Hello all,
I am a total newbie, just embarking on this crazy journey called (foster) adoption. I read on another website that the term 'paper pregnant' is offensive to other people. It did not explain why. Perhaps I am being a little dense, but I want to educate myself. I also do not want to inadvertently offend someone.
Thank you.

[blueflower]

I'm not even sure what the term means.

[crick]

Paper Pregnant basically means the official adoption process has begun. Usually you have your application done and are waiting for the referral of your child, waiting for your match, doing your homestudy etc.

So while not physically pregnant you are waiting for your child and during the time you are waiting, you go through many emotions, preparations etc. similar to a woman that is pregnant. (getting the nursery/room ready, buying clothes, etc.) It's not comparable in many ways, and yet the road to motherhood is often a very emotional/up & down one no matter how you build your family, kwim?

Amelie - I suppose some might find it offensive because they feel there are some that take it too literally? I don't really know though. I think though they would be in the minority of that feeling. I've never seen anyone on here be offended by the term at all.

You can't please everyone...

[txwannabemom]

LOL The adoption process was so emotional and all consuming my boss often told me, "it's ok, your just pregnant". I'd never heard the term paper pregnant. But emotional mess: you bet! Now it's new momma syndrome: for sure!

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by amelie38

Hello all,
I am a total newbie, just embarking on this crazy journey called (foster) adoption. I read on another website that the term 'paper pregnant' is offensive to other people. It did not explain why. Perhaps I am being a little dense, but I want to educate myself. I also do not want to inadvertently offend someone.
Thank you.

I don't find it offensive although many do. I do find it mixes two experiences that (I guess I am assuming since I have never been pregnant past 10 weeks) are completely different. From my experience, one of the things that needs to happen during the process of trying to adopt is to set aside any expectations that adopting is anything like giving birth except of course the fact, that you may end up getting the privilege of being a parent when the process is over.

[stevenstwin]

I'd never heard it before, but I thought it was cute! I think there are people in this world just looking for something to be offended by.

[amelie38]

Thank you for that everyone.
I think I like the term (since it is the only way I am going to be pregnant). Plus, a pregnant pause means a big pause. Paper pregnant can mean big (piles) of paper work, lol.
Stevenstwin, amen to that! I see it every day.

[musemoon]

I've never been pregnant but spend nine months going through similar emotions as my pregnant friends and the day before I was placed I spent the entire day on the floor writhing in some unknown pain. A friend said it was "Labor" whatever it was it sucked. Now my pregnant friends who have babies and me who have babies are exactly the same...so who cares. An adoptive parent needs to feel "pregnant" it is important, otherwise, you don't prepare your heart and mind for a child. No, it's not the same thing, but when you are finally wiping that child's running nose, shoving a few more morsels of food in their mouth while they try one more go at climbing to the top of the monkey bars, nearly falling to their death, you're a parent just like the rest of them. Pregnancy or no...so paper pregnant is what you are.

[JRobot]

It seems like "expectant" would be a better term. Both birth parents and non-birth parents (in dyads - when only one is pregnant) are expectant, as are adoptive parents.

We are definitely feeling 'expectant' and wanting to nest, as much or more so than when we actually were pregnant (and pre-miscarriage).

[crick]

Might run into more confusion by saying "expectant" though. Most people equate expectant mother with a pregnant woman. Not saying we aren't expecting parents no matter how the family is created. Just saying to most, you'd need a clarifier in there so they understand.

"I'm an expectant parent by adoption"...kwim?

[thanksgivingmom]

Paper Pregnant sometimes irks me and sometimes doesn't - maybe sometimes it just depends on the context? You know, sometimes different things rub you the wrong way

If I'm having a hard adoption related day, and I stumble across someone that's announcing a "paper pregnancy" meaning that they're matched and expecting a baby?......to be honest, sometimes I just get annoyed. I get very "me, me, me" (or more accurately "expectant Mom, expectant Mom, expectant Mom") and feel like pregnancy might be the ONE thing this Mother really gets - and that's being taken away.

Now, I COMPLETELY REALIZE that might not be (probably isn't!!) the intention of the excited prospective adoptive parent - but hey, sometimes our knee jerk reactions are always logical!

[paigeturner]

The term doesn’t offend me in the least; it makes me roll my eyes, because most “cutesy” terms have that effect on me.

Now, if a person took the “paper pregnancy” to the point of parking in the “expectant mother” spot at the mall, I would be offended.

[crick]

TGM - that's a good point and you are right too in that most would not dream of thinking of it that way or intention.

Paige - I remember years ago a discussion on just that. I was floored how many didn't see anything wrong with parking in that spot because they too were expecting a child. To me it's the same as parking in the Handicap spot if you are deaf...yanno?

I never used this term. I always just said "we are adopting".

[thanksgivingmom]

Crick - folks didn't think there was something wrong with parking there????? Yeah, THAT would bother me for sure!

[paigeturner]

TG, I remember this thread as well and it sparked quite a debate with many hopeful adoptive parents seeing absolutely nothing wrong with parking there. That one, I just didn't get...not at all.