[musemoon]

To TG's point, I agree that if you were speaking about an already matched child, then yuck. I agree, we are removing the pregnancy from the expectant mother and her child. I have never used the terms "paper pregnant", however I have told people who are preparing their forms to consider themselves "pregnant" as in, "take this waiting time seriously, you are going to have a baby in a finite amount of time" however, if matched and waiting via domestic adoption, I would use the more empathetic terms, of "matched with an expectant mother" etc. However if just getting your paperwork together, well...I guess I think just referring to yourself and your family as "pregnant" to mean getting ready for a baby, might be not be offensive. But as TG has said, it is offensive to an expectant mother planning to place (or has already placed) a child. So as with all things in adoption, we learn and adapt as we learn.

And boy if we had a an expectant mother parking space, I sure as heck hope it is only for those who are truly pregnant! Otherwise...it's kinda slimy. An adoptive parent is not impeded by their physical pregnancy, so save the special parking space excitement for the day when you do have a family and can use the family parking...yikes.

[thanksgivingmom]

Muse, I think we're totally on the same page

Which is why I said it only irks me sometimes Like I know YOU and if when you were waiting for Indya (whom I need to see SOON by the way! and big sis Aria too!!!) and you said you were paper pregnant? I don't think it would have bugged me, haha!

I TOLD you it didn't make much sense sometimes!!!

So yes, the term isn't inherently offensive (to me) but like so many things, the way it's used can change that.

[musemoon]

:-) I know TG cause you and I are friends, but I think you brought up a great point. I never saw it that way and it makes sense.

Okay...this is crazy, we do need to see each other. I'll email you in a few minutes :-)

[triciansil]

First time i've heard that phrase to but I actually like it

[amelie38]

Well explained.
We were curious...still in the paperwork stage (to the nth degree). We are going through the county.
This is all so new and we are trying to figure out all the terminology; what to say; what not to say. How to get that foot flavor out of our mouths (although not on this one! That is why I asked you first).

[sandysis]

I'm late coming to this thread, as I'm a new (future) resource parent (a term I like!).

The reason the term "paper pregnant" bothers me is that it takes that experience away from the first mother, almost as if her experience of phyisical pregnancy doesn't exist. What she did was conceive, carry and give birth to the child... and that is hers forever. I don't want to take that away from her.

It also constantly compares the experience of adoption to giving birth, and somehow makes it feel second best. Does this make sense?

Yes, there are many emotions attached to the experience (I'm an adoptive mom, so I've been there), but pregnancy, labor, etc are not among them. I prefer to use completely adoption (or foster) related terms that keep the experience of adoption positive. Terms like, "referral!" or "matched!" or "on the waiting list!" are very exciting, empowering adoption words.

I like to keep the two experiences distinct.

sandysis