[Lulu_Colorado]

Hi there, I'm a brand new member and have just started the steps to becoming a foster parent! We (my husband and I) are already approved, and have decided on 5-10 as our age range. We have never had any bio children, so becoming parents of any kind is new to us!

Anyway, I have noticed after a little lurking on here, that most people seem to want to foster ages below 5. Is there a particular reason for this? We were thinking that a child who is a little older would be more independent, and a little easier to handle for first timers. We have also asked that we don't get any special needs children to start out with until we are more experienced.

Should we maybe rethink this age choice? Any tips or advice? Any help is greatly appreciated!

[Prettyboicris]

First off most children in foster care will have some special needs. Some might have minor behavior or emotional issues that you may not consider special needs so my suggestion would be to read up on what they consider "special needs". You may be meaning only SEVERE special needs. There are things like asthma for example that a child can have and that will classify them as a child with mild special needs. So you and your husband may want to think about that a little because telling a worker NO special needs may limit your search.

I am someone who is open to children 5 or younger. The reason why is because my wife and I want to experience certain things with our first child. After our first adoption the age will not matter as much but there are things we want to do with a younger child that you wont necessarily get to do with an older child.

Best of luck to you in your journey.

[dachshunds4you]

We agree with Mr Cris. Since we are unable to have children, we too wanted to experience how it was having a baby and raising one from birth. We have had about 13 babies (including respites) in our home over the last 3 yrs. The oldest was 18 months.

Now that we have adopted our daughter, who is now 2 1/2, we have decided to expand our age range. For foster, we are still pretty much under the age of 7 or 8. But we may be willing to adopt a child that is free for adoption up to the age of 9 or 10. It's hard, since our daughter is still so young, that we don't want to go too much older than her. As she gets older, we will probably raise our age level.

Everyone has choices based on what they feel they can handle and what they can offer a child in certain age ranges. Some don't want a baby at all, because of the sleepness nights and diaper changing, and would rather go up in age.

Also, if you work full time, it's easier to have children that go to school. If you're SAHM, it might be easier to have a baby. Many different choices to make...

You can always see how your age range works for you and change it any time you feel better prepared.

Best to you both!

[DannieAS]

yes it varies. Some do foster that young because adoption is their ultimate goal and sometimes the only way to adopt is to become a foster parent first.

I want a 0-4 yr old....but I'm also licensed because I want to adopt from the foster system. Honestly, my only reason for keeping it under age five is because I want to take my child to their first day of Kindergarten. That is the ONE milestone I feel I MUST have...

technically I hope I get placed with a toddler/preschooler aged child....but because of the county I'm in having plenty of relinquishments and babies, I've lowered my acceptance level to birth...(which I know seems weird to some people, but I'm much better with children older than 1year even though I love babies too)

Also I'm adopting a single person so I have some hesitations of children in care before age 2 (mostly because they can't talk and I would really want to make sure they were ok)....after 2, I like preschool for kids...and it's also less expensive (and I already have a place which a friend of the family runs and I know the kids are safe). I know many single people like school age children because they can already have a school routine in place for them and it may make transitions easier for them.

We all have our own quirks of what we "want" and can't live without and can live without....

[Lulu_Colorado]

Hi, thanks guys! Our manager asked us to clarify special needs too. We told him that a diabetic child is ok, asthmatic is ok, things like that. I'm more worried about emotional and mental problems and being able to handle them. I feel guilty saying no to fostering kids like that, but I don't want to get in over my head right off the bat. Our ultimate goal is also adoption, and I think young school age seems pretty good. After potty training, and before teenage hormones! As of right now we want a big family (5 or 6 kids, crazy I know) but that might change as we go around the block a couple of times. I'm so glad I have somewhere to come to get some insight, we really have no one to talk to about this stuff. Thanks again for the replies -Louise

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by Lulu_Colorado

Hi, thanks guys! Our manager asked us to clarify special needs too. We told him that a diabetic child is ok, asthmatic is ok, things like that. I'm more worried about emotional and mental problems and being able to handle them. I feel guilty saying no to fostering kids like that, but I don't want to get in over my head right off the bat. Our ultimate goal is also adoption, and I think young school age seems pretty good. After potty training, and before teenage hormones! As of right now we want a big family (5 or 6 kids, crazy I know) but that might change as we go around the block a couple of times. I'm so glad I have somewhere to come to get some insight, we really have no one to talk to about this stuff. Thanks again for the replies -Louise

The older the child, the higher the likelihood of emotional problems, because they will most probably have been living longer with abuse and dysfunction. This is especially true if the child has had multiple caregivers in the past, since then there is a strong chance of attachment disorder (which can range from mild to very serious, and anything other than very mild you do NOT want to deal with if you aren't interested in special needs!). I suppose a very young child, especially a baby straight from the hospital, is "easier" in that way because they haven't been exposed to as much harmful and damaging stuff. That said, I prefer teens. I don't mind the higher emotional needs and I do like the greater independence, as you mention. It's nice to have a kid that can stay alone for a few hours, take care of his own basic needs, etc!

[Shelly77]

Louise -

My husband and I were certified in Nov/Dec 2008. We have an age range of 3 - 11 so quite similar to yours.

Everyone has their own reasons for choosing their age range, but my personal opinion on this is that you should do what you feel comfortable with handling and understand your own personal reasons.

I'm happy to explain mine if you'd like but even if your reasons and my reasons for this age range that includes children older than the infant/toddler range are very different, if you and your husband are comfortable with the decision, I would still stick with it.

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone!

[Ethans_Mom]

We want a child under 4 because we want to preserve the birth order for our DS. Also because there is always a bit more risk to him if we bring in an older child (more possibility for an older child to harm him - not expecting that but not a risk we're willing to take).

[In_limbo_for_now]

DH and I have a 0-12 age range. I have a daughter but Dh has never had kiddos. He has spent time around kids but never had the baby wake him in the middle of the night.
We are matched with 2 ages 6 and 7. We have had several visits and the kiddos should move in anyday.
The independent thing is a double edged sword. Many children have been in very adult situations some have even been caregivers. Adult authority is something that maybe new to them. I think that there is more patience needed with all kids in the system. The may seem more mature in some ways and less in others. I have heard of 10yr olds who did not know how to take care of normal self care needs including taking a bath.

There is a need for people to care for kids of all ages and if you feel 5-10 is right for you then so be it. Never be afraid to ask about changing if you feel the fit isn't working.

[anilorak13ska]

I'm so glad to see how everyone has a different age preference, and no one is beating anyone up over not just being open to any child.

I feel terribly guilty for not being comfortable with say seriously special needs kids, or a large sibling group, or all ethnicities, or any age. I feel guilty, but that doesn't change my comfort level.

Bottom line, in raising a child, you have to feel confident and comfortable doing what you're doing, so as to be most effective in surrouding the child with love, stability, discipline, etc.

We are recent "converts" to foster care. DH and I don't have any kids, and for the past year we've been pursuing independent adoption of a newborn. Then, a few weeks ago, we saw two preschool brothers on a photolisting and everything changed. We're in the pool to be considered for them at their June 17th committee meeting, but even if they don't pick us, God has opened my heart to a wider age range and we are now looking for one or two kids (boys or girls) up to age 4.

My reason is to have at least a year at home with them before they are school-aged. I want a child who looks to me for his/her needs and comes to depend on me. I want to be the nurturer, protector, teacher, care-taker.

With older kids, as some of you mentioned, their independence means they don't need me as much, and having never been a mother before, I need to have that feeling.

[ladyjubilee]

Well, I'm supposed to be 6+ heavy on the + like say 14-17.....but I've had a 6month (sooo glad it was only for a weekend!) and 6 yrs, 9, 11 and now a 5 (was 4 when he came). I'm hopeful on a 5 & 7 or an 11 (I'm being considered for either adoptive placements).

I like older children and as I'm reminded daily, nay hourly, with Little Guy---I really really really don't like diapers.

[In_limbo_for_now]

Someone recently told me " you need to feel that you are the best person to parent the child or children in your care". I think it is true. You need to be 110% commited to your child because there will be times when even that 110% won't seem like it is enough.

[CaddoRose]

We are licensed for 0-11 yrs old and have a bio who is 12 and a soon to be adopted who is almost 2 yrs old. When we started we wanted kids younger than our bio and so far all the calls we have had except one has been for under 4 yrs old! Generally, the older the child, the more problems they can have. Not all, but in general, older kids have been in a bad situation for some time and come with a variety of problems that can take longer to fix because they are older. On the other hand, there are plenty of people who have really young ones who have severe behavioral problems and I don't mean special needs. Babies that don't get their needs met can develop some pretty severe problems and soon.

[mommy09]

I think after you have a few placements you will get a better idea of what age group works for your family.Me and my husband first wanted a child 5 to 10. Our first placement ended up being a 16 year old!!! Each child is different. A lot of people want kids that are younger because they tend to be easier because they are more "mold able" and are still "innocent"- that's just my opinion. Ultimately you need to do what seems right for you; not what everyone else seems to be doing.. Good luck..

[bethy724]

I think providing respite care may help decide the age range/speical needs you are willing to take; it will also give you the opportunity to meet other fps' in your area & get your feet wet. I thought I would never take a crack baby but when I provided respite for a 4 month old she was different than anything I expected (or heard about)-she was an angel & the happiest baby I ever met-she already went thru de-tox & withdrawls. I opened my age range & special needs for respite because I know I'll only have them for a weekend-you may want to consider it.