[Jeremiah_29:11]

Hi everyone,
My hubby and I have been go through the PRIDE training and getting our homestudy done with a private agency that is actually in a different county than us. We should have our homestudy complete by the end of May- woohoo!
Anyway, I was approached with a situation from a coworker and would like your advice/opinion...
My Coworker's Sister works with a lady whose daughter recently had her 5th child, (the previous 4 have all been adopted out through the fostercare system) the child is a little over a month old and is already with SS bc her mother has a drug problem. The grandmother of the child who works with my coworkers' sister said they are 'looking' for a family to adopt her but she is already with SS, she gave my coworkers sister the childs name, parent names, and the SW name and phone number and asked that we call bc the family wants to see that she is placed with a good family. The grandmother can't take her but seems to 'think' she has a say who can... I'm not sure that is even possible, I asked our worker who wasn't sure and said she would ask her supervisor about it but it wouldn't at all 'help' the agency that we are working with so I'm not sure that would lead to any fruition. I'm wondering if the family is already with SS, can the bio family 'handpick' someone to adopt?? Is this a dead end road or should I call the SW # that she gave me? Thanks for your advice- I know that many of you have so much more knowledge than me as I have learned so much from these forums! thanks in advance!

[quiescentfury]

It never hurts to follow a lead, but most of the time the bio family has no say in who adopts the child. The child most likely is already in a foster to adopt family and would only be moved if the baby ir RU or the foster parents do not want to adopt, or if a suitable family member comes forward to adopt the baby.

You never know though. In our case the SW really liked the bio mom, we all do, and she did take our girls' mom opinion and she was actually at our match staffing and presentation. So I would not get your hopes up, but it does not hurt to follow the lead.

[excited2adoptsoon]

I'd call. We had the same thing happen! We ended up with a 3 year old (almost identical scenario to yours!..but child older) that we had for over a year. The family does not usually have a say BUT they often can consider an aquaintence a "non-related extended family member" often referred to as NREFM ...the term is used very loosely and basically means that you know someone in the family. That would have preference over strangers in most cases. It did in our case. It can make a big difference if you met these people so if there's any chance of that before the SW is notified, I'd do that. You'd probably have to work fast or they'll surely find a placement and may not want to move the baby if too much time passes.

In our case, we would have been #1 to adopt but the parents completed a plan and successfully were reunited.

[mylovebug]

I would look into it and see where it takes you but most of the time the family has no say when it comes to the child being adopted to a non family member. But it can't hurt to look into, and thats what I would do.

[o2b30again]

I disagree with some of the above posters. Unless the parental rights have been terminated then the parents DO HAVE a say. Our children's bio parents (prior to signing termination papers) signed a consent to adopt naming us the parents of there three children. Two weeks later they went to court and signed termination papers. So in my experience yes the birthparents have a say.

Good luck and oh the agency would benefit from the children coming to your home because SS would have to pay your agency their fee because until you can officially adopt the children they would still be considered foster children. Which was also the case for us....both times.

[Biblemom]

With my situation, the parents do still have custody, but were not allowed to determine who the children are adopted by. They are allowed to request that we be the adoptive parents, but DCBS can/will not guarantee anything.

[7brats]

Originally Posted by Biblemom

With my situation, the parents do still have custody, but were not allowed to determine who the children are adopted by. They are allowed to request that we be the adoptive parents, but DCBS can/will not guarantee anything.

My case was different.The county had the custody but it seemed bio mom called all the shots.She refused and services she was made to go to.Did anything she wanted to do.In the end,because she had a problem with my family member(she didn't have a problem with me) told the county" you better not put my children in that house". As she wished,the children were taken and given to a family of her choice.
Then she terminated her rights