[jb41503]

Here is my situation: I had my second home study meeting almost two weeks ago. Earlier this week, my home finder had a meeting with her supervisor to present her report on my homestudy and what her recommendations are for what types of children will make the best fit with me. My homefinder has already dropped comments strongly suggesting that she's certain this is going to happen for me. I'm not in this just to foster parent but to hopefully adopt a foster care child. I have mixed feelings in how to look at Mother's Day here in another week since I've waited for my dream to be a Mom for at least 16 years now and believe I am right on the brink of seeing it happen, but as of this moment, do not actually have a child placed with me. Can I ask how other adoptive moms in this circumstance, whether currently or at any time in the past, dealt with Mother's Day when they were pretty close to a placement but had no guarantee yet? I guess whether adopting through foster care or any other way doesn't really matter. Please let me know. I'm struggling some emotionally with it.

[greenmama]

Are you concerned with being sad on that day? If so, I'd just try to look at it as a day to celebrate your mom or other moms that you know and look forward to next year when it'll be YOUR day to celebrate too!

[jb41503]

No, I'm not sad about it. Still slightly apprehensive until the finalization of the home study but pretty sure everything's going to go through. The home finder believes it will and has told me so. I guess the question is more, how to celebrate? I'm viewing the home study process as being like the pregnancy stage for other women; anything can still happen at any time to terminate a pregnancy and it's the same way with the home study, but like the pregnancy, my home study is looking like a pretty sure thing. I'm already celebrating some in my heart and have bought a mother's bracelet. I'm just wondering whether or not to I guess openly celebrate? The home finder has already brought up the subject of doing a tentative placement.

[Ssumner]

Since you have not been placed with a child yet, hopefully you can focus on celebrating Mother's Day with YOUR mom. I know you may be anxious about getting a placement and all, but try to enjoy the day thinking of all the great things your mom has done for you and celebrating this day with her (I assume you have a strong relationship with your mom???).

[greenmama]

I guess I don't really understand why you'd be wanting to celebrate when you're not a mom yet...enjoy the day with your mom

[jb41503]

Originally Posted by Ssumner

Since you have not been placed with a child yet, hopefully you can focus on celebrating Mother's Day with YOUR mom. I know you may be anxious about getting a placement and all, but try to enjoy the day thinking of all the great things your mom has done for you and celebrating this day with her (I assume you have a strong relationship with your mom???).

Not really. She knew too much about the abuse and did very little about it. One of the restrictions for passing my home study is that this child will have extremely little contact with my family (parents and siblings).

[quiescentfury]

For me, Mother's day is a balance. I have a bio from previous relationship, and bio between DH and myself, a privately adopted son with Dh and two foster daughters we are adopting. Some of the kids want to celebrate more than others my 10 year old tries to go all out. It was just me and him for 4 years, so he isa bit of a momma's boy and treats me like a queen on mother's day. The babies think it is fine to color me a picture, but my daughters from fostercare are a different issue. Mother's day makes them sad. It is a reminder that they had to be removed from their mom. They still love her very much and it is sad for them. They love me tons, but on mother's day I don't really get any celebration from them. They just sit around and are very lethargic. They do sign a card for me, but that is about it. I don't take it personally though. As for Father's day the girls go all out for DH. They have not had a father in their life for about eight years and are so excited to finally have a daddy, so it is a celebration for them. They don't have the same mourning feelings as they do on Mother's day.

Since youare looking to adopt out of foster care I would prepare yourself that your future child may not celebrate Mother's Day. Hope that they do, but prepare yourself mentally if they do not.

[JPDakota]

Well, DH and I are not really superstitious, but we avoided celebrating Mother's Day and Father's Day for ourselves until we actually adopted. It was a long 7 years of our journey and we just felt like we didn't want to jinx anything. Adoptions are tenuous enough as it is. Mother and Dad were the focus our our attention during that time. Then Dad passed away suddenly shortly after we adopted, so DH's first Father's Day was kind of sad for us.
Anyway, I'm not suggesting how you should feel.
That's just how we looked at it.

[Jeremiah_29:11]

IMO, you are an 'expecting mom'!! Look at it that way! There is an adorable shirt on adoptionbug that says:
"No morning sickness- but the paper cuts are killer"
and another that says:
"Expectant Mother, Just waiting for the due date"
and another that says:
"Am I showing? The answer is on my face not my belly"

I consider myself an 'expectant mom'- just without a due date!

Hope that helps!

[irelady10]

I agree with some of the other OP- approach the day as an expectant mom (which you are!!).

I understand that not everyone has a mom to spend the day with. Instead of being with your mom, maybe you can do some special things to get yourself ready for being a mom, like preparing a scrapbook (or lifebook) for when you do get a placement, or getting your home ready for the child/children.

And keep in mind that next year you very well may have a child with you to help you celebrate mom's day!!

Good luck on your journey.