[seabird]

We are taking Pride classes, all going fine. My question is, is it possible to be matched with children that have very mild issues? We have other children and know we can't handle big issues. Is this possible? Are people mostly happy with the children they have adopted? Are the children happy they are adopted? We are willing to wait, that is not issue...we just want the right fit for our family and don't want to bring big issues to the family. Just wondering if this is truly possible. It's hard when you have to consider other children first. It is such a leap I feel and want to be sure about it as much as possible. We are nervous but I have always wanted to adopt, feel we have so much to offer another child. Thanks for any input.

[quiescentfury]

Possible - yes. How likely, that depends. I assume you are looking to do straight adoption from fostercare with no fostering? What ages are you looking at?

We have been very happy. Our daughters came in fostercare with no known issues. That changed. They do have some issues, but are on the mild side. They were 11 and 8 when they came to us. Also everyone thoguht the abuse was minimal and the kids would go home in 30 days, but after a month with us they told us what was really going on in their home and 2 years later we are adopting them.

We had a 9 month old baby that had severe issues that we were told he did not have any issues. He was moved out of our home when our baby was born and we could not handle his issues. Two years later they still can not find a permanent home for him and he is only 3. It is very sad.

We are looking to adopt a 13 year old boy. He has no issues except not doing his homework. He is a great kid. Only reason why he has not been adopted is because of his age and race.

So, it depends. You need to ask a lot of questions when presented a child. I personally do not equate behavios and issues to age, which I know a lot of people that do. To us we have been blessed with some great children, but all of our older children have had mild issues, while the younger ones have more severe issues. I know that is not always the case, so we base each child case by case.

Not every child is happy to be adopted. The children are not always greatful that you are adopting them. Some love their foster families and don't want to leave. They don't want to leave their school, church, and friends. The boy we are adopting loves his foster family and has been with them for four years, but they are straight fostercare and not looking to adopt. He is very sad to be leaving their, but in his case is also happy to have a family that wants him forever. Every kids is different.

Most of the people I know are happy with their adoptions, though I do know some who are not.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by seabird

We are taking Pride classes, all going fine. My question is, is it possible to be matched with children that have very mild issues? We have other children and know we can't handle big issues. Is this possible? Are people mostly happy with the children they have adopted? Are the children happy they are adopted? We are willing to wait, that is not issue...we just want the right fit for our family and don't want to bring big issues to the family. Just wondering if this is truly possible. It's hard when you have to consider other children first. It is such a leap I feel and want to be sure about it as much as possible. We are nervous but I have always wanted to adopt, feel we have so much to offer another child. Thanks for any input.

Of all my foster children, only one had significant issues. If she had been my only child, I could have dealt with it-but I had four other children at the time. She was only 4 and had tons of potential to overcome the issues she was having (mostly related to anger & attachment). She needed to be an only child with a stay at home parent who could work with her full time. All my other kids have had very mild or no problems. There were always issues of grief and loss, homesickness, etc.. but no behavioral problems. All of them were infants through age 5.

[CaddoRose]

So far we have had 5 foster children and none of them had major issues other than being developmentally delayed due to neglect, but they could, with help, catch up. All of these kids would have fit into our family, and we are in
the process of adopting one. The others have moved on to relatives. All of these were under 4 yrs old.

We have been asked to take older kids, but after really looking at their behaviors, we felt they would be a disruption to our family and not a good fit. We were recently offered a 10 yr old girl who was free for adoption, but she had experienced terrible loss in her bio family, and was taking two different psychotropic drugs. She did well in school and really wanted a forever family, but also had rage/anger issues that were being worked on through therapy. We couldn't take her because we felt she needed to either be the youngest child or an only child. We thought she would need more help than we could give her at this time.