[Canuck33]

We had our first visit with a social worker this past week and I thought it went good. Apparently it did not. Social worker said our 3 year old son is quite a handful and it wouldnt be in my sons best interest. When the social worker was at my house my son was acting up. He acts up when "new" people come to our house. He was dancing around the table, interrupting our conversation and asking for this, that and what not. I assumed this was typical 3 year old behaviour...guess it isnt I feel so let down.
Best of luck to everyone in the process

Shannon

[CaddoRose]

And she based this on one visit? Has she never seen a 3 yr old before? I would go up to her supervisor and ask for another home visit and more time for her to see how your family interacts and to see your son at least one more time in the home. I wouldn't give up so easily.

On the other side, it might be typical 3 yr old behavior, but it may be how you handled it or didn't handle the situation that made her decide against it. In my house I would made my child sit down and play with toys and not interrupt again and they wouldn't. But in my house, they know the rules and what happens if they do not follow the rules. If she did not see you discipline him at that time, then she is probably wondering how you would be able to handle kids that come from homes where they have not known any discipline.

[greenmama]

I too wonder if it's how you handled it rather than your son's actual behavior. Our son (6) acted up pretty badly the second and last home visit that we had. He was kind of demanding and wanting attention but we settled him down with an activity and she was impressed that we were able to handle him and take care of his needs while still having our meeting/discussion with our case worker. If you still want to pursue, I'd ask what you could have done to make it better.

[o2b30again]

I agree with the previous posters but also realize that there are those out there that don't know how children act. Plus, who says you can't have more then one handful...you have two hands!!! Trust me I have 8 and they are each a handful and have their moments. If you really wish to pursue fostering then find a private agency or contact them and ask exactly what went wrong. Ask for examples and what you could do to correct it. Maybe if it was parenting you could take a class or two. If it was specifically your child then maybe he needs to be assessed for help. There are options out there. Don't give up! There are children out there that need you and your parenting style. We are all different. That's what makes the go round

[Canuck33]

Originally Posted by CaddoRose

And she based this on one visit? Has she never seen a 3 yr old before? I would go up to her supervisor and ask for another home visit and more time for her to see how your family interacts and to see your son at least one more time in the home. I wouldn't give up so easily.

On the other side, it might be typical 3 yr old behavior, but it may be how you handled it or didn't handle the situation that made her decide against it. In my house I would made my child sit down and play with toys and not interrupt again and they wouldn't. But in my house, they know the rules and what happens if they do not follow the rules. If she did not see you discipline him at that time, then she is probably wondering how you would be able to handle kids that come from homes where they have not known any discipline.

Thanks for your input. This was based on one hour visit. When my son would interupt I would say, " And what do you say?" Then he would say, "Excuse me." This happened several times.
At one point he started to whine and I said, "We cannot understand you, use your words." (which he did)
Then I brought him back down and he watched Wallee.
I guess they thought I was way too lenient with him. But, I do remember one point in the conversation where I said, " Is your little one active when people visit?" and he said, "No way, she's quiet and really watches over her little brother." That should have told me something.
I guess my discipline isnt what they want it to be.

[Canuck33]

Thanks for all your input everyone.

[mommytoEli]

WOW! i'd see if i could get a second opinion. my 3 AND 5 year olds do nothing but interrupt me when people come over....my 3 year old is often under the table making snow angels of sorts///while my 5 year old runs around the house making noises. and someone still saw fit to place a fifth child in this house. lol. i don't know anybody with a 3 year old who would have just sat down and waited patiently for you to be done. at the very least, i would want to know what type of behavior they wanted to see out of him, or you in dealing with him, before they would approve you...so at least you would know what you are working towards.

i'm discouraged for you. but don't give up yet...at least get some answers.

[CaddoRose]

Originally Posted by Canuck33

Thanks for your input. This was based on one hour visit. When my son would interupt I would say, " And what do you say?" Then he would say, "Excuse me." This happened several times.
At one point he started to whine and I said, "We cannot understand you, use your words." (which he did)
Then I brought him back down and he watched Wallee.
I guess they thought I was way too lenient with him. But, I do remember one point in the conversation where I said, " Is your little one active when people visit?" and he said, "No way, she's quiet and really watches over her little brother." That should have told me something.
I guess my discipline isnt what they want it to be.

You did exactly what you should have done and bravo to you!!!! I would definitely call about another visit and ask specific questions about what that worker would have expected you to do. That doesn't sound like a reasonable assessment at all.

[jphollen]

Go higher up. Ask for another home visit with another sw or licensing supervisor. OMG we have 6 kids here speaking all at once, occassionally throwing tantrums (usually the toddlers ) It's crazy here, but we provide a loving stable environment and strive for structure. I think toddlers are supposed to behave like toddlers and it sounds like your son did exactly that and you responded very well!

Plead your case in a factual way. Good luck.

Jen

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by Canuck33

I guess my discipline isnt what they want it to be.

I wouldn't throw in the towel so easily. Your three year old seems at least as polite and well behaved as most from your description.

Also, the avatar and screen name had me wondering, are you a Justin Morneau fan?

[Ssumner]

I agree - give it another chance. You could even consider going to another agency. After only one visit, call for another chance OR ask them why you were denied. Get specific details to understand exactly what you did/did not do for them not to approve you. Best of luck.

[Canuck33]

I spoke with SW and he told me they do not have children with mild behaviour problems....more moderate to severe (and we asked for a child with mild behaviours) We also asked for a child with sn's like cleft lip, palate, Down Syndrome, CP etc but all children with sn's go to homes with experience (which we do not have). He also said our son is quite "needy"...which he is when new people visit. I have a 14 year old (who likes to do his own thing now) and a 3 year old, so my youngest son is used to getting ALL of our attention, but I definitely wouldnt label him "spoiled" or "high spirited". Our son interrupted our conversation several times and I know he did not like that. The times my son did interupt, I dealt with it while my husband continued to listen to what he had to say. At the end of our meeting I thanked him for taking his time to come over to our house and talk to us about CAS. I also have two dogs, two guinea pigs, fish and frogs....so maybe he took that into consideration as well.

What do you mean by another agency? I do not know of any other agency that works with children in foster care other than the Childrens Aid Society.

I am really disappointed, but I do not want to rock the boat.

Thanks for your feedback everyone.

JGarrick, I have no idea who Justin Morneau is...lol...

[Larue]

We are working with a private agency in WA that is licenced to work with the State to place children in their custody. Can you work through a private agency in your State? WA is in desperate need of foster families. I am totally floored that you would be denied a licence because your 3 year old interrupted a conversation. Please don't give up. Good luck!

[Canuck33]

Originally Posted by Larue

We are working with a private agency in WA that is licenced to work with the State to place children in their custody. Can you work through a private agency in your State? WA is in desperate need of foster families. I am totally floored that you would be denied a licence because your 3 year old interrupted a conversation. Please don't give up. Good luck!

Hi Larue
We live in Ontario and Im trying to find out if my province has private agencies...hoping for the best here! Thank you for your support.

[Ssumner]

Yes, I was also told to only go through agencies and not directly through the states (DCSF). They tend to have the "tougher" kids. This is what I have heard. We live in Illinois and I am very happy with the agency that I am working with.