[jb41503]

Hi! I have a question I'm hoping for some opinions on. I'm just now starting the PRIDE classes for foster/adopt; I start tomorrow night. I'm a single adult and started out wanting just one child but the state is encouraging me to be willing to accept more than one at a time and listing off different benefits. The most appealing one to me is that there may be a younger child in a sibling group than if in just a single. I do have some limitations from arthritis (I've had it for 21 years, since I was 14) and doctors have given their OK but not for children younger than two years old. I would prefer a child just as close to the youngest as I can accept but it seems like only a lot older kids seem to be available for single child adoptions. My questions are: is it worth the sibling adoption to get one of the children younger (don't worry, yes I would love both) or is it better, especially for a first placement as a single parent, to start out with just one child of any age regardless?

[fredalina]

My advice is to go through the classes and read all you can and determine what your limits truly are (not just for your health, but parenting ability and sanity as well lol). Your assigned caseworker should be willing to work with you to assess your abilities (and should *not* pressure you to do more than you can handle). Once you're confident of what you can handle, stick with it and don't let them pressure you to do more.

Later, when you have more experience, you may decide your abilities have stretched some.

[CaddoRose]

I know that for my first placement, I did not want to take more than one child. It's all so new, we didn't know what we will be expected to do and how much time it would take, and how well we could integrate a child into our home/family. I'm glad we did that. We got our girl in July and her brother came on late Oct(he was in hospital and then other foster home). It worked out really well and gave us a chance to figure out what we could/could not handle. Now I would take a sib group of two and possibly 3 depending on the ages.

Only you know for sure what you can handle and you should stick with that. Later on, if you are comfortable then you can accept more kids. Sometimes it seems like there are more sibling groups and statistically I don't know if that holds true, but even so, there are single kids. The other thing is that you may foster many, many kids before you end up with one that is available for adoption.

[jphollen]

Sibling groups (small groups) have there advantages. Some one else to play with, someone who knows who they are and where they have been. Those are a few tiny advantages there are plenty more.

Sibling groups have disadvantages too. Sometimes kids who have been in such a chaotic environment that they "crave" chaos. This sounds crazy but it's true in some cases. All of the kids I have had so far will take a peaceful moment and intentionally create chaos. It's what they know and it's what they feel comfortable with as strange as that sounds. It can be a lot for one person to handle especially when you are out numbered. I am married but DH has an extreme commute and it's usually just me here, so I can relate to a certain extent.

If you do decide to make your license for more than one it doesn't mean you have to take more than one. Our license is for four and we wouldn't take four. But it can be useful down the road. You can have one kid transitioning to r/u and another transitioning to you or something like that.

Like I said we are licensed for four. We did that because we are licensed for specialized kids (although the kids we have now are traditional). Specialized kids count as two.

Good luck