[leelee90]

I would like to hear from you on what your husbands and bio-children think of the idea to foster care.
My husband is unsure, what can I tell him?
I think once we got started, he would love it and the kids, of course. Thx.

[Shelly77]

My DH loved the idea from the moment I mentioned foster parenting. Of course, I think it is more an individual response than a gender response.

What makes him unsure? Is it the "fostering" angle or "parenting" in general?

[leelee90]

I think it's mostly the unknown. And problems that will come up, and saying good bye.

[vegaschristina]

I was a licensed foster mom when I started dating DH. For us, it was very much "this is what I'm doing, be ok with it or there's the door" kind of thing. When we brought home our first foster daughter (now DD), he was enchanted. We were married when she was 5 months old.

[mommytoEli]

my dh is actually the one who brought it up, he wanted to make sure i was okay with fostering and adopting before we decided to get married. i of course was OVER the moon. he is such a good dad...in whatever capacity. sometimes other guys ask him how he could love a child that was "not his," and he can honestly respond, "i could not love them any more than i already do even if they were my biological children." and it is so true. i think alot of guys worry about that, but it only takes a few happy smiles or hugs from a toddler in need to make the daddy sense kick in. saying goodbye to a little baby we had for 4 months was hardest on my dh. it is sad just thinking about their good bye. it broke his heart, but i believe he thinks he is a better person for having known that little guy. he'd do foster care again in a second.

[fredalina]

We first talked about it before we were married, and he had a lot of questions but was cautiously open to it.

When we ran into infertility treatments, he was 100% for it. He's been as involved in the process as i have, i would say.

[Shelly77]

Originally Posted by leelee90

I think it's mostly the unknown. And problems that will come up, and saying good bye.

The unknown probably scares most of us. However, we figure that a birthchild is a large unknown too.

Saying goodbye is something I believe all foster parents and potential foster parents have to address. I haven't had any kiddos yet so I defer many comments to those that have, but I believe that every parent handles this differently.

And I don't think foster parenting is for everyone. Some people can't let go and say goodbye. Some can say goodbye knowing that they have made a positive impact while the child was in their home. Some don't realize they aren't mentally ready for the "goodbyes" until it happens. That's a personal choice really but I think it warrants good discussion between the two of you.

Just my personal opinion.....take that for what its worth (not much)

Wish you the best of luck.

[fostapeepz]

My husband was unsure, but willing to hear more. Our first Pride class and we were both put into the unsure/nervous category - but by the second class we were both sure we wanted to do it. Now we're both frustrated and ready for a break (from the system and the roller coaster, not from the kids). So far we're pretty in sync with the whole experience.

[luvmykids4]

I have wanted to adopt for years and have pursued it a couple of times. We have 4 bio kids ages 15 and under. My husband has gone back and forth over the years. At times, he seemed very open to the idea, and at other times, very closed. Some of our kids were unsure, and this gave my dh reason to wait. I have always felt that I was meant to do it, and held on even when it seemed impossible. Through some friends of ours who foster, our family was able to see how 'normal' and comfortable the process can be. This helped everyone, and we proceeded. Believe it or not, my dh felt better doing foster care, than straight adoption. The fact that you are not expending alot of money, and knowing you are not committed to adopt, helped him bridge the gap. He loves kids, but as someone said, the unknown can be scary. We just had to return our 6 month old fd who we had from birth, and my dh said that he'd give all of his money to keep her if we could. Obviously, that is not an option, but I'm making the point that your husband may have initial fears, but once involved they usually do wonderfully. I also think that it's very normal for one partner to have the stronger desire than another. It is important, though, that both are committed to the process, because it is not an easy thing to do. I hope that this helps you.

[hcg]

It's something we both wanted to do, and both were thinking along the same lines at the same time.

The first time we investigated foster care we felt nervous, and it wasn't for us. A couple of years later, when we went through GPS and found it wasn't as scary as we thought... that's when we knew we were ready.

[JNmom]

My husband is excited about foster care and adoption. He has always wanted a son to call his own, to pass the name on to. With foster care he was excited because we get to bring children in to our home and do what we can to help them out while there lives go threw so many undxpected changes. I think the fact that his father was killed by a drunk driver made him more open to the children. His only negitive thoughts (being a state worker him self) is the constant waiting...waiting.... waiting. Every thing that would take a day takes a week when it comes to the state!

[reesegayla]

My husband and i had discussed adopting long before we were married but I thought it would be something we would do later in life after we had bio kids. After a year of infertility and the first couple months of treatments, I really felt a calling to foster. I had been praying a lot about finding my children, and I feel that this is what i am supposed to be doing right now. When I shared this with DH, he said lets do it! he told me I was the one that wanted to wait! He would be happy to do it now. So here we are! We got our first placement on new years eve. They are only expected to be here for a month and I know it is going to be very hard to let them go but I am sure we will work through it together.

[Biblemom]

My dh was unsure about fostering too, but I felt very strongly. Took me a few years to talk him into going to the information classes with me. After the first few meetings he was on board. I would not have continued if he hadn't been. My children were 5 and 4 at the time we started fostering so they were easy to get excited about the idea of helping other children.

[LacyMom]

when dh and I was courting, we discussed adoption. it was important to me and he jumped on board then. last year, I said, we need to do this now and he again said its a great thing, lets do it. took the time off work to take the classes (thats huge for him) been supportive of getting things ready and getting the paperwork all done.

as for our kids, we've been honest w/them from the start, read books talked about it. they love having others around and thing loving and keeping kids safe and helping them while their parents need to work on things is a good idea.

[aryn]

Since day one, my husband knew that this is something I want to do. We started the classes after a long road of infertility. Then when my pregnancy sustained, we decided to put it on hold. Now, 5 years later, and unable to have anymore children, my husband brought it up to me!!! Which meant the world to me. We were driving home one day and he asked me how I would feel if we started the process again. I was so happy. So we're on board together and we're waiting for the MAPP classes to begin (and the wait has seemed to take forever!!!!!) lol.

Alina