[jesenatore]

What is it that the FBI will say that will cause someone to NOT be able to foster/adopt? My husband has had 3 DWIs in 30 years, plus some misdemeanors (brought by a VERY racially prejudiced former neighbor) that were dismissed. Would this cause us to not be able to foster or adopt?

[Singlemom619]

I think the DWIs would cause concern depending on how long ago they were.

The M's were dismissed.

If he is denied the agency can have him write a response asking for permission for them to be waived and then a state/county board can consider it.

[jesenatore]

One DWI was 30 yrs ago, one 11 yrs ago and one <sigh> last week. If he does the AA thing and continues sober do you think they would OK it? We fostered on the 2 DWIs 5 yrs ago but closed our home due to neighbor.

[Singlemom619]

Honestly... If he just had a DWI last week I don't think you should be taking on any children - and I have a feeling Social Services would feel the same way. Your husband needs to focus on either his sobriety if he has a drinking problem OR his choices if he drinks occasionally but makes poor choices when he does (like driving.)

Three DWI's is a lot - really 1 is too many, but if someone gets 1 they should "learn their lesson".... I don't think you'd get approved with one THAT recent.

[carlychan]

My DH had 1 DUI 10 years ago...before graduating college, starting family, etc. He has been sober since then. We had to get an exception for that...more letters, references, etc. It wasn't a problem, but last week is very soon. I would not think they would approve your home (nor should they) with something so recent. Sorry!

[Boulderbabe]

My agency would probably disqualify you based on your husband's recent DWI. It's a safety hazard for the kids that they wouldn't be willing to risk.

[myangels]

Originally Posted by jesenatore

One DWI was 30 yrs ago, one 11 yrs ago and one <sigh> last week. If he does the AA thing and continues sober do you think they would OK it? We fostered on the 2 DWIs 5 yrs ago but closed our home due to neighbor.

No I don't think you will be ok nore do I think you should be approved. There is never a excuse to drink and drive. Parents get their children taken away for drinking and driving I would hope they would not put a child in another home that does the same.

[RavenSong]

I hope and pray that this latest DWI is a "wakeup call" for your husband. There is help available, if he wants it. Look in your local telephone directory for "Alcoholics Anonymous" -- it works, it really does. It's a lot of hard work, but he only has to take it one day at a time. The good folks at AA have been right where your husband is now. And they're willing and able to help him. Please ask him to make the call.

On the bright side, if your husband does indeed decide to become sober and maintains his sobriety for at least a few years, chances are good that your home will be approved by Social Services. But only if he maintains his sobriety on a continuous basis.

Sobriety can be a scary thing for active alcoholics. Often times it's a fear of the unknown. A lot of people don't know how to live without the booze. And that's where AA comes in. The fear will go away as your husband meets other people who once were in his shoes. Sobriety will be a whole new way of life for the both of you. It's a miracle and a joy...

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of his life. I pray your husband has the courage to pick up the phone, go to a meeting, and find a sponsor -- someone he looks up to. Good luck to both of you.

Oh, I almost forgot to say that you should probably check out an Al-Anon meeting. It's the counterpart for the spouses, family members, and friends of alcoholics (both recovering or actively using).

If you'd like any more information, please don't hesitate to send me a Private Message (PM).