[potentialsinglemom]

Since I got past my first placement call, I was wondering how many placements you turned down (if any) when you first started? Why and How did you feel after you said NO?

[missymissus]

We accepted the first call we got. When we increased our license to 2, we turned down a call for an infant with more medical problems than we felt comfortable handling, and we turned down a call for 3 siblings because we didn't have enough room, couldn't handle some of the special needs, and they were all above our age limit (we only do 0-3 so we only have cribs and toddler beds).

We accepted the next call after those two. We got another call after that that we turned down because we didn't have any open beds.

[shaylynn]

I have accepted probably about 8 of the calls, said no to about 4 because they were over my age range that I wanted, didn't take one set of siblings because they said they were extremely violent with any other kids-didn't matter what age, and about three times because I was full already. Sometimes, I feel sad and think, "Well, if I switch this bedroom around and put this kid here and this one here, then...." but then I always come to the reality that I can only get 6 kids into the car at once so that helps me keep my limits in place. I have looked at 9+ passenger vehicles but haen't come to buy one yet. Other times, I don't feel too bad about saying no because I am busy enough.

[deadcalm]

I turned down a 1 little boy because I only accept girls.

[CaddoRose]

Even before we got our license we were asked to take an 11 yr old girl whom we had done respite for earlier, and even though we liked her, she had 5 siblings and she was the same age as our DD. I turned down the first call that came after we got the license because it was for a 1 yr old boy who had shaken baby syndrome and I didn't feel qualified to take care of his medical needs. I felt bad about the girl because we did know her and we really liked her, but we felt that having a child the same age as DD was asking for trouble if she were here long term.

[onhazier]

We turned down a set of twins because they were above our age limit and we only have space for one child. I wished we could have helped but it would not have been right for us.

That was the only call so far.

[mommytoEli]

we accepted our first 2 placements they offered us...and we went on to adopt them. our third placement was comical. we turned down SEVEN placements in about a 2 week period...all babies.....my dh didn't think we were ready, so when they called about the 8th baby....and he wasn't with me, i said yes. lol! a few hours later we were picking up an hours old baby....and we went on to adopt him too. i felt a little guilty saying no so many times....but when you are not ready, you are not ready....at least until your wife decides you are when you are not around. lol. looking back, i believe that the 8th call, was my baby. we are now adopting his sibling.

there are many reasons people say no to a placement. accept the children that are in your range that you feel comfortable caring for. hopefully there is another family that will be perfect for that child you choose to not take in. we are not all equipped to handle the same things. there are many things i am not ready to handle that would make me say no to a placement, that i KNOW other families are ready for and would take those children in a minute.

[meshsgrl]

I have had 11 kids in my home and I turned down somewhere between 20-30 kids!! I mean seriously for about a month I was called every other day for any age kids, with any issues!! I learned my lesson by taking the second call I got and got a kid that was out of my league.. so I was pretty picky after that!! They never got the hint tho!!

[millie58]

When I lived with mom, I didn't turn down any calls. When I had my own house, I turned down a 3 sibling group because the oldest was 12 and my son was 13. Plus there would have been car issues. I also did respite for a kid that I had to turn down later on. He was too much and I didn't have enough notice to take off.

[Pursuingmydream]

I turned down the first three calls I got. I then took race car driver... The week following him being moved I got a call every night for:

1 and 2 year CC boy and girl
3 month old and a four year old (they had a two year old sister that was killed in the home), then a five month old and 4 year old girls but they later found that there was a third child that was not picked up because she was not home when the swat team raided the house. I only have room for two.

and the last one was on a Sunday evening it was a 5 month old and a two year, both girls. I really wanted to say yes but they wanted to bring them right then and there and I panicked and said no. That was my last call the week before Thanksgiving.
Here I am not hoping that they call me soon.

[kimb1005]

First call, a newborn and 18 month old sisiter, I said yes too but then they ended up not coming...Second call was for 2 boys--15 months and 6 years said no because hubby was away and it was the last week of school (I'm a teacher and couldn't take off then), 3rd call I said no because I couldn't take a newborn at that time, 4th call the newborn had medical issues I didn't feel comfortable with....So I am still waiting for that placement but I'm sure it will come (soon, i hope)

[lilmamaof2]

Well we got our first call last week for a sibling group of 3. I didn't get the call till after hours of our agency, and here we are a week later and got a call for another group of 3. We said yes to this group because we did respite for them in October, other wise we would of said no this close to the holidays. And with all the stuff that comes with it and 2 kids already here, it will be fun. So it will happen sooner than you think. I know if feels like forever but it will happen...

[aedems]

I have only turned down one placement and after my SW called me, she even said she should have known better. It was for a medical fragile infant whose mother was in the process of reuniting with and would have required visits one hour from my home and the mom could only do weekend visits. I could have done the medical fragile and probably even the drive, but every weekend visits would have been hard as I have three school-aged children involved in sports.

[birdiebabee]

I said no to a 15 year old girl and her almost 1 year old son. I felt very guilty as this would've been our first placement. We are only licensed for 2 and the 15yr old was up for adoption and her child was not. SO most likely if we did not adopt her we would have them until she aged out. My husband and I want to fost/adopt but want children under 10. I am 26 I don't feel I can parent a 15 year old WITH a one year old child.

[realfoodmom]

We've turned down about five or six. A couple were for infants and with two children in car seats, I couldn't fit another in my car. One was for a child who couldn't walk, talk or eat...not sure why they even called me about that. I made it clear I couldn't take in children with severe mental and physical handicaps. Another for a child who ran away, defecated in closets and was violent. Another for a teenage girl with an infant. I don't think I could handle a teenage girl with a child. I'm not even sure how that situation could be worked out.
We recently got a call about a 16 year old girl and although we originally said children from 4-8, I think we are going to say yes.
We prayed and feel this is the right time to say yes.
I'm still not sure why they continually call us with children that are obviously out of our league or we do not have room for. I told them I would let them know when our car situation changed and we can take younger kids...
I feel horrible every time I say no to the young children and babies. I'm up all that night worrying and trying to figure out in my mind a way to make it work. It drives me crazy.
I don't feel at all bad saying no to the children that are violent or have disabilities that would require an inordinate amount of my attention. I have two small children at home and I need to think about their needs.
I want this to be a positive experience for them, too.