[potentialsinglemom]

when they found out that you really intend to foster/adopt.

So far, for me, everyone has been supportive, VERBALLY. But, I find that most have some story of the foster or adopted child who "flipped out" on the fp or ap.

I have one friend who keeps saying, Are you REALLY going through with this? This is the one friend who should know better, because whenever I say I am going to do something...it shall be done.

[TxMom65]

Someone I work with was telling people behind my back that adopting from foster care wasn't a good idea because we had no idea what the child would do as a teen. I was prepared for her to tell me that because I was going to remind her that both of her biological children had been on drugs as teens and one still was as an adult with two children. She broadcasts this fact herself, so I don't know why she should care what I do.

[chevyjewel]

When we had our foster twins for about 5 months, and it was looking like we might have the opportunity to adopt them DH's grandpa, learning of our intentions, said something along the lines of:

"You're not really going to adopt those two --insert extremely racist word here---'s are you???"

Obviously, we were both disgusted, and floored to learn we actually had family that felt that way towards anyone of a different race. The girls were AA. The entire time he, and all of our family were supportive of us fostering but when he found out we wanted to and might have the chance to make them a permenant part of our family his attitude swiftly changed.

Not excusing what he said, but I don't think it was meant it the way that it sounded, personally I just think it was a very old man using a word that he didn't understand was as abhorrant as it really is. Didn't mean it stung any less though, especially knowing if we did adopt them that there was that sort of bigotry still existing in our children's extended family.

[hubbyswife]

Well my friend made the comment... "so u got them 2 for 1?" She was referring to my newly adopted daughter (we've had had her for about 2 yrs at the time) but we also have her younger sibling who we will hopefully adopt soon.... he's been w us for over a year now....

But when we were getting licensed and telling dh's family about how we plan to adopt thru FC... well we were asked over and over about why we weren't doing surrogacy bc blood is more special.... then also the comments about u dont know what u are getting lecture...

[wtacey01]

I had an ex-coworker (who was completely supportive of us, a LCSW) tell me that her husband and she had to "give back a foster kid once" when he tried to light their house on fire.

We are planning on straight adoption from foster care.

SKM

[jbee]

'why would you want to do that?' from my mom, after ds looked like he would become available.
she has since straightened out, i think she was more shocked than anything and worried i may never have more bios.

[deadcalm]

A co-worker told me that you can never love an adopted child like your bio child. I could not even respond to such an ignorant statement, so I walked away.

[makarios79]

I think most of the bad comments I got stemmed from being a single parent...
One common question was how can you foster if you are single? What are you going go do with them while you're at work?
Ummm duh..the same thing you do with your kids when you go to work...daycare....
I have had a lot of people who told me I shouldn't be doing foster care if I could stay home full time with the kids....The ironic thing was they were all working parents themselves....Why the double standard..because they are foster kids...I guess...
I had one lady tell me at my aunt's repass after her funeral that I would never adopt foster kids....They have too many issues...Too much "bad blood" - Nobody is going to kill me in my sleep....she said even the babies are bad.....I'm so glad I let my kids go to daycare that day instead of taking them to the funeral....If she had said that crap in front of my kids (especially Boogy who remembers everything he hears....I would had to knocck some sense into her...lol)
SO STUPID!?!?!?

[potentialsinglemom]

I need to add this one. My sister who is a two time foster to adopt mother herself made this statement. "Ummmmmm....did you discuss this with mother." When I asked "why" she responded, "Because mother was hoping you'd have a little girl." I am 40 years old, single, no man in my life at this time. Even if I had the child myself, I still have a 50/50 chance of conceiving a daughter.

[stevenstwin]

One we got a LOT upon announcing we were taking a 14 year old was "Aren't you afraid he's going to molest your daughters?" Took me a while to figure out why that made me SO angry, 'cause I know it *can* happen, sometimes even with kids you wouldn't expect it from, and I realized it was because of the implication of me as a "bad parent" - that I'd consider taking any kind of high risk child (he wasn't) or that I'd take foolish chances adn expose the girls to harm. Plus of course, the general idea that ALL foster kids or ALL teenage boys are predators. As for the people that STILL thought, 2 years later, that he might suddenly become a molestor, I've decided they are just idiots.

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by chevyjewel

When we had our foster twins for about 5 months, and it was looking like we might have the opportunity to adopt them DH's grandpa, learning of our intentions, said something along the lines of:

"You're not really going to adopt those two --insert extremely racist word here---'s are you???"

Obviously, we were both disgusted, and floored to learn we actually had family that felt that way towards anyone of a different race. The girls were AA. The entire time he, and all of our family were supportive of us fostering but when he found out we wanted to and might have the chance to make them a permenant part of our family his attitude swiftly changed.

Not excusing what he said, but I don't think it was meant it the way that it sounded, personally I just think it was a very old man using a word that he didn't understand was as abhorrant as it really is. Didn't mean it stung any less though, especially knowing if we did adopt them that there was that sort of bigotry still existing in our children's extended family.

We've had a similar scenario. We had a AA newborn that we were asked if we were interested in adopting. After talking to family I was sooooo upset to see this same attitude amongst some of my close family members. They wound up finding a birth family member who happened to be a foster parent, so they got the baby. I felt it was best considering our families attitude. Ever since then I've been daydreaming that the world could just see people as people....

[krajewskim]

I have also had family freak out when we took a 16 yr old and her 3 month old baby. People couldn't believe that we actually loved the 16 y.o. and didn't just want to "steal" her baby!

Also, I was in the checkout line at Walmart once with my children who were obviously in foster care - 4 different races and a white Daddy loading the buggy- when an AA mom came up to me and said, "Black babies belong in black families!" Not wanting to start THAT fight in Walmart I answered -
"I agree," I said, "How long have you been fostering?"
"Oh, I could never do that!" She said.
"And that's why he's in MY home," I replied.
She stormed away.

Okay, so maybe it was a little mean, but I have had that happen 2 other times and was SO SICK of it. Kids are kids. It doesn't matter what color their skin is so get a life.

[potentialsinglemom]

Originally Posted by krajewskim

Also, I was in the checkout line at Walmart once with my children who were obviously in foster care - 4 different races and a white Daddy loading the buggy- when an AA mom came up to me and said, "Black babies belong in black families!" Not wanting to start THAT fight in Walmart I answered -
"I agree," I said, "How long have you been fostering?"
"Oh, I could never do that!" She said.
"And that's why he's in MY home," I replied.
She stormed away.

Good for you!!!!!!!!!! My sister adopted her two sons, one is hispanic and the other she aa/cc. People have made stupid comments on her hispanic son. People can be such jerks. My sister's son was having surgery and the hospital registration staff called her and said, "you did not complete the forms on his father. Don't you know who his father is?" You guessed it, she went off.

[jphollen]

I got the father comment too! It was at the dentist. Often we get kids with no paternal information. You'd think the medical "profession" would be more professional!

[sarahdaisy]

HaHa! That is hilarious! What a great response!