[wannabeamomma]

Hello,

I am fairly new to this forum but have been quite the lurker. I am currently doing foster adopt and just have a few steps to complete our homestudy. We have already received our foster license but we are just waiting on the the 3 required adoption classes to start and one final home visit by our adoption worker.
Anyway, my dh and I are still on the fence about concurrent planning. On one hand we would have a better chance to get the child we are open to:1-2 kids, ages 0-3. We are just scared about getting too attached and having to reunify. Don't get me wrong I know that is the ultimate goal and we understand that. The issue is that we have no bio children and really want a family of our own. I don'y know how we would handle losing someone we have wanted for so long.
Can anyone give me some experiences with concurrent planning so we can make a more informed decision. TIA

[2Tim1seven]

I think we've had ten placements. Of those 10, 8 returned home. The 1 we could have adopted had behaviors we couldn't handle, requested he be moved after a year with us. Our current placement, who we adore, will be going to live with an Aunt she's never met. Our age range is 0-5. We have 3 bio children and would love to add to our family through adoption. It just hasn't worked out for us. On the other hand I ran into a foster mom who has adopted 3 out of 5 of their placements! So it does happen. Is it hard when they leave? Heck yea. It hurts like heck. In fact, I shed a few tears today, when I found out our lil one is leaving us. It doesn't seem fair at times, but I guess God has other plans for us. I think it's kinda like childbirth. It's intense pain like no other, but after the child comes, you forget about it. And the joy that child brings into your life, makes you want to do it again and again.

[MassachusettsMom]

Last fall we took a baby as a pre-adoptive foster placement. His goal was adoption and he was supposed to be a "sure thing" for TPR. Almost nine months later, we lost him to RU. He was our first placement and we have no other children. It was--and is--devastating. It has been more than two months and there are still some days that it is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. He will always be our son and we will make sure we always have room in our home and hearts if he is removed from his birthparents again.

That said, with therapy, we are learning to move on with our family planning. And we're going through DSS and looking at taking another legal-risk placement.

So, if you go ahead with foster-adopt, be prepared for a rollercoaster. Have a good support system and be willing to reach out to people. Make sure to take time to make sure your marriage is strong and supported. And then just go for it!

PM me if you want to talk in more detail.

[Scrapsathome]

I've learned not to listen to the person who places them in your home and says, "Be prepared. This very well may become an adoption situation." That just means they are shocked again by the circumstances the kids were found in and at the moment can't imagine the kids going home.

We've had to learn to distance ourselves a tiny bit. Now we try to treat every child as if they were our niece or nephew. We love them like our own kids, but we keep in mind that they are not ours and could leave at any time. We still grieve when certain kids leave because you can't help falling completely in love with some of them and wishing they could stay forever. You just have to be willing to benefit a child even at your own expense.

I'd recommend you let your worker know that you only want extremely low risk placements if you aren't sure you can handle much heart break.

Jess

[carlychan]

I just noticed you were in So. Cal., also. We have a concurrent placement. It was a "sure thing." It does seem to be headed towards TPR, but we are on pins and needles all the time. It is for sure a roller coaster ride! Be prepared to hurt emotionally a lot. It would break my heart if my foster son left, but I have 2 other boys to hug if he leaves. If I had no children I don't think I could handle this. Email me if you want more info or discuss it more with me. If we ever want to adopt again we will not be doing concurrent...
carlychandler2 @ yahoo.com