[SarahLaughed]

I am not afraid they won't like me, or my family, we all have had previous background checks and are clear, not a thing to worry about. We are all healthy, and I have done tons of work with kids over the years - child-care programs, teen moms, special ed in the school, volunteer in maternity & hospital nursery, respite care for PPD moms, etc. Kids love me, and my friends call me the "Baby Whisperer" LOL

Just what if something comes up - like I have a century home, with huge low windows upstairs (just 18" off the floor) - I said I would put bars on if necessary, and the FP lady said she thought the fact that I am willing to do so will help their decision.

Then the custody dispute with my grandson - it got ugly, and even though Children Services took my grandson away from his mom, and gave my son custody in the end, knowing that he was a good daddy - his ex-DW was a compulsive liar, I hope nothing she said or did will affect my chances.

Then the two older boys (grown up now & living with their partners) got into some trouble as teens, nothing serious and no jail time - but will that affect my chances?

Or the fact that I didn't have a great childhood myself, will that mean I can't be a foster parent?

My husband's first wife was married to an alcoholic, and there was a bit of custody dispute between her & her ex-dh while my husband was with her. The FP lady said they will look into that family as well.

All this info is asked on the paperwork, and I am afraid that something I write will have them say no. I have to be honest, I have to tell the truth - but it does give me pause...

[CaddoRose]

They aren't looking for the perfect people to be foster parents. They are looking for those committed to fostering, learning how to foster and those who have the ability to use adversity as a learning experience. Be truthful about all the things you have mentioned. Be truthful about what you learned from those experiences. They have probably help make you a better parent. you know more now than when you were younger and hopefully, you are so much wiser.

I don't think they will be looking at those situations and saying that you are responsible for them. You are not responsible for the things an ex-DIL might have done, or will say. Considering the circumstances, they will take her comments based on the information you provide about her. If there's bad blood, then they will know ahead of time what to expect. It takes a lot for CPS to take a child away form a parent, so the fact that they took your GS and gave him to his Dad says a lot.


The home study is done to help you work through all of this stuff and to allow you to ask yourself if this is what you want to do. It helps them place children with you who fit the type of child you can handle. Can you imagine if a person didn't disclose abuse and an abused child was placed with them? How would the foster parent take care of that child, if their own abuse had not been addressed? If you learned anything from your childhood, it might be how not to parent. You can show you have progressed and that's important, not how bad your parents may have been.


Don't worry about how old your house is. Mine was built in 1904. You will want to put a fire escape ladder upstairs though and it might be necessary to put some kind of barrier at the bottom of the windows. They want to license you. You are needed. So plug ahead, answer those questions and be positive about your experience because it sounds like you have the tools needed to be a great foster parent!

[SarahLaughed]

Thanks so-o much!! You have made me feel so much better. I was feeling discouraged, looking at the questions, thinking they wouldn't want me.

As you say, I have learned and grown so much because of my experiences, and a much better parent as a result. Fostering is something I definitely want to do!

[dakotabluebaby]

Sarah Laughed,
I LOVE your screen name,
Anyway, I was a victim of neglect...They seemed to think this put me in a better position to understand and help these children. As long as you are upfront and clear about who and what you are It will work out.
God has a plan...just wish he'd sometimes let me in on it

[SarahLaughed]

Thanks for sharing that - and it makes sense.

BTW, my screen name was because I found myself pregnant at 49 - and it reminded me of Abraham & Sarah. Unfortunately we lost the baby.

Originally Posted by dakotabluebaby

Sarah Laughed,
I LOVE your screen name,
Anyway, I was a victim of neglect...They seemed to think this put me in a better position to understand and help these children. As long as you are upfront and clear about who and what you are It will work out.
God has a plan...just wish he'd sometimes let me in on it

[zebramom]

Catherine I am sorry for your loss.

I have had some of the same situations that you have had and we have been approved to adopt. If they only approved "perfect" people there wouldn't be any foster or adoptive parents.

As long as you disclose everything and accept responsibility for what you could have changed you'll be fine. You can also focus on what you have learned from each of the situations and how it can help you parent the kids. Abuse survivors understand what foster children go through far more so than "normal" people.

If all else fails, don't forget to pray.

[irelady10]

Sarahlaughed...I had the same concerns as you when i started this process last year at this time. I have some icky-ness in my past which I spent many years working through. I was completely honest on the many questionairres we fill out. It was a bit uncomfortable to disclose all I needed to disclose, but so worth it! As I'm typing this meesage, my precious little FS is napping next to me.

Best of luck to you.

[SarahLaughed]

Thank you Irelady - and everyone - for all your help and support.

I've filled out the paperwork, being honest about everything and submitted it on Friday.

Now what happens next??

[maya2008]

I'm glad that you got so much great feedback here. My husband is actually in the middle of custody hell with his youngest daughter and we "passed". As was posted, having had a not so perfect childhood/divorce/etc seems to put us in a better position if we can articulate how we worked out our own losses etc. Our caseworker was terrific in assuring us that our having come through our traumas (past and present) in tact indicates our resourcefulness, nonjudgemental attitude, and strength. Be ready to explain how you made it through (therapy, friends, etc).
As to what is next, here in Illinois, after the paperwork came the classes, and home visits. If you are not in PRIDE or your local state classes, see when you can get started (it was 27 hours here in Illinois). We had lots of homework in class that was shared with our caseworker to allow her to understand our history/motivations/skills. She was kind, supportive, and encouraging. I hope that your caseworker is as well.
All the best!

Foster licensed 7-29-08
Still waiting for the call.....

[Scrapsathome]

I suspect that if having relatives who'd make Jerry Springer salivate over the potential ratings was a disqualifier, a lot of us would never get to be foster parents. Maybe thats part of what leads us to this calling on our lives?

Jess

[SarahLaughed]

Thanks everyone - your thoughts on this have been very helpful! It's been 3 weeks since I handed in the paperwork, and I've called twice (left message on voice mail) but nothing from them.

I hope that it means they are working on the paperwork, because it seems so long without any response.

I wouldn't know where to go to sign up for PRIDE classes, if she would respond to my calls, I would ask.