[Tazer]

Hello Everyone...My name is Tracy and I just received a call that indicates I may need advice from you guys in the near future. Here's the thing:

I am actually a B-mom as well as a wife and mother but I read all over the forum here just for the insight. I just got a call from my brother who was coming here for lunch and had to cancel. He lives in Garland,Texas is 34 years old, married for 3 years, owns his own construction company, no bio-kids but 4 step kids that his wife had in a prior marriage, none living in their home. The wife's oldest daughter, *P* is 19 and has a 15 month old son, Brandon.

It seems *P left the baby with a friend (L) on last Friday night to go out and party. She did not pick up the baby as planned later that night and *L (also 19) dropped the baby off at HER Moms house when she couldn't locate *P and needed to report to work. Her Mom undressed the baby and discovered a large burn on his stomach resembling an iron. She took him to Children's Hospital, he was admitted. There are actually 2 distinctive burn marks and does not appear self-induced. The wound appeared to be several days old and is infected. Both the Dallas police and CPS were notified as were my brother and S-I-L. *L's Mom was asked to notify *L via phone and ask her to come to the hospital; *L was then arrested on the spot. She has posted bail and been released but an investigation continues. My S-I-L told CPS she has spoken to *P on the phone and she admits she knew about the burn when she left the baby with *L but "she isn't sure how or when it happened." Her mom told her she would have to sign a statement to this affect to stop *L from facing charges but at the advice of CPS and the detective did not tell her she would be arrested when she appears. She did not keep the appt. to do this last Monday and no one else knows where she is.

The baby is being released to CPS at noon today. He is NOT going to foster care but my brother and sister in law spoke with a CPS worker who indicated she will be willing to work with them to help them gain custody of Brandon TODAY! It does not appear to be a routine home study, back ground check deal; more like a here, he's your grand son you take him thing. My brother is in fact stopping by to pick up a used bedroom set in our Moms garage later today. Mom is out buying linens, blankets and a Sponge Bob comforter set, now.

OK...my problem. I know from my brother that *P has spent at least 2 nights there since this happened. My S-I-L drinks heavily as does my brother. I am sure she warned her daughter of her pending arrest. My brother is not doing well with the recent housing slump and might see this as an extra income. I love both of them but as a new mom I would never ask either of them to babysit my child due to the alcohol. My brother has a very short fuse especially when drinking. There are no drug or legal issues but the mere fact that my S-I-L's kids are ages 19,(f) 17,(m) 16 (m) and 11(f) and all live elsewhere with various relatives should be a red flag IMO. These are not good people IMO, but nobody has asked me. What the heck should I do? I just learned they will be getting this baby 20 minutes ago and I am speechless. Is there someone I could call? Can I do this without them finding out it was me who called? It's like even my Mom has gotten involved and not stopped to think this through. I am blown away. Tracy

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by Tazer

Is there someone I could call? Can I do this without them finding out it was me who called? It's like even my Mom has gotten involved and not stopped to think this through. I am blown away. Tracy

Wow. This poor baby. One of my foster daughters was a burn victim. And I've had a second degree burn-the pain is unbearable. My heart aches for this little boy. I'm glad L's mother took him to the hospital for treatment.

I would definately call CPS and talk to them. Just tell them you are a relative and you have information about a recent case. Tell them what you know. They will not tell your brother & his wife who reported them. Now, unless these grandparents have DUI's and history of cops being called to the house due to intoxication, it may be hard to prove they drink too much. If CPS arrives at the house and everything is in order, no one is drinking, and the baby's mother is not around, then they will probably do nothing at all and leave the baby with his grandparents.

CPS only discloses who called to report abuse IF you make a truly false report just to get someone in trouble.

[CaddoRose]

Regardless of what they told you, no one can gain complete custody of a child without TPR of the parents. They can however have temporary custody which can happen today. If you really do have concerns about the welfare of the child then you should call CPS and discuss those concerns with them. The CW needs to know that the parents are allowing the mother to be in the house. They also need to know the history of the SIL and the possible dangers from the grandparents from alcohol abuse.

[Tazer]

CaddoRose]Regardless of what they told you, no one can gain complete custody of a child without TPR of the parents. They can however have temporary custody which can happen today. If you really do have concerns about the welfare of the child then you should call CPS and discuss those concerns with them. The CW needs to know that the parents are allowing the mother to be in the house. They also need to know the history of the SIL and the possible dangers from the grandparents from alcohol abuse.

I actually have more information after contacting my Mom; you are absolutely right; they are getting temporary custody for now and since his temp. was 101.2 at 2pm he wasn't released today. My Mom who has a heart the size of Texas is so ready to help this poor baby that she has lost sight of the fact that they are lushes and argue daily, usually after drinking. She shopped 'til she dropped for him today.

I don't know very much about my S-I-L except that she is 4-5 years older than my brother and this is her 4th marriage. I question her parenting skills since most of her kids live out of state with her sibs. I am not a meddeling in-law (well not usually) but this really cuts it for me. 99% of the fights they have involve her being manipulated by her daughter so no matter what they tell CPS I do not think Brandon will be safe or even safe from her there. I am prepared to lend my voice and will probably make a report tomorrow. Thanks, Tracy

[snc2007]

Good luck with everything Tracy. I know it's a tough spot you are in but Brandon needs your protection. You are doing the right thing.

[aedems]

Tracy,

Have you talked to your brother at all about the situation? Are they taking the baby because they feel they have to? Are you interested in taking the baby? (I guess you would be the step-aunt?). As crazy as it is, in the CPS system, you probably still would be considered family.

I would first call your brother and SIL and just feel them out. If you have a feeling they are going to dive deep into this and you feel the baby is in jeopardy, I would call CPS. Just tell them the facts and nothing else. Unfortunately, as someone else said, unless there is anything to prove they are unfit (like an arrest), they generally will get temp custody. That is why it drives me crazy that family does not have to go through at least a basic quick homestudy, fingerprints, etc.

[mom2zachy]

Hey Tracy:

I'm new, too, well....newly posting, I should say

I pretty much agree with the advice you've been given. It's a tough system, but you might be able to break through and make a difference. Good, good luck to you!

[mom2behappy]

your mistaken CUSTODY does not require a TPR in fact when custody is given the parents rights remain in tact. the only thing that requires a TPR is adoption. temporary custody is usually given the first 30-90 days then a order of full custody if the parents dont contest

[lovemy6]

Originally Posted by CaddoRose

Regardless of what they told you, no one can gain complete custody of a child without TPR of the parents. They can however have temporary custody which can happen today. If you really do have concerns about the welfare of the child then you should call CPS and discuss those concerns with them. The CW needs to know that the parents are allowing the mother to be in the house. They also need to know the history of the SIL and the possible dangers from the grandparents from alcohol abuse.

I have FULL LEGAL custody of my (former foster)dd. DCFS is NOT involved at all any more. We went to court and after fighting DCFS, the judge awarded us full legal custody. TPR has not happened, that is why we couldn't adopt. We will when my dd turns 18 next year.

[aedems]

Correct me if I'm wrong, and even though it is totally off the subject of what she needs to do about this situation, but if you have full legal custody can't that be overturned/changed in a single court case. I have a friend who is raising her g-daughter. She has full custody of her g-dauther, but her daughter has tried a few times during her "clean" periods to get visitation and was trying to then regain custody.

[Tazer]

Thanks to everyone of you who's taken the time to post and advise; I appreciate each idea, thought and prayer. It's raining here in Tx; started 10 minutes after I
did this>><< with everyone's bed comforters and I've got a case of the hum-drum-blah's.

First of all I'm posting between moments of >> << and << from my newborn. Also my twin daughters EACH acquired new Ford Focus cars yesterday from my Dad and d/h's Dad as High School Seniors 09' gifts and every 8 seconds they make up an excuse to do this >> << with full tanks of gas, wet roads and very little experience! I am not having a good day and without my computer I'd leave and join the Marine's!

My brother Jason and sister-in-law Lisa picked Brandon up from the hospital at 9 a.m. My Mom is camping out there and has turned his new room in to the Sponge Bob Palace. This toddler didn't even have decent shoes before Lisa and Mom went to Target and got a pair today, and he had this horrible diaper rash that required antibiotics at the hospital. He is 15 months old with a chipped front tooth and he only has about 8-10 total. He is sooo cute and so lovable! My Mom is so wonderful and kind that she is unable to see that Jason and Lisa are not a good fit for this situation at all. IMO if Lisa were a good Granny why didn't she know before someone else took him to the hospital that things were so bad? I spoke to my parents last night about my concerns and Mom is totally against me saying anything to prevent him from being placed there. In her eyes she only sees a child being lost in the system forever if they don't take him in. She says they assured her they wouldn't drink as long as he's there; (as if ). She also has a multitude of empty promises that Lisa made regarding making sure her daughter stays away. My family can only see the NEED at this point and not the likely outcome. Their combined efforts might work temporarily but I don't see this as being an ideal solution for the long term. My d/h says "Babe, one day at a time; It's not your fight." I know Brandon is safe for now and I feel better now that the initial shock has worn off. My parents are retired and live 15 miles away from Jason and can be quite intrusive and over bearing at times. Hopefully they and the CPS worker will see what I see as time passes.

I am not in a position to take care of Brandon emotionally or physically at this time. I am parenting a newborn and I have only 3 months of FMLA time off before I open my home office and work 10+ hours a day here. I also have twins who are entering their Sr. year and I'm not at all close to Lisa and I do not want to deal with her ( them ) on this level. Also, I can not alienate my entire family with just my gut feeling to go on. I am praying that all goes well.

Thanks for your input and I will keep you updated. Tracy

[Tazer]

As soon as I finished my last post my brother called; he says Brandon is adjusting well, (wow, it's been 3 or 4 whole hours now imagine that!) and he let me know in a round about way that Mom shared my concerns with him. He kinda but didn't really verbalize that if I called CPS on them I'd regret it so he knows I'm not happy with Brandon being there. He thinks its b/c our parents are so involved that I'm jealous since it's taking the focus off my newborn but thats insane. He also said "Maybe it is God's way of keeping me from filing bankruptcy or having to get another job" and there-in lies my question. I know my brother has a good heart, it is just usually swimming in Apple Martini's, but neither of them seemed anxious to parent before today; my question: will they in this situation be compensated for Brandons care? Besides spending lots of money yesterday and today my Mom mentioned they were giving Jason a loan (more like an advance) of $5000.00 and I am wondering how motivated they (JASON and LISA) are by $$$.

I hope this isn't their sole reasons for taking him but I fear it might be. I just can't believe CPS just sent him there without an investigation. Tracy

[Yash]

Tazer,

I know you don't want to alienate your family, but if something happens to Brandon would you be able to live with yourself when you at least could have put a bug in DCF's ear about your brother and his wife.

The caseworker has to make visits anyway, but with your call maybe the CW's eyes will be more attentive instead of lax because they are the grandparents.

This poor boy will be in my prayers.

Were the charges against L dropped?

[Tazer]

Originally Posted by Yash

Tazer,

I know you don't want to alienate your family, but if something happens to Brandon would you be able to live with yourself when you at least could have put a bug in DCF's ear about your brother and his wife.

The caseworker has to make visits anyway, but with your call maybe the CW's eyes will be more attentive instead of lax because they are the grandparents.

This poor boy will be in my prayers.

Were the charges against L dropped?

The charges against *L* are being dropped and they haven't arrested *P* yet. IMO the caseworker is very lax and over-worked. Her first visit lasted 18 minutes from start to finish. She seemed more interested in the homes furnishings than in Brandon. She was impressed with his new room and his "stuff " thanks to my parents.

I spoke to her in the driveway briefly and shared my concerns...she wasn't impressed. She says since they have no arrest records and aren't strangers and are SAH parents, they are perfect for Brandon. Well dang, they never invite the police over when they are drunk and fighting and throwing dishes at the wall so no, they have no arrest records, his business is in a slump, so he does SAH refusing to look elsewhere for work. She said " Ms. McKnight, it's not uncommon or illegal for adults to drink in the privacy of their own homes." I mentioned that *P* has been there and she said that is a police matter and no longer a concern of CPS or mine.

I am done. Tracy

[Yash]

I spoke to her in the driveway briefly and shared my concerns...she wasn't impressed. She says since they have no arrest records and aren't strangers and are SAH parents, they are perfect for Brandon. Well dang, they never invite the police over when they are drunk and fighting and throwing dishes at the wall so no, they have no arrest records, his business is in a slump, so he does SAH refusing to look elsewhere for work. She said " Ms. McKnight, it's not uncommon or illegal for adults to drink in the privacy of their own homes." I mentioned that *P* has been there and she said that is a police matter and no longer a concern of CPS or mine.



Tracy, you've done all you can. You are and were an advocate for this precious little boy. I'll be praying for Brandon.