[alkm]

How did you broach the subject of fostering with your bio child?

Our daughter is will be 9 in October (starting 4th grade this year because she started young). She's old enough that I'd like to start discussing it with her after the orientation meeting as soon as we've definitely decided to move forward but I'm not really sure how to even broach the subject.

Are their good children's books?

[Robbin]

I don't know about the books. I'm sure that there are, but I can't recommend any.

I would just be up front with her. Try to use the terms that you will be using, but explain them. I would also try to share some of what you have learned in your orientation and training. Especially the grief and loss process which will help her understand the different behaviors that her foster sibs will exhibit.

Explain that there are alot of kids whose parents love their kids, but they don't know how to be a good parent. Sometimes they do drugs or alcohol and don't take good care of their kids, sometimes the bios are dating someone who is mean to them, sometimes they have mental health problems, or punish their kids too much.

When the county finds out about it, they move the kids to a safe home until the parents learn how to be a good parent.

Alot of times these kids will act out because they have had a hard childhood. They don't have a mommy that feeds them good meals, or reads to them, or takes them to the doctors, etc. That makes the kids upset and they misbehave. They've never had a parent teach them the right and wrong way to act. So that is your family's job. Sometimes it will be hard and you may get angry because of the way that they act or the things that they do. Since we are born-again Christians, we tell our kids that it is easy to love those who are easy to love. The harder thing, and what we are called to do, is to love those who are NOT easy to love. We have to show Christ's love to these children, and help them learn about Jesus so that they can be His children too.

Just prepare your child that it will be fun having other siblings, but it will also be difficult.

Good Luck!

[CaddoRose]

I agree with Robbin.Just be upfront with her when you explain what you are doing. She's plenty old enough to understand what's going on. We had to have our 11 yr old DD on board with us or we wouldn't have done it. She is as much a part of fostering as we are.

We thought it was important for our DD to understand that a child may come into our home and only be with us for a week, two weeks, four months or a year and then leave and we may never see them again. Our job as a family is to provide a safe, loving home while they need one. We have chosen to only take children younger than our DD up to about 8-9 yrs old because we insist that she remain the oldest and not be put into a position where she could be influenced or overpowered by a child her age or older.

Other issues you will need to work out are those involving the amount of time you will be spending with foster child(ren) and how you will remain connected with your DD and her not lose or feel like she is losing time or place with you. Since our DD was an only for her 11 yrs, it is extremely important for me to make sure she still gets one on one time out of the house with me and DH.

[MPJJJ]

In order to get licensed, we had to discuss it with the children and get their opinion on it. Then, during the homestudy, the SW asked them how they felt about it. All we ever said was that there were children who needed a safe, loving home to live in for a while, because their parents had to work out some problems. It was simple enough for even my 4 year old to understand.

[chevyjewel]

We keep it super simple when explaining it to our kids or other kids of other ages in our family if they're confused. My family usually appreciates that I don't go into the dirty details of drugs, abuse, neglect etc.

What we say usually goes something like this:

sometimes moms and dads get sick, and sometimes they have a tough time dealing with some things or can't take care of their kids right now. It's not that they don't love their kids, because they do, and they miss 'em too but some need extra help for awhile. Those moms and dads sometimes aren't lucky enough to be blessed with a gigantic family like we are and they don't have anyone to watch their little ones while they get better/get some stuff taken care of. So that's where we come in, we try to help them out by taking care of their kiddos while they do what they need to do.

I make sure to mention how important it is for people to help other people like that when times get tough. I also like to talk about how scary it must be for the kids we help coming into our family not knowing anyone, that usually envokes empathy so the kids are more willing to share toys, be there for them if they're upset, share my time, etc.