[dakotabluebaby]

I have PCOS which may make it difficult for me to have biological children. My husband and I have wanted to foster and or adopt since before this was discovered...so up till now we have been co-currently planning. Hopeing to add to our family both ways....but then we met with the socail worker who asked if we were pursuing any treatment, and I answered honestly we are taking a break.

The long and the short of it is, we were told that they do not approve families to do both because they are afraid our attention would be divided.

Has anyone else been told this? Its one OR the other?

The more I think about it the angrier I get. They want us to plan to keep and give the child back at the same time, but cannot allow for us to work on building our families down two different roads? Even still if we adopt and then do treatment wouldn't my attention be just as divided? We want to try again, Plus I want to keep my options open!

Just looken for some feedback that I'm not crazy.

P.S. I know there is an infertility website. I have been there too. ; )

[snc2007]

So their stance is that foster parents aren't supposed to have biological children while they are fostering? Doesn't make sense at all to me.

I'm in the same situation as you and when we were certified it wasn't even an issue. I said I didn't know whether we would pursue fertility treatments or not. I led the conversation and didn't feel pressed at all by our worker. It's really nobody's business but yours and your husbands.

[quiescentfury]

I really have never heard of this before. I think a family is more than capable of doing both.

I can see a little of the SW point though. When we got our first placement I was 5 months pregnant. I thought everything would be easy. Turns out it wasn't. By the end of my pregnacy I had doc appts for me every week. The 12 month old we were fostering had 3 therapies a week. Occupational, physical, and speech. Two older sisters had an hour of counseling every week. The oldest girl has eye probems and we were at the eye clinic about every three weeks that was an hour away and the appts lasted about two hours. In one week we had the potential to be tied up with medical appts for 11+ hours. On top of the medical there was visits, court hearings, and the children's activities.

All of that was very hard, but doable. She might be concerned withyour ability to handle all of it. I would suggest making a plan of what you are going ot do with the kids while attend fertility treatments. A plan of what youare going to doif you are really sick with morning sickeness. A plan for your delievery and where the kids would go. A plan of what to do with the kids after delivery. Will they be at home or respite. Or kids spent 3 weeks in respite. Come up with as much detail as possible. Present this to the SW and see if they change their mind.

[Elle83]

Our agency did not ask us to choose, but I will say having done both for a while (treatment and foster care) I realized for my own sanity I had to choose. I lasted three weeks, for one of those weeks I was taking fertility drugs and was Mommy to a 4 year old. Trying to manage to appointments and the side effects of the drugs as well as my son drove me up the wall and I decided to focus my attention of fostering/adopting. I havn't ruled out doing treatment in the future, after we have adopted and settled our family down but for now I am a happier healthier person for making that choice. Just my story, obviously you have to make the choice that is best for your family but thought I would share my expierience.