[tiredofwaiting]

Hi,

My husband and I have gone through 7 yrs of infertility and then tried domestic adoption. A couple of months ago we had a failed domestic adoption. It was heartbreaking. We have gone through all our savings trying to have a child. I know our story is pretty common. My husband wants us to try foster care. He says this would at least give us a chance to have a child in our lives if even for a short time and maybe we will be able to adopt a foster child at some point. I wonder if there is anyone else who has gone into foster care after infertility and trying domestic adoption? I am wondering if we are the only ones who are trying it after not be successful with domestic.
thanks

[Vitality08]

Although my situation is not similar to yours, yours is a common scenario on why people begin fostering.

Foster parents become foster parents for all sorts of reasons. I don't think any are better than any other as long as you do a good job and really take care of the children.

One thing I would caution you about is to realize that in foster care the first goal is almost always reunification so you may fall in love with a baby or child and then that child is removed from your home to go back with their parents or family members. It's not uncommon for you to have a child for a couple of years and still lose the child.

Those are just some things to think about. It is true though, with foster care you will at least have children in your home.

[Sam-N-Tony]

I too can relate, we went through about 5 years of un-explained infertility, even though we have a child together.

We turned to foster care because we cannot afford domestic or international adoption and thought this would be the best route for us. We did initially go through the process for straight adoption and ultimately decided to foster first and if the right situation came along we will adopt. Our first kids (we disrupted on older brother), will probably go up for adoption and we definately would adopt our fson.

The main thing to remember that the FIRST AND ONLY goal is always reunification. It takes a lot of time before you goes to TPR or you may get lucky and it happen quickly. It is a risk similar to your domestic adoption, always assume that all the kids will be going home. In the meantime you get to love and raise kids like if they were your own.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by tiredofwaiting

Hi,

My husband and I have gone through 7 yrs of infertility and then tried domestic adoption. A couple of months ago we had a failed domestic adoption. It was heartbreaking. We have gone through all our savings trying to have a child. I know our story is pretty common. My husband wants us to try foster care. He says this would at least give us a chance to have a child in our lives if even for a short time and maybe we will be able to adopt a foster child at some point. I wonder if there is anyone else who has gone into foster care after infertility and trying domestic adoption? I am wondering if we are the only ones who are trying it after not be successful with domestic.
thanks

I am so sorry to hear of your challenges trying to have your family.

You may want to scroll down to a thread called Foster parents/relative adoption on the Foster Parent support forum. The discussion got pretty heated.

It seems many people look to foster adopt to have a family, and it often works out. However, often the foster family becomes very very attached to the child/children and then has trouble supporting a move back to the child's family. Relatives can step forward during the process and things get complicated and take a long time. During that time you are bonding and loving the children. Lack of communication with the social worker adds another layer of confusion and stress.

I share this as my husband and I were the relatives that came forward for our nephew and the foster parents treated us very badly and tried to interfere with the process. We have lil guy and adopted one month, six days later. The foster parents were so upset they decided to stop fostering, according to their agency.

So, my long-winded point--I am thinking you would be wonderful foster parents and there are likely children out there just waiting for you. Perhaps together you will be a forever family. Just please remember there may be an aunty and uncle working hard to bring a child home, and the social worker not communicating that to you. Guard your hearts just that little bit, perhaps be open to talking about the child's family if the child is old enough to have memories about them.

I hope you decide to take this next step. I will be thinking of you, and hope to hear about your experiences.

[suzyq18]

We share a similar history as yours... infertility, failed surrogacy and failed domestic adoption. I thought we were ready to just be a couple and just have a tons of cats.
Fostering was a chance for us to open our hearts and take care of children that SO needed us.

We now have a little FS ... biomom has a case plan but really isn't working it... there are siblings too that are in another foster home. Bio mom has long history ... she has some months left to work on her caseplan but all we can do is pray now.

This is NOT a sure fire way to build a forever family. Fostering is really hard road to take. There are ups and downs and its mostly a roller coaster ride. Very little communication with agencies... you just have to take things one day at a time.

Good luck if you decide to take on this challenge