[wannafostersoon]

From your first MAPP class. Did it make you want to foster more or did it make you more cautious about the whole process?

[Sam-N-Tony]

My first MAPP class, made me want to do it more but cautiously. There were a lot of people who did not come to the following meetings. I think they put all the "rough and tough" info in the beginning to find out if you are really going to be able to stick it out. At the end of all my classes, we had a total of 8 people "graduate". There were about 40 people at the start. So that goes to show you it can be scary for most people.

[CaddoRose]

We had about 20 people in our first info meeting with
the agency and at the first class only about 12 came and did all the classes. The first class just reinforced the information I already knew from lots of reading and talking with other foster parents.

[Lumpkin]

Our first class didn't really give me any information that I didn't know. Nothing scary or intimidating. Did it make me want to foster more? No. I didn't really care to foster since I was just there for the adoption portion. It makes me want to help the system less because they treated us like we were not important - because everything is targeted towards fostering. Everything they do and said is based on goals for reunification. Everything they talked about revolved around how to not do things to completely integrate the child into your life - because of course they will be leaving.

We have been identified as an adoptive family for a child already TPR'd. I don't want to waste my time (8+ hours including 2 hours of travel each way, and 4 hours of class time) for 10 weeks to learn about fostering children when my stated goal is adoption. It frustrated me so much that I have no intent on working with them to change my stated goal and becoming a certified foster parent. Had they pushed the fostering concept a little less, maybe I'd be more open. Better yet, had the class been designed around the goals of the participants, maybe we would have had such a positive experience that we'd consider taking additional classes to become foster parents.

I was surprised that our class had 4 couples and 8 single parent families looking to foster or adopt. Wow, that's a lot of single moms... they are much more brave than I would be!

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Our class was full of alot of kinship placement family members looking to get certified so they could receive a stipend on their family member they had taken in. So no one dropped out after the first class. There were some adopt only and the classes only reinforced their feelings of NOT wanting to foster.

Having been a teacher in the public school system, nothing they said surprised or made me want to change my mind BUT I did decide to be very picky about what behaviors we would and would not accept. I also decided that although they strongly discouraged disruption and seemed to blame foster parents for a child's lack of bonding and attachment I knew that if I had to disrupt to preserve my own family I would.

Kim

[Sam-N-Tony]

Lumpkin - I think its wrong of you to think you wasted your time. After all you are adopting a child that was a foster child at once. I'm sorry if I come off harsh but I think you should know every aspect of fostering and the foster child. You should know all the aspects of their special needs, their emotional and behavioral issues that usually come with a foster child.

I don't think there should be a special class for adoptive parents, because after all he/she was a foster child. I am personally offended (which does not happen often) because I did want to adopt and did decide to ultimately foster to adopt, which is one of the best things I have ever done. I have been able to provide a loving home to 5 children that regardless of whether they go home or not, they are still MY kids. It think had you went into the class with an open mind you would find out how much really does apply to you.

The child you are adopting is a product of the foster care system and a lot they teach in those classes apply to all foster kids.

Had I not fostered first, I don't know how I would be able to handle the issues that come with the adoptive foster kids. IMO, I think everyone that wants to adopt a child from the state should foster first. You don't know how much your getting yourself into until you do it. I commend all the homes that do adopt straight from foster care without really experiencing the foster child but there have been many failed adoptions because they are trully not prepared for the foster child. I think you don't really get to know a child in the 3 months they give you before adoption is granted. It takes years to learn the ways of a child. I'm sure you didn't fall in love and ready to marry each of your boy/girl friends within 3 months of meeting them. If you go into the adoption with a blind eye, you will find it very difficult to love and accept this child.

I am glad I took the route that I did. Hopefully, my first adoption will be a child that has been in my home and we have been through the ups and downs of the systems together.

I wish you and your family the best of luck.

[Lumpkin]

Originally Posted by Sam-N-Tony

Lumpkin - I think its wrong of you to think you wasted your time.

Actually, that is how I felt. Sorry that you think it's wrong for me to have my own feelings, but it doesn't change the fact that it is how I felt.
After a few more classes, maybe my opinion will change, but we were discussing our thoughts after the first class. And the first class was an adopting parent disaster - the things we were told were everything but to ignore the child so that you don't get attached to him, etc. My wife and I both walked away shrugging our shoulders because if we asked a more "adoption specific" question, we were treated as if we didn't know what we were talking about, since obviously the kids are going back home with mom and dad.

Originally Posted by Sam-N-Tony

After all you are adopting a child that was a foster child at once. I'm sorry if I come off harsh but I think you should know every aspect of fostering and the foster child. You should know all the aspects of their special needs, their emotional and behavioral issues that usually come with a foster child.

I don't think there should be a special class for adoptive parents, because after all he/she was a foster child. I am personally offended (which does not happen often) because I did want to adopt and did decide to ultimately foster to adopt, which is one of the best things I have ever done. I have been able to provide a loving home to 5 children that regardless of whether they go home or not, they are still MY kids. It think had you went into the class with an open mind you would find out how much really does apply to you.

Again, we're talking 1st class here, and OUR class was so very slanted against the concept that you might adopt, that I think there should be a class that gives the information/training needed to handle the situations of children coming from foster care without making adoptive parents feel like outcasts.

Originally Posted by Sam-N-Tony

The child you are adopting is a product of the foster care system and a lot they teach in those classes apply to all foster kids.

The child we are adopting is the product of a neglectful parent. The foster care system placed them with relatives that they know, and they've been in our care without any foster training for months. We were told in order to adopt we needed to go through the program - we were not the only ones in our class with this same exact situation.

Ultimately, we decided to drop the classes for this very reason. After researching (after being so disappointed with the class), we found that our state does not mandate the class or homestudy for relatives, so we decided we'd save ourselves from constantly being instructed the wrong way to care for our adopted child. We may pick up the class later when we decided that we have the resources to consider foster parenting in the future, but we'll only do so knowing that we'll be focusing on fostering, since the class seems to only be setup (or at least taught) for that purpose in our area.


oh and.. my first serious girlfriend - yes, we discussed marriage within months. Within 9 months we were married, have been married for over 20 years now, and have several wonderful children together.

[TheMomma08]

I start my classes at the end of next month. At first I thought it was a big waste of time since I raised 3 mentally healthy kids and held the adoption process up.

But the more I am investigating things I feel these classes will help me better understand how to deal with the kids that I plan to adopt.


It's education on how to be the best parent that I can be. and I'm all for bettering myself in ever area of life.



I am inpatient and just want to adopt the boys now, but that is not how the process goes. There is a reason for everything even if we don't understand it right now.

[Sam-N-Tony]

[Actually, that is how I felt. Sorry that you think it's wrong for me to have my own feelings, but it doesn't change the fact that it is how I felt.

Sorry for making you feel like your not entitled to your own feelings, you absolutely are. I am sad that that is the way you felt about the class. I found it very beneficial in helping us make a final decision

After a few more classes, maybe my opinion will change, but we were discussing our thoughts after the first class. And the first class was an adopting parent disaster - the things we were told were everything but to ignore the child so that you don't get attached to him, etc. My wife and I both walked away shrugging our shoulders because if we asked a more "adoption specific" question, we were treated as if we didn't know what we were talking about, since obviously the kids are going back home with mom and dad.

If that's trully the way you feel, you should report it to a supervisor.

oh and.. my first serious girlfriend - yes, we discussed marriage within months. Within 9 months we were married, have been married for over 20 years now, and have several wonderful children together.

Great for you, it is really rare that actually happens.

I think its more important for you to be open to everything that is offered to you. I take every class or training offered to me, because regardless if I feel it applies to me, that is just one more thing that I learn about and it makes me a better person.

Best of luck to you and to your family.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by Lumpkin

Better yet, had the class been designed around the goals of the participants, maybe we would have had such a positive experience that we'd consider taking additional classes to become foster parents.

Lumpkin, wasn't the class supposed to be about the children, not the participants?

My dh and I were in your situation and were not offered any classes of any kind. The ICPC was done and we had to fight the foster family for our (now) son, and then he came here. All I learned about lil guy's needs I paid a therapist to tell me. Sounds like the MAPP class would have been a wonderful place to learn and ask questions. If they blew you off in class that was awful--you deserved to be heard and have a response.

I was glad to hear the first and primary message was to foster parents that the goal is reunification. Apparently our lil guy's foster parents missed that part--they did all they could to interfere with the process without losing their license-was not helpful to the child in the long run.

Congratulations on being the wonderful person you are, to be there for your young relative. I'd love to talk with you about how things are going for you-how old your child is, etc.

Thank you for reading my response.

[spicedmama]

I feel more cautious. I was cautious when I started, but moreso now. I want to make sure that I am making the right decisions for our family. I am one of the ICPC kinship folks, (who regretfully, is NOT participating in Foster Care for the money). Foster Care training in my state is required of all folks whose ulitimate goal is adoption. I would like to adopt my family member, not just foster, and so I have been instructed that this class was the beginning of this process.

[Yash]

I suspected the classes weren't going to be helpful and they weren't, but that could be because I took child developmental classes and had a BA in psychology. And a lot of what was taught was a repeat of what I learned and also the other problem was I wanted infants, kids under 1. The classes were designed for people adopting or fostering older children, 6 and up.

After the class, I thought about telling my agency to fill the classes with less book knowledge and more real life things. But now I realize classes about the true nature of foster care, would have sent me and I'm sure tons of others running and screaming towards the hills.

[b1thompson]

During our classes, they spent too much time trying to talk everyone out of fostering. There was very little talk about the positive side of it.
The classes also could have been condensed. We spent alot of time driving over there to learn very little each week. (in rush hour traffic) Knowing that we have to take more classes to maintain the license is a little frustrating.

[b1thompson]

I also wanted to add that I too had child psychology, child development, and discipline classes all through college and grad school... so it was very repetitive for me also. I hear we will also be needing to take positive parenting classes next year to maintain the license.

[Sam-N-Tony]

Originally Posted by b1thompson

During our classes, they spent too much time trying to talk everyone out of fostering. There was very little talk about the positive side of it.

I think the purpose of the classes are to "scare" you out of it, had they glorified foster care, yes more people might do it but get a cold smack in the face of reality when they actually become foster parents, they would be complaining "no one ever told me this or that".