[want2adopt_IN]

After being officially license for 4 days I got my first call! Unfortunately, I had to turn it down because even though it was for a 1 & 3 yr sib group it was an emergency placement and the cw didn't know how long the placement was going to be.

To be perfectly honest I don't know why she called me. She knows that for now I only want to be contacted for children who have already been TPR'ed or legal risk. I am hoping that this is not a pattern because I felt seriously guilty telling her no yesterday!

I got the call while I was at the supermarket so I came home and immediately started putting the furniture together in the nursery because clearly this really could happen at any minute! Here's hoping that a second more appropriate call comes soon!

[Sam-N-Tony]

At least you know your going to get calls, but honestly if your waiting for a already TPR or legal risk you may be waiting for quite some time. Kids don't usually come into care right off the bat as a legal risk or long term placements. I too only request long terms placements, but it doesn't always work that way. They will still call you regardless because you are a licensed foster parent with empty beds and frankly, they just need a home for the child/ren.

Most new cases or new removals, nobody knows anything. It's usually emergency placements and most kids go back to parents or family. My new baby seems to be going back to Grandparents maybe next week and my other 2 kiddos went to family within 2 weeks. It's really hit or miss. My other foster son has been with me for 11 months but right off the bat I knew he was going to be a long term placement because it was his 2nd time in foster care and no previous family members could take them.

Like I said hang in there, it might be longer than you expect or can happen today. You never know.

[wannafostersoon]

Wow! That moved FAST! Your forever family is on its way! How many children do you want?

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Most placements are emergency placements at first until they go to court in the first 72 hours to determine whether the state has permission to take custody.

You can always take emergency placement of these children needing a home and once they go to court and determine where it looks like the placement is headed, they could move them to a more appropriate home or leave them with you if it looks like they will head to TPR.

But if you wait to take placements that are already TPR'd, you will be taking in children who have been with another foster family for possibly years and are bonded. A lot of those foster families will choose to adopt themselves because of that bond or if not it may be because the child has problems they are not willing to or cannot handle.

Kim

[buttascotchbaby]

I just have to add my 2 cents & don't mean to be a wet blanket

When I was first licensed I felt exactly the same way: I only wanted to adopt and I only wanted a younger child/infant. I figured that this was what was best for me and for my bio son. I was listed as only taking what we used to call "risk adopt", which doesn't even exist anymore! I waited just about a year with not one call! One day I spoke with a matcher and I finally "heard" what I am sure was told to me in the past, and that was: very few kids come into care ready to be adopted. By the time they get to that point there is nearly always someone identified who wants to adopt that child; if not a friend or family member than it is the foster parent who has had that child up to this point.

*click!*

For me that was it. I called my licensing worker, asked to be changed to straight foster and foster/adopt. That was on a Weds. On Friday I got a call with my first placement. I was very unsure, she was older, there were issues, etc., but I figured, what the heck? I can try and if it really is not working out I will have to ask her to be moved. She ended up being with us for almost a year and I feel as if she was the child of my heart and my heart was broken when she was r/u (mainly b/c I had/have fears for her safety), but I would not have missed out on that year for anything!

Since then I have had a number of placements and now headed towards finalization of two kiddos who I NEVER would have taken under my initial idea of what was "perfect" for my little family! LOL They have been with us for over 2.5 years, they are now almost 7 and 12 and it has been a rollercoaster ride! But they are awesome additions to our family and I am so thrilled that I relaxed the perimeters of what I was willing to accept. I am not saying that you should do this, it is just my experience

On the other hand, if you are sure of what you want and what will work for you; stick to your guns, b/c, as a PP said, they WILL try to place other situations with you b/c that is their job: to get kids in safe homes.

[timleenettesue]

I agree that letting go of our ideas and just taking it as it comes works so much better. I have children in my home that at first I would not have considered. But getting to know them has been great. We started out to adopt only and wanted only a boy between the ages of 5 and 10. That is not what we have ended up with.

We have turned down three placements and accepted nine. All but three went to tpr, those three were hard, but went with family (but I would not have missed meeting them for the world). Two went to tpr, but were not right for our family, and were placed in adoptive homes (one was later moved to residential care). The other four we have kept, or are going to keep (two girls and two boys). So only two of nine went into the system for adoption, unfortunately that makes your wait longer.

Just relax you never know who you might meet!!!!

[want2adopt_IN]

Originally Posted by wannafostersoon

Wow! That moved FAST! Your forever family is on its way! How many children do you want?

I am wanting up to 2 from 0-3.

[want2adopt_IN]

buttascotch-
I understand what you say, but I have thought long and hard about it and being that I have never had bio children of my own I would like to parent an infant/toddler. I am aware of the fact that I might have to wait for a long time or go to private adoption in order to do so, but I also want to stay open to adopting older children from foster care at some point.

[mommy2fiveplus]

We just finalized the adoption on my 7 1/2 month old that we have had since 2 days old. We picked him up at the hospital and has been with us since. We would not have had this opprutunity if we only took TPR's or legal-risk because he came into care as foster with ? reunite. Within 1 month he was on track for TPR and now he is ours.

While not all people are able to just foster or take kids who may not stay, I agree with the previous posters that relaxing your requirements a little might help. At least in my area, it is very rare for kids in the 0-3 age group to go to immediate TPR and if they do, extended bfamily is much more likely to take in a cute toddler than a troubled teen. And as previously stated it is rare that a foster family will not adopt a young foster child if they have had them nearly all or thier young life. Many foster parents that only take 0-8 ages are in the sytem to adopt and will keep the kids placed with them.

Good Luck and do what is right for you.

[BlueDreams1978]

We recently got a placement for an emergency placement for a 3 yr and a 1 yr also. (we took them though). I totally understand what you mean about not wanting to say "no" when they call. For one you don't want to feel like you are rejecting the child. I was also worried about if I keep saying no they may not call me back. hahaha

Like you, I can't figure out why we are getting these emergency calls when we specifically asked for kids that have been TPR or on that track. Oh well... you baby is coming. Keep the faith. :-)

[LibbyHawkins]

It is entirely possible to parent younger children even infants, but very rare for an infant or young toddler to be TPR'ed. I am in IN also, Marion County.

I know you have thought long and hard, but please keep thinking. I would love to tell you of my experiences with "The System", pm if you would like to talk.

[want2adopt_IN]

I am always willing to reconsider. I am not closed to all situations that are not ideal. My cw and I have a "case by case" agreement on some things :-)

I did parent a 12 yo nephew (who is now 20) for a while and sending him back into a situation that was not healthy and seeing the final outcome was the hardest thing that I had ever done and something that I swore I would never do again. This is the reason for my extreme hesitency (and my cw knows it) so we are looking out for cases that have already been TPRed or have a good chance of going there.

Who knows what might happen in the end? :-)

[jbee]

we ended up with our son because we took his mom (18) and him (4mo). she looked horrible on paper but we had the room so took them. we weren't even looking to adopt, he was nowhere near tpr because she was with him! we've had no trouble getting pregnant so we felt kind of bad keeping him, but by the time he was tpr'd we loved him and we were all he ever remembered.
so maybe a mother-child situation might work for you. we aren't baby snatchers or anything, but i think alot of times the moms realize just how much work it is and how much of their childhood they are missing. you never know.

[want2adopt_IN]

Well I have a placement. 2 days ago I took in a newborn. I brought her home from NICU. She is what has traditionally been called a legal risk placement. birthmom has had all 3 of her other children TPRed and tested positive for meth and marijuana at the birth of this one. Baby was taken at birth. Baby is a premie with some minor issues, but I love her already!

She has visits set up with BPs and GM next week (but the cw hasn't heard back from any of them and they haven't called her). They have to do a new home study on GM (who failed each time they tried to place the last 3 with her) but other than that I am hoping that she is here for the long haul.

Can I admit to being petrified?

[vernellinnj]

It's fine to be petrified. Just take one day at a time and stay "in the moment". Love her with all you heart and at the same time guard your heart a lil.

Not to scare you, but I also picked up a child at the hospital whose biomom also lost 3 prior children to TPR. Turns out the child's biodad was able to parent. Child stayed in fostercare for about 4 months but then went to dad.

Best wishes to you...enjoy the baby.